blueyedgrl85 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 I've known my friend since high school- we're 25 now and we still hang out. but I'm beginning to wonder if I place more emphasis on the friendship than she does. Sometimes when we hang out, my friend will be on the phone the entire time we are together. She'll be talking and talking the whole time- I could seriously light myself on fire and she wouldn't notice. Other times when we are together, she'll take calls or text through out dinner. It's not like it is for work or anything important- she's just talking to her guy friends. The reason why I still hang around her is because she can be a good listener when she is in the mood to listen. I also think it's because I've known her for so long. I'm a loyal and dependable person- I'm always there when she needs a shoulder to cry on, when she needs help with something, etc. But I think she take advantage of this because when I can't be there for her, she gets mad at me. She is funny and we have a good time, but sometimes she'll put me down. For example, we'll be talking about cooking and she'll say, "Oh, well you can't cook anyways." or something that will be negative. She'll also talk about my family. I have never said anything about hers, but she'll always put down my family. When there is a guy in the picture, she disappears and becomes totally focused on him. In general, she never returns my calls or e-mails. She is generally unavailable, but pops back into the picture when it is suitable for her or when she is bored/lonely. Everything is on her terms basically. My theory is that if I'm nice to my friends and there for them, then the favor will be returned. But lately I am learning that this is not the case and people will use me if I let them. How can I deal with her? Should I just let it phase out because I am not getting anything in return? Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Talking on the phone endlessly when you're hanging out with someone is rude beyond measure. I could see if it was a business call that had to be answered, which I have done, but I immediately apologize afterwards, and I try to keep it very short. Add that to the fact that your friend has put you down, left you feeling "less than'..........she sounds more like a frenemy. Google the word frenemy and read some of the articles that come up. They may be very enlightening. Link to post Share on other sites
rockmanmegaman Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 What you said is exactly 1 of my friend do to me. He insults my family (because we're not as clean as him), he'll insult my intellegency (despite I get the same score as him). Anyway when this 1st happen I acted like you, I didn't mind as I'm loyal and dependable, however, later on I really can stand it and I just do everything I can to make him suffer. Here's my solution to your problem 1. Confront her about what she's doing 2. Get revenge 3. Ignore her 4. Let it be Oh and if you really don't want to get use, don't be too kind. Most people in this world won't repay you for what you did, instead they'll shout at you if you fail them the 2nd time. Trust me it happen to me. Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 it sounds a little toxic, and a little one sided. i guess all you can do is not be so available when she re-appears after disappearing. it sounds like you have to set some boundaries for her. not let her feel like you are only good enough to be around when she is inbetween boyfriends or feeling lonely. i mean as an example if i have someone over, i turn down the tv, or turn it off, so as to give them my undivided attention. i would not sit there watching it if someone comes over to see me. and ya, it is really annoying when you are out with someone and all they do is talk on the phone to others. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 I know how you feel. My best friend is exactly like that. Only to add more to it, we will have set plans and when everything is about to happen, she'll back out. But she won't back out gracefully, I won't hear from her. She'll ignore my calls and texts. Until the next day, when she will make up some excuse. It's always because she's hanging out with a guy, though. I've learned to accept this about her a long time ago. If I give up on the friendship now, I would be backing out of something i've come to accept about her. Does that make what she is doing right? No. But I learn to expect these things now. Instead of putting all my hopes into actually going out with her, i'll make a couple of extra plans in case it falls through. I've tried talking to her about this, but with people like that, it's basically the equivalent of talking to a brick wall. Link to post Share on other sites
AkashaRose Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Sounds like you just need to tell her. Maybe she isn't really THINKING and you may need to remind her! Link to post Share on other sites
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 My best friend is the same way as well. I'll use the term "best" loosely now because we have somewhat grown apart. Seems like she's only my friend when its convenient for her. She was married with 2 kids and she barely was able to do anything. She had enough courage over a year ago to split with him..and suddenly we became inseperable. Until she found some random dude...moved in with him..and has basically become the same person she was when she married her 1st husband. I haver known her for almost 23 years this coming April but it is too something I have accepted. I'm just a convenient friend for her every so often..and this past summer I barely paid her any attention because of it. She's had so many parties with this new "rock star" boyfriend of hers..but has kept them all from me...like I've done something to her! I just saw her yesterday since November...and well I can see that our friendship is no where near the way it was before. We barely had anything to say...and this new guy is a total kid in my eyes..and drunk mind you...and she acts like he's some type of warrior! I guess thats just who she is..but I'd like to think I'm the same person I've always been all along. Why some girls degrade themselves for a man is beyond me! I guess somethings never change! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 My theory is that if I'm nice to my friends and there for them, then the favor will be returned. But lately I am learning that this is not the case and people will use me if I let them. How can I deal with her? Should I just let it phase out because I am not getting anything in return? In most cases a true friend will be nice and have respect for you. It sounds to me like.. in some way she does not respect you for some reason.. or she would not be acting this way. Letting it phase out might be your best bet here. If this friend is causing your more of a headache then true friendship, then what's the point of spending time with her? Good luck to you. And know this issue stems from within her.. not you. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
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