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Feeling used by friend

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 30th April 2003, 12:16 PM   #1
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Feeling used by friend

I met my best friend 12 years ago. We lived together for 7 of those years. Three years ago she got her own place.

Throughout the years we hung around together a lot. A few trips here and there, getting together after work for dinner, movies, shopping, etc. Her family is not in the area and my family essentially 'adopted' her as being part of our family. This included all holidays and get togethers. Throughout all these years we each had our share of boyfriends and at various times, each had serious relationships.

Two years ago she met her current boyfriend. I know very well how this changes and affects other relationships and things. I've had time to adjust and accept the changes her relationship with her boyfriend has had on our relationship. Looking at her relationship with her boyfriend, without a jealous eye, I feel it's a very out of balance one. But I know it's their relationship and the way I see it doesn't matter.

However...I'm at the point of feeling abused as a friend.

All holidays and special gatherings are spent with his family. Three weeks after her birthday, she and I finally went out to celebrate it. The previous weekends she spent with him and then his family celebrating her birthday. She and I never even went out for mine! In the two years they've been dating, I've seen him 6 times. And she and I have gotten together not much more than that. I'm not currently dating anyone so I know it may seem awkward for the three of us to get together. But I don't think getting together for pizza and hanging out to watch a movie has to be awkward when you think of the long term friendship benefits. With the exception of asking about work or a family member, she no longer even inquires about on going things in MY life.

I've told her how I feel and she essentially listens to what I say and then seemingly dismisses my feelings by changing the subject. When I say I want to discuss it further, she says she doesn't see the reason.

On occasion when there are troubles in her life, it's my shoulder she cries on. By my own nature, I can't help but be there for her. Trying to put some distance between us so that I'm not feeling like I'm a yo-yo of emotions where she's concerned, I'm to the point that I don't often initiate phone calls with her.

I've never gotten rid of a relationship just because someone 'new' came along. But I really feel that's what she's doing, while continuing to keep some communication with me as a back-up in the event things don't work out for her.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I being childish? How do I handle things with her? Thanks...
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Old 30th April 2003, 12:36 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 198
We all have been there

Sad to say but my best friend of 17 years is not my best friend anymore. We just grew apart like you and yours. We still hook up and go out every now and then.

And now that the relationship that came between ours has been over for 3 years we still have never gotten back to the way things were.

But like I say...I love her like a sister but sometimes I don't like her like a friend.

Some relationships will hit rough spots and you just gotta do what you can to get by or bail on the relationship. I decided I love her too much to bail on her so I'm just giving us our own space and time to grow as individuals. I know one day we will be old ladies on rockers talking about our pasts.

I hope you can get past this hard time for ya'll. A best friend of so many years that knows so much about you is a treasure.
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