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ending a friendship.....time to let go

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Old 29th April 2003, 3:09 AM   #1
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Unhappy ending a friendship.....time to let go

Hi guys~
This is my first time posting, I was hoping you could give me a little advice. My friend and I have been best friends for 7 years. I'm 15 and she's almost 18. For the past two months we haven't really been spending alot of time together and just recently, she had sex for the first time and claims she "has feelings" for this guy but I know that he doesn't give a damn about her. He's 21 and she slept with him after only 3 weeks of knowing him. I think she is very naive. We were planning on just hanging out last friday so she calls me and tells me that she's coming over, she gets another call, answers it, then clicks back over to me. She's like "don't be mad, but to you mind if I do something with someone else?" I said "no thats fine" (but in a way where you could tell i was a little angry and dissapointed.) Anyway those are just a few things that have been going on with us. It feels like were drifting apart and it hurts really bad. She'll be graduating soon so I'm thinking maybe it's just time to let go. She called today and I told her I needed to talk to her about something important. She's going to come over tomorrow to talk. I hate to do this but I feel like it's better than just letting us drift apart. It seems better to end it sooner rather than later. I want to get it over with. If any of you can give me any advice on if this is a good idea or not that would be great I talked to my family about it and they say that I just just let it drift apart but I think I owe it to her to tell her that I'm thinking about this. Thanks so much

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Old 29th April 2003, 6:21 AM   #2
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Going into different stages


I wouldn't be too happy with your friends behavior either...a similar thing happened with me and my best friend in high school our senior year. It seems as though you and your friend are headed in different directions/stages in life right now. Soon, she will be graduating from high school, which means for her a time of maturing, experimenting, excitement, etc. (for example, experiementing with sex). I noticed this happen to many people I went to high school with during their senior year. She's reaching a milestone right now, and maybe she feels as though she can not relate to you as much as she used to. Also, I notice seniors in high school may start hanging out with other classmates they never did before (such as your friend making plans with other people). Seniors do this often because they feel as though after graduation, they may never get to see those people again, or they may move away and they will see them less often, which happens quite often. To me, you seem like a very mature 15 year with a good head on her shoulders, and I think it is silly if she feels "too mature" for you as she reaches this milestone in her life. Nevertheless, I think it is a good idea that you talk to her and let her know how you feel. The relationship may drift apart, but you will have more peace of mind knowing that you tried.

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Old 29th April 2003, 7:19 AM   #3
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Not all friendships last forever. Your friend is now moving on in life and leaving you behind in the dust. She's not doing it intentionally. This could happen even if the two of you were the same age...but even more so now that she's getting more active with the guys.

It hurts, and it hurts real bad but this won't be the last time it happens. Some friends will be there for you for a life time, although you have to be understanding and patient. If you value this particular friend, you can back off and let her go through the things she needs to and leave your friendship in a dormant stage for a period of time. That way, you're free to reignite it at some future time....she will need you in the future once she gets where she needs to go and perhaps now and then in the meantime.

People are always changing, always moving forward and if you don't have the flexibility to understand and accept those changes and roll with the punches, friendships have no chance of survival. It's quite wrong to ask her to hold up her development as a human being for the sake of the friendship.

The very best way you can show your love and friendship is to wish her well and be there for her if she needs you. Then go out and find other friends with whom you have lots more in common and with whom you are more reasonably in the same place in life. Those friendships, too, will one day change...but that's OK. We live today...not months from now. Value each day with each friend and enjoy those moments to the max. Then kindly give them the freedom to be themselves and to move in whatever direction they feel their life needs to go.

Again, it is painful sometimes to see a friend drift away. But that's the nature of life. People come and people come. Some are around forever and some for a short time. Some are temporary friends you have bee thrust together with for a particular purpose (school, work, etc.) and most of those end when the purpose is over. Others continue much longer. Some move. Most of your girlfriends will, one by one, find guys they love and take most of their attention away from you and put it on their new love. That's just the way it happens...and you, too, will do the same one day.

Get used to it and you'll be lots happier.
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Old 29th April 2003, 8:44 AM   #4
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Personally, I wouldn't just end it - I would let the friendship dwindle out naturally.

I had a friend from school and we drifted apart. He moved to Japan and I hadn't heard from him in over 20 years, then, out of the blue he called me. He was back in the states for a while and contacting old friends and someone along the line had my phone number and he called. It was a nice surprise. That was 10 - 12 years ago now and I guess he's back in Japan. Who know, maybe he will call again someday, or I might try to find his number and call him. If we had officially ended the friendship all those long years ago he probably would never have called me.

You've made me think back to the friends I had way back when. One of my best friend from high school just died this past summer - he was the only person I stayed in contact with, but I hadn't seen him since '83.
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Old 29th April 2003, 3:59 PM   #5
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My condolences...

Hey strawberryaid.
It hurts when a friendship changes, but since those who replied have said really good comments, I just want to add that I understand where you are coming from, and though it sucks, your friend means you no harm and you just have to move on. If you ever see her around, be cool, smile, treat her kind, I am sure you won't have bad feelings towards her anyway in time. And she certainly doesn't with you.

I really wanted to reply to this because I am at a point in life at this very moment where I have been feeling all that stuff about friendships and drifting away. I'm a senior in college now and I feel like I have come across these numerous paths and I don't know what to take. But this semester I found myself really drifting away from someone who I thought was a hip to hip buddy. I got to know her last year and we clicked right off and were inseparable. But as our last semester rolled in, we realized we were going in completely directions in life, she's staying around here, and I am going home, and recently (as I have posted about here, hee hee) I have also met a guy who I have been seeing when I can and I guess it's changed the dynamic of the friendship I have with this girl. And I find myself hanging out more with people who are headed in more similar directions as me, people who I will get to see a lot at home. And more and more, the two of us just have less and less to say to each other. It was like a whirlwind friendship, it came and it went just like that. So now we see each other and say hi, and everything is pleasant, but we have definitely drifted apart. And there are other friends who I have known since high school who are still as close to me as back then, even though we don' t see eachother often anymore, and nothing has changed. Some pals are forever, and some pals come and go. But you don't know what could happen. Sometimes those friendships are rekindled when the time is right. I have had that happen before too.

Good luck, and keep your head up. I would personally advise against confrontation because that would just cause unneccesary problems between you, in this case.
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Old 29th April 2003, 11:03 PM   #6
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Thanks to you all who replied. I talked to her today and she sounded mad but I know its only because she is hurt. Who knows, maybe we will be friends again one day but for now its easier to just move on. Thanks again.
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