How to get my female friend back (long story)

[doomage]

Hey everybody i'm new on here and well i just turned 21 im a dude by the way, and i have a situation im in that i really need help with.

It's kind of long so bear with me

 

Well im in college and let's just say i live in the west coast and well on march of this year i met the finest girl i've ever seen.I used to take the bus home and would always see her get on the bus and her body was just amazing.So slowly but surely i started talking to her and obviously i wanted her and she knew that right off the bat, shes crazy intuitive.

She just moved from the east coast or new jersey in january of this year.

I wanted to get with her but she made it clear that we were just friends. she just didn't see me in that way because i wasn't her physical type.

I'm not that tall, skinny, no muscles, but im a good dude.

 

And i found out later she moved here because of personal problems in the east coast and her ex, she was with him for 3 years and his jealousy and insecurity drove her away.Shes staying with a aunt here to get her stuff together, like school and stuff. shes 20 years old and well after she made it clear we were only friends i still hung around her and we became really close and tight. she was super comfortable around me, she would come to my house all the time we would cook together sometimes i'd massage her and stuff, always touching her, she didn't mind.

 

Basically i put her on a pedestal and i was following her like a love sick puppy in a fantasy world, her beauty really got me good, shes cuban by the way, i loved touching her body and stuff lol.

 

Then slowly but surely we started hanging out 24/7 all the time, i never got tired of seeing her and i would even take her to work and school because i loved seeing her, i didnt mind doing her favors.

 

Then i got extremely attached to her i would get anxious and bothered if i didnt see her atleast once a day, i would think she was never gonna call me,i got really jealous, possessive and controlling (not physically) indirectly.i felt like if she was always with me no other guy could talk to her, i know stupid of me.

I got really jealous of this one guy that she met before me at school and he has a girlfriend also and she told me he was just a friend like me (platonic) but later on i found out she kissed him on more than one occasion and found him physically attractive unlike me.i would always bring him up and we would fight about him and i would always compare myself to him and how come she wouldnt kiss me like she kissed him.

Once we did try to fool around, but it was only one sided, i was kissing her neck and touching her back and stuff but she told me i was only hurting myself because i liked her so much and she couldnt give me what i wanted which was her.she said hse felt more guilty kissing me than kissing the guy with the girlfriend.

 

little by little her comfort around me changed and we would argue like a damn couple.

 

One day after my class was over i went to her class to walk her to the next class and she got mad she said i don't notice the things i do and shes starting to get a bit tired of it.

 

so we fought again about her "friend" and she got uncomfortable once and for all because when we got back from eating lunch she didn't invite me in her house she made me come back to pick her up and take her to work instead of inviting me in like before. after that day she didn't want to hang out anymore and kept me at a distance. the only time i would see her is when i would take her to school or work, and she started being quite not talking to me but texting other people while in the car with me so i felt stupid

 

through all this time she has been in contact with her ex, they fight one week and then make up the next week, and he did way more **** to her than what i did, and i don't get a second chance?

 

some days when i would think i was gonna go pick her up from her house like always to go to school, she would text me "you don't have to pick me up today" so i would get mad insecure and jealous and ask why not, is it a guy? and dumb stuff like that.

 

This would push her away from me even more and she definitely didn't want to hang out. i couldnt handle it so i would complain like a little bitch and ask why we werent close like before and she would say "i have nothing left to say"

 

I thought she met somone new like a guy she liked that was giving her rides to work and school, she got mad that i assumed that, i let my insecurity get the best of me.

 

I felt like i needed her and coulnt be happy unless i was around her even though she was only interested in me platonically,crazy right?

 

I liked her personality also besides her body because she was really honest to the point of being rude, i respected that, i never felt like she lied to me ever, except after i started being possessive and jealous.

 

one day i asked her if she wanted to hang out on a friday and this was ona thursday and she gave me the bull**** excuse of "im gonna be busy i have lot of hw ill just see you on tuesday" when i would take her to school. so i got upset and complained some more because i felt the only time she wanted to be around me now was when she had to be.

 

couple days after that on my birthday i asked if she wanted to hang out, through text. she ignored my text and instead said "hey can you let me borrow 300 dollars and ill pay you back whenever i can?" she wanted the money so she can buy her plane ticket to go back to the east coast during christmas to visit. i didnt say no and i didnt say yes it was my birthday that day (24th of september)and i wanted to spend some time with her but she didn't.

i asked her what she was up to this weekend and she said i didnt want to know. WEll through some guessing i found out her ex was gonna come visit her from the east coast, the next day which was friday after i got out of work i saw them walking out of a jack in the boxand i felt alittle jealous and it sucked i had to see that because it was my birthday.

 

Plus her aunt wasnt in town she went to jersey for her birtday so i knew they would be boning all night.

 

The next day she sends me a text saying "hey can you drop off the money at my job today" i said no and we argued and then i texted her the next day and somone texted me back saying "shes in the shower ill tell her to text you back later" and i texted one more time after that and she asked what i wanted, i said nothing and to call me up later.

 

The next day on a monday i texted her 3 times with no response, she was always good about getting back to me, so i thought this was wierd.

 

The next day on a tuesday i asked her if she wanted to hang out later on today and she said "no" and i said how come i told you i was gonna let you know when i would want to hang out how bout tomorrow? and she said "no just leave me alone" so i got mad and said "**** you then, that's ****ed up you were just tryna use me........blahblahblah" and then i said "your a rude bitch im done with you"

 

Well immediately i regretted what i said and when i got to school she was right behind me with her aunts car, and i felt so stupid that i thought this whole tim eshe was being picked up by another guy.i tried apologizing but she wasnt hearing me out she said we were no longer friends.

 

it sucks because i have never disrespected her like that ever. i just snapped in my panick that my friendship would never return to what it was and took it out on her, mayb she was having a bad day that day when she told me to leave her alone.

 

well after that i kept saying sorry and begging for her to forgive me and please be my friend again, when i saw her at shcool and through texting, and she said "therse nothing you can say that's gonna change my mind" but i kept pleading and begging, she would just walk away from me when i would see her at school and basically said what was said was said and i need to learn that and get over it.

 

One day i felt really bad so i wrote a letter and bought a teddy bear for her, i was crying while writing it because i missed her friendship, i felt lonely and depressed.

 

i wrote a 3 page letter and had a poem in it about friendship and so on the following friday i went to her house uninvited and when i knocked on the door she said "What!!" and she told me to come in.

 

I pleaded my case and said that i was sincerely sorry and i miss her, i didnt mean to hurt or offend her. and she just acted cold and said "i cant even look at you anymore it's better if you just leave." i showed her the bear and letter and she said you didn't have to do that and i said i know i didnt but i wanted to, and i said here. she said she didnt want it and i asked if i could leave it and maybe shed read it later and she said no.

 

so i put it down and she took it right back outside infront of my face after she kicked me out. and so she closed the door on me and so i left the bear and letter right by her doorstep , and i drove by the next day and i didnt see it there.

 

then i sent her a long email about how sorry i am, i kept text messaging her paragraphs how i miss her and how life is too short to hold grudges.

 

she stopped replying to my text messages so one day i gave her a guilt trip and she texted me back saying not to bother texting her because its done and over with.

 

she was with the person who has been giving her rides to work and school "a girl" then she called me and said "your not understanding are you i dont wanna talk to you anymore leave me alone" and i said but i said i was sorry

 

and she said you can't force somebody to be your friend.i kept begging though and almost crying. and she hung up on me, and i saw her drive off with her new friend then i called back and said how come i cant get a second chance after her ex has done way more **** to her and shes talking to him still. and she said you cant compare what i had with you and what i had with him.

 

when i would apologize to her i would alwys say can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

 

and she said "hey and don't tell me to find it in my heart to forgive you because theres nothing there" and said to let me talk to her and she said no im a bitch remember. and i said no your not a bitch your a great person. and she said "its not even the fact that you called me a bitch, i just dont feel comfortable around you anymore so thats it i dont wanna be your friend no more, so thats it. and she hung up on me again then i kept calling and her new friend answered the phone and said i had the wrong number, then i called again and her friend cussed me out. then my friend said ok so leave me alone and i said well for letting her talk to me like that good riddens.

 

but i still miss her

 

i got to school late last thursday and i saw her walk through the door and she gave me this weird look, she just looked at my eyes and i looked at hers but we didnt say anything.the last time i attempted to talk to her was last thursday i saw her walking towards me so i put my hands up, she had her ipod on and i said "can i talk to you" and she walked right past me, like if i was a ghost. then i followed her to her class and she sat down by her class and i got right infront of her and said can we speak and she looked around like i wasnt there so i left, i've been in no contact since then and it's been really hard, but i learned alot from it. Shes given me the silent treatment but i still have some hope.

 

i think shes passive agressive because once before i messed up one day when i told her i was gonna give her a ride to work, but i didnt have my car on me my mom had it and i thought i was gona have it by the time i would take her to work, well i didnt get the car so i called her and she hung up on me and she got to work late she had to take the bus and she didnt speak to me for a couple of days but i kept begging her and telling her to stop ignoring me, i got angry with her because i felt like i was only tryna help, and i felt really sorry i let her down, then a couple days later she texted me and said we could talk. but this is a different matter now. she likes to hold grudges i believe because she isnt speaking to her sister now matter what her sister does, she lives back in jersey.

 

i have a strategy planned,im gonna try no contact so she can cool down and maybe her animosity towards me will fade alittle bit.i mean i feel like i deserve a second chance because if she hung out with me all the time she once enjoyed it and she cared about me, if she doesn't forgive me maybe she doesnt care about me anymore.

 

ina month ill probably text and see if she replies. she has to learn that people make mistakes.life is too short

 

When things ended at first i felt depressed i didnt want to do anything, i felt like a hole was in me.

 

i know i cant compare this to a relationship break up but i been reading some break up ebooks and they made me feel better about myself.

 

because i feel in a months time if i come to her with a clear head, no needyness or clingyness, and belief in myself she'll want to be part of my life again.

 

Because towards the end of the friendship i got really clingy and needy around her.

 

But if i become the guy i once was she probably will want to be my friend again.

 

i feel like now that she has that new girl to take her around she doesn't need me anymore, but i nkow thats not important, mayb she misses me,

she puts on this really cold extorioer when shes mad at somebody but i knoew deep down shes soft like a marshmelllow,

what do you guys think i should do?

[fllove17]

I think your only way is to give it some time. Maybe she will realize how much she misses you as her friend. And I think you need to make sure you don't give her the wrong signals when that time occurs.

[doomage]

she used to be so comfortable around me but i messed up by being jealous and possessive and now that i lost her as my friend i realized the error of my ways and i wish i can just get a second chance to show her i can be that cool guy she met many months ago.

i keep texting her but she just won't reply back anymore and i really don't want to go to her house uninvited to talk to her because it seems like a bit much and she woulnd't listen to me anyway.

 

i made a mistake by calling her those names and i completely owned up to it and took all the blame and she still doesn't forgive. she's so stubborn.....

[fllove17]

You should probably lay low. After some time has passed and if you run in to her, just play it cool and try to be friendly. And don't bring up any of the bad stuff that occurred. Just be nice. See how she responds. I bet after enough time has gone by, she'll be ok. And then slowly build the relationship back. However, there is no guarantee she will respond nicely. If she doesn't want to be your friend again, there really isn't anything you can do about it.

[doomage]

how long should i wait to reinitiate some sort of contact? it just sucks because she moved here in january and when we started hanging out alot she would always say she feels out of place living in vegas since she came from new jersey and she said she hates it here and shes miserable because most of her family is back in jersey. and the last time i took her to work she said she was moving back in december but then told me it was a joke and that she wasnt gonna move back in december, but i know shes gonna go visit for christmas but i dont know if shes gonna actually move back or just to go visit. she told me for sure she wanted to move some wehre else by the summer. so i dont want her to go before we become cool again, itll suck if a year from now i somehow go to her house and the house is empty with no sign of her. should i text every couple days or plead my case to her, how long should i wait it out?

[fllove17]

do you randomly bump into her? or is the only time you see her when you call her or go visit her?

 

I was under the impression you'd see her at school. And randomly bump into her a couple times a week if not every day. So if thats the case, I'd lay low for at least a couple weeks or so. maybe a month. Just don't go out of your way to contact her or anything. And then randomly if you are sitting next to her in class or standing in line somewhere or just something then say Hi and see how she responds. And if she responds in kind, then keep the conversation light and short. And then slowly build off that. If she doesn't respond well, then keep laying low. And then try again.

 

If she has some forgiveness in her, she'll eventually start talking to you. If not, maybe it is time to move on.

[doomage]

Well we used to go to school together when the semester started she only goes tuesdays and thursdays in the morning same time i go in. but when the friendship was going downhill already she started getting rides by some girl that i guess they became good friends now or something.

Sometimes i see her when i get out of my first class sometimes i don't. but we don't talk anymore she doesnt want anything to do with me i keep texting and calling and trying to reason with her but she just doesn't want to be my friend anymore, today i sent like five long text messages just saying my peace and saying that i didnt mean to hurt her or crowd her space and that ill always care for her and mushy stuff like that lol.

the last time i saw her was when i got to school kind of late and she came in through the front door of the building and she just stared at me and i looked at her but didnt say a word

 

then after class i saw her walking through the halls and i tried to talk to her but she had her ipod earphones on and was acting like i was a ghost.

then she went to sit down by her class room and i got right infront of her and tried to talk to her but she ignored me like the plague acting like she didnt see me right infront of her.

 

so it's pretty hopeless, she doesnt respond to anything i have to say, i could go to her house and try to talk to her but thats just trying too hard, which is a huge understatement to how hard i been trying now.

[WTRanger]

Re-posting in another forum is not going to give you different results. What has been done is done. Look at the friggen' novel you wrote about her! You are way too obsessive over this one girl.

 

Trust me, its done. When I first came here wondering what to do about this girl I was ga-ga over, I too wrote novels like this. Guess what? It was OVER for me and it is OVER for you.

 

Oh and dude, she is NOT passive aggressive. If she was PA, then she wouldn't have told you 10,000 times to leave her alone. She wouldn't have told you that she does not like you anymore than a friend. PA people are in complete silence from the START. The only reason she is giving you the silent treatment is the fact that there is nothing left to say to you. You haven't gotten it that she's done with you. Every time she tells you, you don't accept it. What more do you expect from her? For her to send the ex over to your place and kick the ever living snot out of you? A restraining order?

Edited November 4, 2009 by WTRanger

[doomage]

your right about everything, i need to just pick up whats left of my dignity and walk away forever and not think in the back of my head that shell contact me because i need to be realistic at this point. She pretty much made up her mind awhile ago, and shes told me basically theres nothing else to say to me thats why she shut me out now, so i need to delete her number, and pictures i have of her that she sent me, and mov eon.

[panzer6]

Walk away and grow a spine. Never put someone on a pedestal. By making her "the prize" you put yourself at an emotional disadvantage from the start. You must consider yourself as " the prize" when dealing with women and this will allow you to negotiate from a position of strength. Women respond to strong men on a very deep emotional level. Never forget that.

[doomage]

ya i'm trying to do that because i went about things with her in the total wrong way, she basically had my balls in her purse i put her on the pedestal and only have myself to blame, don't ever want to do that again with a girl next time. it's one thing to say that your the prize but how do you believe it so you'll never put yourself in a position to get manipulated by a woman?