Need to sort out this problem

[chrisw680]

I need sum friendship advise but its kinda hard to understand i start from the bengining

 

When i was 16 i left school and had quite a lot of pals we were in spretable we treated eachother like brothers, But in Novemeber when i started college things took a turn for the worse, I was arressted and questioned then charged with six serious charges one including Rape. when i turned to my friends they disowned me and well not been talking for two years.

 

after the trail when i was cleared i was very depressed i did do a lot of self harm but was put on anti-depressants so now lets get to the point.

 

Recently i started to hangout with a few guys But they have said to me that i have low confidence and no personailty which is true considering that nightmare i went through, they are helping me build better confidence and a personailty as my confidence and that has improved a lot, we all get on they all know what i been through,

 

now what worries me is the future, i'm trying my best to build that confidence back up but i dont wanna lose them as mates as well i be very heart broken if that ever happened again, but i'm am trying but i think its going to go wrong so can i ask theses few questions as i do wanna stay great life long pals

 

How long can it take to Build confidence up?

How can i get a good personailty instead of being quite and worried?

How can i get more involved with them like get in on the action

how can i be a great mate?

 

I know we all going thrope park soon and we have been talking about a hoiladay next year in th uk thro.

 

so any good advise i could take as i do really want to try my headest and not mess up as really not had a friend in over 2 1/2 years so want this to work

[Tayla]

1:it takes a life time of experience and wisdom to gain confidence. Its not an overnight skill, but matures thru life. Find an activity that you think you can excel at Tennis, hiking, rock climbing...you get the idea....They give you a sense of accomplishment and confidence.

2: Personality is linked to positive outlooks and ethical/moral behaviors. Being consistent . There is nothing wrong with being shy , it just means you reserve yourself to more trusting levels of beings. Being *concerned"/worried is also a good mechanism. It means you are caring or thinking ahead. Take those assets and hone them. They can work in your favor! Not everyone needs to be the life of the party.

3:Not sure "what action" you want to get involved in , so cant give you guidance there.Unless you are talking sports/social activities.

4:Be yourself, follow the above and learn from your past, it had its reason for you being where you are today.

[Ronni_W]

Chris.

The trauma of being arrested and standing trial can take a while to heal. Hopefully you also did psychotherapy (talk therapy) in addition to taking anti-depressants.

 

A therapist can also be very valuable to help you improve your self-esteem and self-confidence, and overcome any anxiety. I'd suggest to look for someone who lists 'cognitive behavioural therapy' (CBT) as a service.

Tayla is right that it cannot be done overnight, but you will start noticing improvements in 2 to 3 months (8 to 12 sessions), if you work with a competent and caring professional.

 

Also, as Tayla suggests, to explore hobbies and interests that appeal to you, and become proficient at those. Formal education is a good thing, too, so hopefully you are working towards completing your college program.

 

Hugs, and very best of luck.