miss my friends, i feel cut out

[Hoshi]

ok, i'm sorry in advance that this is really long i just really needed to write this all down and vent it out.

 

to begin with, i had a group of friends who were at uni. we met at a society they ran there- 3 of the guys had a house-share, and one of the girls lived in halls. i became particularly good friends with this girl and one of the guys.

their houses were within walking distance so we saw each other all the time- spent almost every evening and weekend meeting in the pub or getting together at the shared house until the early hours of the morning. we all used to go to comic conventions together and spend the weekend, having the most brilliant time. i felt like i was really at place with them.

 

when they graduated from uni, the girl moved quite far away. we kept in touch and still met up, but when she couldn't be around, meetings with the rest of us seemed to become less and less frequent. when the guys also moved from the shared house, the male friend stayed not far from town- he had a job in the centre so i made sure to drop by when i could, but he was so busy i hardly saw him at all. because the others now seemed to migrate to his house, when i couldn't get hold of him it meant i hardly saw any of them either. after a while i got a new job and became really busy, and the time just slipped by.

 

fast forward to now, months and months later, and it seems like either me or they've all dropped off the face of the planet. i still talk to the female friend quite often, but only ever online. i've barely seen the others at all- i sent the male friend a few texts inbetween spells of not hearing from each other in weeks, but he hardly ever replied. when i walk past his work he's always busy. when he's not, we talk perfectly fine, but it's only for a few minutes because i feel like i'm disturbing him. last time we spoke he told me he was moving house again and that i should visit when he does. a couple of weeks later, i text him just before my birthday to see how things were and asked if he wanted to come for a drink on the day, but he didn't reply.

 

shortly after that i went on holiday with family and wasn't around for a couple of weeks, so when i got back i caught up with the female friend. during my holiday i'd missed the weekend of the annual convention which she, the male friend and a couple of the others went to. she showed me all the photos and told me about everything they did, just like when we used to go together in our big group. i suddenly felt like a missing puzzle piece. i felt like i didn't want to know about any of it because seeing all the fun they had made me hurt with a sudden loneliness. even though i couldn't go because i'd been on holiday, i still felt incredibly left out of the whole affair because everyone had been meeting up without me over the last weeks organising it all. on my birthday none of them were around to have a drink, and the male friend text me out the blue saying sorry, he couldn't come. i found out later he had apparantely gone up to stay the weekend with the female friend, and that's why he couldn't come.

 

now i find out from the female friend that during the weeks when he didn't reply to my texts, he had already moved into his house and she'd come to visit him for a mini housewarming party. apparantely she would've called me to meet up but didn't have time. she was shocked that i seemed to be the only one who had no clue he'd moved yet. even now i haven't heard a single word from him, and i don't predict i will until i have to corner him at his work to see him face-to-face.

 

i feel like i should be angry, but really i'm just incredibly sad. i know it's partly my fault because i'm always busy, but it's like i've just been cut out completely. i feel like my male friend has taken over our group, and i'm excluded if i can't reach him. it's so hard to talk to him because he just seems to be pushing me away. sometimes it seems like so long since i've been with them i wonder if they even think about me at all anymore.

all i want is to be with my friends again- there's been a huge hole in my life since we drifted apart

[Flyleaf7889]

I suggest meeting some new friends. That way, you won't feel so lonely because you'll have some new people to hang out with, and if you stay in contact with your old friends, you'll also have them.