Flowerpower7 Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 This question more aimed at the guys. If there was a girl whom you wanted more from...but she told you "no"; what would your behaviour towards her be. Girls have said that they would still remain friends (if the tables were turned)....but guys think differently (some do). Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Usually I still try to remain friends with the girl unless she's a total b!tch. Edit: As far as behavior is concerned, I'll probably still act more or less the same around her. Just a little less on the flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 OP, for many years I remained friends with women who shunned me romantically, mistakenly figuring someday I'd have "my turn". Some transitioned into platonic friendships, others remained frustrating unrequited romances. IMO, now that I have more life experience, none were healthy for me, except perhaps the post-romantic period with the platonic friends. This transition took time and distance. Men, due to testosterone, process attraction differently. It rules them in a way women can't seemingly understand. They can't just "turn it off" at will and go on being a woman's buddy That's the background for my answer... If it were someone I've known for a long time, I would spend time apart from them to resolve my feelings but would wish the relationship, as friends, to continue at some point in the future. If it were someone I did not know well, I would just say thanks and good-bye. Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Men, due to testosterone, process attraction differently. It rules them in a way women can't seemingly understand. They can't just "turn it off" at will and go on being a woman's buddy. Elaborate on this. What if they can? Then what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flowerpower7 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 yes, please could you elaborate on this more too. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 The chemical process in a man by which he can find a female sexually attractive before knowing her is something which can, IME, only be controlled and dissipated over time, if at all. Perhaps some of it is due to how a man's brain is stimulated by and retains visual data and can recall that data as visualizations. I'm still unclear as to the exact chemical process but have found, personally, that focusing on the totality of the woman, instead of compartmentalizing the sexual part, has allowed me to dissipate my desire over time. This had to occur in the absence of the person. Any contact interrupted the process. I've experimented with this recently and found the critical time period to be 14-21 days. Once though that stage/phase, thoughts and visualizations lessen. Whenever they return, I focus again on the totality, including the "bad" parts, to regain center. I have heard from other men that they can't ignore their sexual proclivities and cannot be "friends" with a woman whom they do find or have found attractive. I trust that as honest, though it does not rule me. Does that make them more of a "man"? I don't know. What if they can? Then what?Life goes on. He becomes just like any other friend. This is critical. Don't toy with him. Don't send him mixed messages or use him to validate your sexual ego. Appreciate his friendship. I was very intimate (non-sexually) with my platonic female friends and valued their friendship greatly. It's a different place. The affection and love is different. I wish I could explain it better. The few that I was at that place with told me it was like having a girlfriend, but with the eyes and mind of a man, like seeing the world in a different way through a friends eyes. It was that way for me too. I will say that such relationships were more successful while I was still a virgin, perhaps due to signals I was sending out (compared to after losing my virginity). Perhaps this doesn't answer your question, but, remember, I'm a guy Link to post Share on other sites
hermit Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Hehe, I find all these theories really amusing. I think it depends on the individual rather than on whether you're a girl or a bloke. I'm female and you just pretty much described the state I get into when I fancy someone... Always falling for blokes before i even speak to them, i.e visually, and as far as having platonic friendships with men I really lust after/ am in love with, no way! How can you have a normal conversation with someone if you are shaking, stuttering and sweating streams and can't get the thought of sex with them out of your head? Believe me, I've tried and it's something to be avoided at all costs! Then again, there are probably people out there who would be quite happy to just be friends with someone they lust after, who knows! Just depends on who you are i suppose... Link to post Share on other sites
preeya_WT Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Its not easy to have friendship with girl who has denying to lov with u . But still everyone try. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Ah...unrequited love....I'm experienced with that. My problem is I like "damaged" women. By damaged I dont mean physically abused. I'm more of a romantic..and I'm sure I'll get an earful from the following statement. I always kind of want to be the "Knight in armour" for a woman. To snap her out of her problem and show her what she is doing right and what she is doing wrong. I'm attracted to women who have problems like this. Instance 1)Attracted to an ex-co-worker who worked nearby. Made friends with her while she was working at my job. When she quit we continued to hang out sporadically for 2 years. Even went so far as to tell me "no" after a few months that she just wanted to be friends. But would continue to call me and use me for rides to and from work (since we worked near each other still). She eventually moved away and like carhill said...the "lust" dissapated. 2)Woman in bad marriage. Attracted to her but not sure how to really proceed from there. If you want more details you can look in my original post. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164731/ sigh...it's hard that is for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 If a women I wanted more from told me no then I would thank her because she just freed me to pursue someone else who does want more from me. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 This question more aimed at the guys. If there was a girl whom you wanted more from...but she told you "no"; what would your behaviour towards her be. Girls have said that they would still remain friends (if the tables were turned)....but guys think differently (some do). Were she in a circle of people I did not have to see on a regular basis, I think I would just turn and depart from her life. Mind you, that is based on IF I had ever asked to the point where she would have told me "no". In more common situations, I would just fawn over her silently and it would never come to any declaration. Link to post Share on other sites
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