Why does she have to act this way???

[TurtlePower]

Lately my best friend has been unbearable and I absolutely cannot take it anymore.

 

Last week her fiance, myself and I all went to a ballgame, the whole way up there, she was constantly cutting me up, what I thought was initially good natured ribbing quickly turned to bitchiness in my opinion. I know she does this to reassure her recovering insecure fiance that I am not a threat. I got her these tickets for her birthday present because I noticed that whenever her fiance (Who I am friends with as well because of her)mentioned going to games, concerts, etc., he never would include her, it always be us guys going to these events. I could tell she was upset about this, so I made sure come her birthday she would be included and have an event to go of her own.

 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...she texts me mentioning that a concert she wants to go to is coming to town. That is her subtle way of asking if i can get tickets. Because of my job, I can get real good seats at real good prices. I wind up getting three, one for her, one for me, and one for her fiance. As the game we are at is winding down we see a promo for another game in the season, her fiance jumps and mentions an interest in going. Again, he fails to include her or fails to ask if she wanted to go. I had to.

 

Now, before I continue, I must add I already am getting the feeling that the two of them are using me and my ability to get premium tickets. I still get them because she rarely gets to do anything anymore, it always is him going out and she is left to take care of their child. I like to think I am being a good friend by including her. But, I digress...

 

For reasons at this time unknown, I could only get tickets for the concert and not the game. Not to say I won't get them later, but just not now. The only way I can get them now is if I trade the concert tickets for them. I ask her which one she would rather go to. I make sure to ask her when the fiance isnt there so she wont be swayed by what he wants. She doesn't understand and says we should go to both. I explain that we can't. She asks why and I joke because I dont want to go to both with her. Just a typical joke we have, but usually she plays along...not this time!!

 

What proceeded for the next 15 minutes affected my whole day.

 

She said, "I know what'll happen, we'll go to the concert, but you'll still go the game with Todd (Her fiance) and not me!!"

I explain to her that I would never do that.

"Well, you've done it before, I know you have!!!" She says.

I NEVER purposely exclude her from anything, it always is Todd.

 

After that, I said something I know I shouldnt have because I know it'll open a can if worms, "Why do you automatically assume I am the one who is excluding you from things?"

 

"It's your fault, you're an enabler, you put those thoughts in Todd's head"

I mention that last time I stuck up for her, I didn't see her for 6 months because Todd swore we were having an affair. She calls me a martyr.

What bothered me a lot also was that she was belittling me in front of other people, almost as if she was putting on a show. I quickly walked away to avoid a blowup.

 

What I dont understand is why is it my fault, when it is so clear its not?

I even have proof in a txt where Todd says I should get tickets for him, me, and HER UNCLE. No mention of her going, but of course her uncle can go.

 

Whatever do I do?

[Mary3]

Do you have any romantic feelings for this girl ?

 

Why are you so consumed and concerned about everything she does and the lack of what her boyfriend wants to do with her ?

 

Did something happen in your past with her ? This feels like Guilt.

 

Also perhaps they are using you to get better ticket prices ?

 

Why is he leaving her by herself so much and why are you so worried about it ?

 

Do you MORE than care ?

[J2FT1]

It seems like you guys aren't BEST friends after all. They are clearly using you for the games/concerts and TODD clearly has leverage over you with the "affair" incident. You should take care of yourself and make yourself the first priority. They are both using you. She will obviously defend her boyfriend because he is her boyfriend. I agree with Mary3 that you have some feelings for her.

[Trialbyfire]

You're caught in the middle of the nasty couple syndrome. Step back from it. Even sever both friendships, if necessary.

 

While you don't have to make either person look back, you also don't have to take the crap that she dishes out to you. She's a terrible friend to blame you for her problems with her boyfriend.

 

The next time she starts being bitchy about things, in front of her b/f, tell her the truth of the situation, step back and allow the two to hash it out.

[Gordon's Right]

Something is not going to last. Either their relationship, or yours and hers.

[TurtlePower]

Do you have any romantic feelings for this girl ?

 

Why are you so consumed and concerned about everything she does and the lack of what her boyfriend wants to do with her ?

 

Did something happen in your past with her ? This feels like Guilt.

 

Also perhaps they are using you to get better ticket prices ?

 

Why is he leaving her by herself so much and why are you so worried about it ?

 

Do you MORE than care ?

 

I absolutely do not have feelings for her, I am happily engaged. She is like the little sister I never had.

 

Although I agree I am concerned too much with what she does it is purely because she is never included in any of her fiance's plans. She is always an afterthought. I wish I could tell you why he leaves her by herself all the time. I am concerned because I dont think it is right. I thank everyone for their advice and insight.

[Trialbyfire]

She is like the little sister I never had.

 

...and she acts like a spoiled one, where you enable this behaviour. Maybe it's time to tell her that she's a spoiled brat and if she doesn't amend her behaviour, she will lose her big brother/punching bag.

[Mary3]

I absolutely do not have feelings for her, I am happily engaged. She is like the little sister I never had.

 

Although I agree I am concerned too much with what she does it is purely because she is never included in any of her fiance's plans. She is always an afterthought. I wish I could tell you why he leaves her by herself all the time. I am concerned because I dont think it is right. I thank everyone for their advice and insight.

 

 

The last time I heard this was from a guy ( our first date ) where he says he would like to marry the girl that only wanted to be his friend. He said " She is like a little sister , but gorgeous , and I would never want to date her " Yet he talked about her all the time , told her they should get married ( this is on OUR second date ) and that NOBODY could ever be as wonderful as she was....What a freakin joke.

 

You are not being truthful or you are in denial.

 

Something does not SIT right here !

[SlightlyMad]

The last time I heard this was from a guy ( our first date ) where he says he would like to marry the girl that only wanted to be his friend. He said " She is like a little sister , but gorgeous , and I would never want to date her " Yet he talked about her all the time , told her they should get married ( this is on OUR second date ) and that NOBODY could ever be as wonderful as she was....What a freakin joke.

 

You are not being truthful or you are in denial.

 

Something does not SIT right here !

 

With all due respect Mary, but this is precisely the kind of thinking that gets to me. It is 2008, not 1958. Just because a guy and a girl are close friends, people automatically assume there are ulterior motives or hidden feelings involved. Some guys like the friendship of the opposite sex. I for one, find nothing wrong with that. Judging from what Turtle has wrote, it seems he is just trying to be a good friend to this girl. Nothing more. He genuinely seems concerned about her situation as any good friend would and should be. As he says he is happily engaged. My advice to you would just keep to yourself for awhile, she may project her frustrations with her relationship on you because you guys are such good friends. Who knows, she may be doing this on purpose, so you are forced to confront her. Weak cry for help? Perhaps, but what do I know, I think boys and girls can be platonic friends. Much props to you, my friend, I hope everything works out for you!

[JohnnyBlaze]

Mary, Turtle is quite probably legit with that. There's a girl I've known for years (since nursery school) who I consider my sister. Neither of us have any sexual feelings for each other whatsoever. When times are good, we give each other a hard time, when times are bad we offer a comfy shoulder and a strong backbone, and when one of us is in tears, the other asks "whose a$$ do I have to kick?". As we found out at the blood donor clinic one time, we're even the same blood type. Other than the last name, we're family.

 

Turtle, you need to take yourself out of the equation. Let the ticket well dry up for a while. The longer they keep getting tickets from you, the longer this will drag out. He'll keep trying to get tickets without her, you'll keep getting her one, she'll be mad at you for not including her in the beginning (even though it's not your fault) and he'll keep dangling the "affair" sword over your head. If they are friends, they should be your friends, not your tickets' friends.

 

It sounds like they have some issues to work out between them. With you out of the picture, they'll have nowhere to aim the blame except at themselves. Much better than pawning the blame on you, no?

[Mary3]

Okay Johnny I will try to be a bit more understanding.

 

I am just curious though Johnny ; I posted this on an earlier thread and 5 posters told me it was a warning sign regarding the guy I went out with who said " She is like a sister to me, I asked her today to marry me because she is so perfect , but I would never want to date her because I would not want to ruin our friendship. " He also mentioned that she was 27 and gorgeous and he talked about her all the time. I got the impression he DID want more but she did not. Would you tell your date that you asked a girl to marry you that day ?

 

I am trying to be understanding about what you guys are saying. It is true guys and girls can be friends. But how much is true that the guy wishes for more in the friendship ? I have heard alot of guys keep the friendship thing going on in hopes of something further happening.

 

I realize you do have a friend that feels like a sister. I know that is possible

[Trialbyfire]

Not all men want more, although it's true many do. I have some close male friends who I've known for ages, who are married to some of my close female friends.

 

One of these guys is like a big brother to me where he's always there when I need him and I'm always there when he needs me. It's a marvelous relationship with zero interest on either side. His wife has no problems with it because it's blatantly obvious there's no chemistry between the two of us.

[Mary3]

Not all men want more, although it's true many do. I have some close male friends who I've known for ages, who are married to some of my close female friends.

 

One of these guys is like a big brother to me where he's always there when I need him and I'm always there when he needs me. It's a marvelous relationship with zero interest on either side. His wife has no problems with it because it's blatantly obvious there's no chemistry between the two of us.

 

I totally understand. I have a guy friend , we go hiking , concerts together. I don't feel a shred of romance for him. He did ask me one time why we never got jiggy with it and I told him because I would lose you as a friend. He smiled and seemed to be okay with that.