want friendship with a indivdual, but she doesn't-just aquaitance

[joel]

you been in a situation when you want to be friends with this certain individual ,but they don't wnat to be friends with you. kind of hurts

 

i knew this girl shes my co worker at first i was attracted to her and thought she was cute, flirted and talked to her i made jokes, told funny stories.......etc,but i knew she wasn't interested in me in dating /bf. so i said ok i just said be friends with her and nothing more

 

the company we worked for went bankrupt and we were laid off. i still kept in contact with this girl right. i phone her once in a while-once or two times a month like 7 times alothgther and everytime and each time she make an excuse(some is at the door, she has to go..etc) and cut the conversation short. on avg the call was like less than 1 minute. she never once called me just to say hello or wassup , she only called when she needed to pick up my text book she wanted to borrow. all i do is give casual convesation "hello, how are you, what are you doing these days....etc

another time she wanted to borrow my text book she also was taking a course in. she dropped by my place and picked it up and spoke to me for like less th an 1 minute at my door and left. you think if you haven;t seen someone for like 5 months and your friends you talk more or go for coffee. i asked her to go out for coffee with me, hang out wiht me when my other friends had parties comin up and she declined all of them- (the excuses can;t make it, have to shop with friend...etc)

 

another time she invited me to her friends restaurant-picked me up at my house and after that quickly drove me back home. the duariton in the restaurant was like 15 minutes and the drving was like 10 minuts back and forth and you think if you haven't seen that so called friend for like 4 months you hang out and talk more.

 

her email msgs are like 1 sentence long compared to mine which are standard 4 sentences long. casual convestaions and nothing rude or demeaning, or sexual

 

with msn its the same thing too ., i always have to initate the convesation, by saying hello, how you doin, and start topic to talk about, at times she even ends the msn convesation like at most 5 minutes . lately she ends it by saying she haas to go to bed-at most like 3 min chat on msn-and yes i initiate all the time

 

she had a going away party-which she i didn;t get invited to and she never ever even invite me to her get togthers that friends do -i asked her if i can come, and her answer was a long long pause and then ya, but when it came to that day 4 months later she never ask me to come. i decided hey if you not goin to invite me, why bother even attending. its like i'm not worth it

 

not sure why some ppl are like this, i mean i understand she ain;t interested , but she isn;t even intersted in friends either. anyone had this happen to you before , you want to be freinds with that certain indivudual but they don;t want to be friends with you.yoiu invited them to hang out with you-they say no each time and excuses.

Edited January 11, 2008 by joel

[j_hunt_12]

Dude she's not interested in you as a friend or lover. Sometimes that is just how it is. You can't always help it. Yeah, sometimes it sucks, but when someone doesn't want to be friends they dont want to be friends. She probably thinks you are interested in her. Making friends or keeping up with friends is a natural process. When you keep pushing to be friends with someone, your trying to initiate a process that's not naturally forming and of course she's going to think your interested in her as more.

 

You have a lot of example of times you tried to contact her, this really looks like your interested in something more than friendship. Honestly, why would you be interested in being friends with someone that's not putting out the effort?

[Magnatolia]

I'm guessing you don't have a fantastic social life and this seemed like it would be a good friendship.

 

Basically you've tried multiple times to hang out with her, and all times you've gotten she's gone away as quickly as possible.

 

When she gave you her number did she seem like she actually wanted to give you the number? I asked a workmate for her number once and she gave it to me but I wasn't very sure about the way she looked when she gave it to me.

 

I've tried a few times to hang out, maybe once a month or so, but she's always got something on (she's a very social person I think she mentioned she had something like 30 friends that she hangs out with all the time).

[bozwa]

You may be a really nice, good and decent person, but from what I gather, she just doesn't like you (I apologize if that sounded rude). I wouldn't waste your energy on her. Your best bet is to be friends with people who are just as eager to be your friend.

[joel]

do u think sometimes it has to be with status? as to why she or even other ppl don't want to be friends or even date with that certian individual.

she has a 2001 Lancer and drives to work, while i bus to work. job doesn;t even pay enough to get a car , slight above minimum wage. but then she told me her parents bought her the car, and if they didn;t she won;t be driving either.

 

they wondering why i am doing a menial office job and not doing something better.-(my case i finish my studies ,but lack experience in the field other than schooling) was just working at that time to save money for some, and get some job experience. but at same time she was doin this menial job too and going to school and our age wasn;t that far apart at all. so she can;t be looking down on me, b/c if she did , she ain;t do much better either

 

do you think if i was some big shot lawyer, doctor, own a business, dentist...etc-prestige job and high rank and pay and had a nice high end car that it would have changed everything--- she be like my friend and maybe even more. i wonder.

 

kind of in a way. i want to talk and be friends with only ppl who have a univ degree, dress nice and fashionable, cool and socialable ppl, has a decent ride,and a good a paying job-i don;t want to associate with anyone who isn;t even up to par with this.-lower education,dress only old navy, gap, more like a homebody, crummy car or buses-

Edited January 12, 2008 by joel

[NoChance]

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she probably refers you to her friends as the creepy guy who wont stop calling. I realize you have good intentions, but from her viewpoint you like her and wont take a hint shes not interested. She has made it clear many times shes not interested but you keep trying to force a relationship for some reason. Girls usually go for guys who have confidence and self respect. No self respecting guy would continously call a girl who is clearly not interested.

 

It also has nothing to do with your status or wealth that she is not interested. I know this because the biggest player I know is a guy I was friends with back in highschool. He still lives with his parents in the seedy part of town, doesnt work and doesnt have a job. But he's always well groomed, well dressed, and so confident around women though that he has rich valley girls from the suburbs picking him up in their Daddys' expensive cars and taking him out all the time. This guy always has multiple girlfriends, and while he's kind of a douchebag, he proves your theory wrong because he's about as broke as you can get but has always had girls fighting over him since highschool.

[Yellowboy]

Hey that sounds like me a few months ago!

 

But yeah, basically I've done what I can and it became obvious she didn't even want to become friends so I left it that. She's the type who can’t say "no", she even tells me that when some guys ask her out. I figured that is probably the same with me. She can’t say "no" even to me.

 

The age difference also probably factored in as well. She probably thinks I'm a creep I guess :/ It's too bad that these days, "friendliness interpreted wrongly = creepiness". It's a lost cause so don't get too worked up on it and move on. Some people are just like that unfortunately.