Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 I have NO Social Life. Only have like 2 really good friends but i dont get to hang out with them much, they dont go to my school, and they keep themselves busy on the weekends mostly. I want to get a social life. Right now my life is come home from school, eat, watch tv or get on the comp, eat, sleep. I want to be a guy with lots of friends and always have people to go places with. It SUCKS going to the mall with your parents because you have no friends to go with. Problem is I'M SHY, AND HAVE NO SOCIAL SKILLS. I try to make friends with people, but just I just dont know what to say to them or how to react to their comments. Im so quiet its not even funny. If ya'll could help me out here in any way you can then i'd appreciate it, because it really sucks having no friends and no social life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lights Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Could you explain a bit about how this situation happened? (I'm assuming you're in junior high or possibly high school, and you possibly moved away from where you previously were and thus have effectively lost a lot of contact with your old friends?) I'm not exactly a social butterfly myself (I'm burning up myself about never having the social life I wanted either to this day, and I was a near-total loner at that age, pretty much angry at the world), but the no social skills part can be overcome. I'm proof. How would you meet reasonably friendly people where you are? Are the people at school people you'd consider hanging around with? Or would some kind of after-school group of some kind put you around enough of the kinds of people you would like? Regarding not knowing what to say: There isn't a specific answer to that. I'll tell you a bit of stuff I've known. If what's holding you back is a technical matter of not knowing how to hold a conversation, you can use your quietness to your advantage: try listening a bit to the group and find out what people like to talk about. Bring something up about the conversation and mention it to the person next to you (if they're not that threatening). Or, to get to know a person more specifically, ask them about themselves or what they're doing at the time. If what's holding you back is an emotional barrier of not really knowing how to get to know someone or be able to effectively talk to them, it's tough, but quite surmountable. If you have the advantage of a group situation, just hang out for a while until you feel more comfortable around them. Then you might try just talking about whatever comes up in the situation. All of this is dependent, however, on having a reasonably open, reasonably friendly, nonthreatening set of people available; there are some situations and some people in life you simply do not want to be around. Other posters might be able to advise more. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Jizzosh Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 You wanna hear my life story? Well, just high school life story. I doubt yours is worse than mine. Freshman year - I was a loser. I had a bully problem throughout middle school which meant I was dug in a social ditch. I was that guy you saw sitting alone at lunch, the guy who never ever talked to anyone in a regular conversation, never talked to any girls, was that super nerd who went home right after school to do his hw and go on the computer, and most of all I was boring. If anything, I lost friends. Sophomore year - Pretty much the same, except I actually wanted to change. Well, guess what? I did, sorta. I still didn't talk to much girls, but I made some pretty nice bonds with several guys. I was still that nerd, but I hated the fact of sitting alone at lunch and that was no more. I still used the comp a lot, but during the second half of freshman year I started lifting weights and this year it started to show a little. Less boring than last year. Junior Year - That's this year, and that's when everything's starting to change. I'm starting to talk to girls, and actually want a girlfriend. I've made some friends here and there, nothing serious but I've got my clique together, and dumped the glasses for contacts. Lots of girls give me looks, which is a huge confidence booster. Now I can actually start conversations with people. I'm still probably boring, but I laugh a lot and just have a good overall time at school. Now, just so you know, I didn't give you this life story to boost my own ego. The fact is, anyone can change. You have to be the one who wants to do it, and it looks like you're taking the first steps. At least you stepped up and have asked people for advice. I didn't, everything I've accomplished is on my own. It does give personal satisfaction, but takes a lot longer, something which can't be wasted during your hs years. Here's my advice: become a positive person. There's nothing better than a guy who sincerely likes to have a good time. Your positive energy and your actions showing people you want to communicate with them will reflect. There's a lot of other things, but the main thing is to be a down to earth guy and find humor in things. People say that's not being yourself if you try to change, I say bull f***ing *****. I did it, so can you. Now, you've gotta establish a reputation. I'm sure there's that guy at your school who when most people see him just smile, or that guy that likes to smack every girls ass. You've gotta realize you can become anyone, you just have to change so slightly over time that people don't recognize, and boom you're at the top of the mountain. As for conversation skills, I'll tell you the one probably everyone else wants to tell you: ask them about what they like doing, and ask questions about it. It doesn't matter if they like soccer and you think it's the gayest sport out there, if you act interested in what they have to say they'll have no problem telling you all about it. That'll raise their comfort zone with you to another level, and your first victory with them. After that it's pretty easy, because you can talk more comfortably with them. That's not always the case though, you might have to do this several times before you can talk comfortably with them. Hope this helps. I'll add anything else I can think of later. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Dude, here's a suggestion: get involved in some activities. If you live in a reasonable size urban centre, there have to be, e.g., some recreational sports teams you can join. Something like volleyball or softball. That'll keep you busy at least one evening a week and get you out interacting with people. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 In reality......Its hard to make friends...and the people that join those clubs and activities are just like you....no social skills. So a room full of people with no social skills....Its like a mimes funeral. I am a VERY social person....but for some reason, the new area i moved to doens't accept friendliness. I've been here for a year and can call 2 people my friends....its hard..and going to clubs...you don't meet anyone...You meet thu people...friends of friends... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 Well im a freshman in Hischool. I "know" people from my old school last year. Theres also new people in my class that i just met this year. It would be cool to get to hang out with them and stuff. So basically the people that i want to socialize with are in some of my classes, and in all the classes we get atleast 10 minutes of free time where everybody just gets to talk and stuff. I usually just sit there during those free minutes. So I just want to be able to talk to those people, and become friends with them, then hang out with them on weekends and stuff... Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 What yu have to do is kinda over hear any conversation..if you hear something that you can jump in and go "Hey I just did that," or "OH, that was fun, I tried is last year" Something to start something...ya know...I try to to that here but the girls are such bitches! Link to post Share on other sites
Princess112 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 What do you like to do? Considering you say you enjoy the computer... I'll go out on a limb here. What do you enjoy about computers? Programming? If so, take computers or web designing or something like that in your school as an elective. Some people in there will have general interests in that, just like you. And you can start your friendship by discussing classwork and homework, maybe you can ask them one day about some homework difficulty you're having (even if maybe you're not really having them), ask someone for help. As the conversation continues you can be like, so what are you plans this weekend? Want to go watch a movie? (or any other activity that appeals to you). That's one example. Do you prefer gaming? I don't know much about that but I know there are places... kind of like cyber cafe's, that get filled with people that play these computer games, and they all play against each other. Maybe you can go to one of these places, and get to know the people that are there. Ask if you can join in their game and form a friendship through that. OR... maybe you can start a club at your school (or join one if it's already there), about gaming... set out flyers and whatnot, announce on the PA system.. get the word out, and find a sponsor. People will show up and bonds can form from there. Clubs are fun, and most of them become very close-knit groups. I personally enjoy ping-pong. And Paintball fights . "Sports" are cool, they tend to force the interaction in you already. Get out! Don't feel bad because there isn't someone with you, I understand you're quiet, I'm quiet too, but like... I don't know, I don't crave having a lot of friends. I'm happy with 2 REALLY GOOD friends than having a million acquaintances. And I don't feel the need to see those friends all the time anyway. I tend to spend a lot of my time with my family... and with kids. How about community service? You probably have to do several hours anyway for your school, so why not try to meet people there? There should be a community service club, or if not, you can find places and volunteer... even something as abstract as an office. Go up to the boss and tell them you'd like to volunteer. That's all it takes. A workplace can be another tight-knit community and friendships can bond from there too (beware though, not everyone is well-intentioned) I suppose as a resolution to your quietness... clubs and such would be most beneficial, because you can ask questions about what you're doing, or offer tips about what someone else is doing, and if you feel uncomfortable, you can easily go back to doing what you were doing before.. without making the situation feel uncomfortable. And ask people about themselves.. if it's clubs or such you can ask what classes they're taking, maybe what career they want to pursue when they leave highschool, or what they want to do period, or if they're starting work... or if they have a car.. I don't know how old you are so I'm not sure what your current situation is right now. If you're just starting highschool, then maybe you can ask what middle school they went to, and whether they've had a hard time adjusting, don't be afraid to be open. If it's sophomore year, you can probably talk about getting your restricted or driver's license... junior year talk about umm... class rings and all the benefits of being a junior.. and senior year you can talk about prom and college and whatnot. If you're already in college, how about joining a fraternity... and that in itself will MAKE you form bonds with people. But my guess is you're still in highschool, and that you're just beginning. Hope everything works out, keep us updated and come back and reply! We've been advising but haven't received any input from you back. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 ah yes, high school... i survived it by discovering the power of laughter. Not that I was the one cracking all the jokes, I personnally hate being the center of attention. No I was the one ready to laugh with whoever was making them, at the funny situations that inevitably come up in High School as in life. my suggestion : laugh and smile more. See humor everywhere. It's simple and corny, but it still does wonders for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Ah, and most importantly, never forget : there is a life after high school. Populated with tons of people with different interests. I know this may seem like in a long time for you, but don't worry, it will go by fast, especially if you join all those clubs other members are recommending you join. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Hey thanks guys! People actually invited me to go to a football game with them and go to the movies! )). Any more advice i would also appreciate! Link to post Share on other sites
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