Guest Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 I hope I can get some advice that will help me out.. The situation: About 2 months ago I met up with an old friend while I was shopping... We talked about old times and exchanged phone numbers and decided to keep in touch... I am in a long distance relationship and am head over heals for my guy... I have been in this relationship for 8 months now... We see each other basically every weekend. My "old friend" that I met up with and I have kept in touch... Kept in touch a little too much. The old friend has recently gone through a rough breakup with the mother of his child and a three year relationship. The Problem : My friend was having a hard time with what he had been through and I decided to get him out of the house for a bit. We went out and had a couple drinks and went to old hang out spots where we used to go back in high school. My friend knows all about my guy and how I feel about him. I have made it plain and clear that I don't want anything more then a friendship with my old friend. That was fine, up until the last couple of weeks. My old friend calls me NON STOP.. I mean sometimes 15 times in three hours. When I talk to him on the phone he gets mad when I say I gotta go to bed.. I have a child to get up in the morning as well as work and stuff. The past few days my friend keeps saying weird stuff to me like he is having a problem starting a new relationship because no one is me and that is what he wants.. He is ALWAYS saying bad things about my guy to try and get me mad at him.. Keep in mind that he has never met my guy and has no idea who he is. My guy treats me and my son amazing. The last conversation we had I told him that I do not like what he says about my guy and that my feelings are with my guy not him. He threw in my face that the night we went out to get him out of the house that I led him on... I did not feel that I led him on at all. I have always been honest with him and told him that I cared alot for my guy. I made it clear that we could have a friendship but I did not have any other feelings for him. He has asked me to see him during the week when I am not with my guy.. I was very angry when he mentioned this.. I would never ever cheat on my man. About a half hour after I got off the phone with my friend my man called saying that my friend called him and told him we had been sleeping together for the past 2 weeks... I have never done anything with him.. My man trusts me and knows that nothing happened but this has put alot of strain on my relationship. My friend used my cell phone the night we were out and took note of my mans number. I feel completely betrayed and I have quit answering my friends calls... to me what he did is not something a friend would do... He has started to call me at work and will not leave me alone.. My boss is getting angry and now it's not just my relationship that is going rocky but my career as well.. I have no idea what the next step should be to do.. not answering his calls does not work because he just keeps calling.. I have changed my cell number and blocked his number from my house phone but I can not do this at work... Any help and advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Zeeboo Zebuloo Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 If you care about the friendship? You need to be honest. Don't beat around the bush, just ask him "Why are you being so clingy? I really wish you wouldn't do that...it weirds me out" If he's a decent guy, he'll apologize and back off a little. Sure he might be hurt-but if he cares about you he'll respect your honesty. If he doesn't? He's a tosser, not a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 Could you report him to the police for harrassment? You don't need someone like that in your life full stop. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 Wow. This man is more than just clingy, he is obsessive. It is one thing to call all the time, and make romantic comments, quite another when he actually calls your BF and tells him something like that. It was definately a premeditated move, having gotten your BF phone number previous in such an underhanded way. He knew he was planning to do something with it. The whole thing just sounds creepy to me. I would give him a warning, either via email, or phone call that his actions are becoming quite irrational to the point of obsessive, and that if he doesnt back off, you are going to have to get serious with him in terms of restraining order. Tell him you dont wish for things to escalate in that manner, but he cannot interfere in your life the way that he has so drastically and expect that you are not going to react as if he is now a threat to your life. Because that is what he is slowly becoming- a threat to your life. Be careful and tread lightly, he sounds as if he is on the outter workings of making you the entire focus of his whole existence. Is your BF aware of how concerning his behaviour towards you has been (besides the obvious phone call?) He has started to call me at work and will not leave me alone.. What are these conversations you have with him at work like? Link to post Share on other sites
hopeto Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 o'my gosh....... you nedt o call the police and get a restranning order! he has fliped his lid!! first starts the phone calls, then the harrising(sorry for the spelling) then the work harrasment then the stalking starts. he is what I would do. not sure if it is the right thing to do but I would 1. answer his call but before you do have a recorder that you can pick up from walmart for about 20 bucks and tell him you know that he has called your boyfriend and that you are not intrested in him at all. I would then tell him I was not intrested in even being friends because of the way he handled things. if you lost touch before and have not seen each other for a long while I would lose touch again. I would then go get a restraining order and if need be I would play the tape. also it is very important that you log all the times he is calling you and the times and the messages he leaves. when you get the order then you can show your boyfriend that what you were saying was true and that you are not skirting around behind his back. I would say to you to leave this person alone. I know he is probly hurting from his breakup but you know sometimes things go to far and you really need to be concerned for your safty this guy sounds crazy!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Wow. This man is more than just clingy, he is obsessive. It is one thing to call all the time, and make romantic comments, quite another when he actually calls your BF and tells him something like that. It was definately a premeditated move, having gotten your BF phone number previous in such an underhanded way. He knew he was planning to do something with it. The whole thing just sounds creepy to me. I would give him a warning, either via email, or phone call that his actions are becoming quite irrational to the point of obsessive, and that if he doesnt back off, you are going to have to get serious with him in terms of restraining order. Tell him you dont wish for things to escalate in that manner, but he cannot interfere in your life the way that he has so drastically and expect that you are not going to react as if he is now a threat to your life. Because that is what he is slowly becoming- a threat to your life. Be careful and tread lightly, he sounds as if he is on the outter workings of making you the entire focus of his whole existence. Is your BF aware of how concerning his behaviour towards you has been (besides the obvious phone call?) What are these conversations you have with him at work like? Excellent Advice This mans actions are seriously disturbing and I think its highly likey he is obsessed and fantasizing about you to a dangerous degree. I think you and your boyfriend should be careful. Not trying to scare you but with your bf out of the picture ( in this Bardo Mind set type of thinking ) he can have you to himself finally. He has crossed boundaries and lines to the scarey nth degree. I would get a restraining order. He will be arrested for coming near you and ( one for your bf ). That wont likely stop him totally. Keep a watch on your back after thats filed. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Thank you all for your input... Just to let you all know.. my "old friend showed up drunk at 2am on my doorstep and would not leave. I had to call the police to have him escorted off my property.. There is now a restraining order in place. I was hoping it would not have to happen like this but, I'm sure it is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts