lucid Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 I am frustrated....and need advice... At my work, I have befriended a couple of people. Well, to get technical, 2 guys who were both friends prior to working with this company. They are both nice and sweet. I am actually quite attracted to the both of them for different reasons. However, there is some concern that one guy is not doing what he is supposed to be doing. The owners of the company think he is slacking, taking off and playing hooky instead of working througout the day. I have this feeling as well. Since it is a A/C company, the workers are pretty much left to their own devices during the day. The owner has decided to send a "shadow" out and trail this guy. Mostly just spot checks, to make sure he is doing what he says he is doing. The owner basically told us to zip our lips about this, and not to let on that we know he is being shadowed. As I mentioned before, I am quite attracted to these guys, particularly the one in question. HOWEVER....This does not mean in any way that I am going to blab and let him know he is being shadowed. My loyalty is to my company, for various reasons, both personal and professional. THE PROBLEM: The owner of the company. Its a family owned company, really good people, honest, hardworking, really caring, the whole 9. Since this whole shadow expedition began, he has been eyeing me, which I am sure is a product of a guilty conscience. The minute I talk to these guys, whether it is casual flirtation, or asking them about certain jobs, or just to chit chat, the owner is hawking me. I dont see them all that much, maybe 20 minutes altogether in a work day. When I do see them, I stop to talk with them, as I do with the rest of the others. But because of this shadow expedition, the owner (who I believe has mixed feelings about doing it in the first place) wont stop hawking me. I heard the owner not too long ago talking to someone else about me, saying that if I want to distance myself, that was fine, but that I was going to find that it may not be so easy to get back in good graces once all is said and done. WTF???? I havent been distancing myself??!! I have been the same as I always been, since I started working there. I dont get it. The owner has become really snippy with me, eyeballing me, making snide comments.,.,. It is almost like he is forcing me to stop talking to these guys, but silently threatening, if you understand me. Well, it got to be too much. It was starting to stifle me, so I took the wife aside, and explained to her that I felt these strange vibes from her husband, ever since the shadow thing came about. I told her that I would never betray my company, and that what they need to do for their company is for the best, and that my relationships, and who I talk to have nothing to do with my role within this company. SHe was glad I talked to her about it, and she did tell me that he was feeling like that. So I wasnt imagining it. WELL.... It didnt work. He is more hawk like than ever. It finally came to a head yesterday, when I was talking to him about something COMPLETELY unrelated. He asked me what my deal was with these guys, if it was a flirtation or what. I told him that it was..then he said "dont you have a BF"? Yes, but I am not doing anything illegal...and its not like my BF doesnt do his fair share of flirting and then some...I felt like my relationship with my BF was on trial or something.... So I explained to him that my loyalty to the company...blah blah blah,...then he chose to attack my work performance....which he was concerned I was letting go b/c I talk to these guys....hello, its only 20 minutes in a day, and that is split up, if that....Which he had to agree it wasnt my work....but then it was back to my BF and my relationship and why am I flirting with other men if I have a BF and it doesnt sound good to him..... Sounds and feels like he is silently threatening me to back off from these men. Period. Or he is going to do something about it. Like fire me, or tell my my BF..(whom he knows I have had my fair share of problems with) So now what? What should I do? I really am hesitant about breaking this friendship with these guys, it was my first time coming out of my shell, and not being so shy, living a little and not taking life so seriously and not investing all of my love into a BF that clearly wants to do his own thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucid Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 So I gather my post was a little too long to read, and noone wanted to comment on this?! I am just incredibly stuck, and need opinions.... for a short version: I am friends with these guys. Owner has suspicions that one of them is taking advantage of company, so uses a shadow to find out Owner has a tree up his butt..about what, I am now sure now...i thought it was b/c he thought I was leaking information...now I am not so sure... I am coming to you for your advice. Please advise! thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 Perhaps in his mind, the owner is making some nexus between you haveing a boyfriend yet flirting and your loyalty to the company. If you could flirt with others when your boyfriend isn't around, perhaps you could also be disloyal to the company and tip off your friend. I think his imagination is running away with him but that could be the problem as he perceives it.My advice would be to confine yourself to business only at work and do the rest on your own time. Also, don't discuss personal things with your boss anymore. The less he knows of your private life, the better. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishRod Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Perhaps in his mind, the owner is making some nexus between you haveing a boyfriend yet flirting and your loyalty to the company. If you could flirt with others when your boyfriend isn't around, perhaps you could also be disloyal to the company and tip off your friend. I think his imagination is running away with him but that could be the problem as he perceives it.My advice would be to confine yourself to business only at work and do the rest on your own time. Also, don't discuss personal things with your boss anymore. The less he knows of your private life, the better. I agree, maybe you should distance yourself from the employee in question, if in fact your loyalty is to the company. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucid Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 As I said, my loyalty IS to my company...but why should I be the only one to give up friendships?? And of course, this was my first venture towards opening up, and becoming less severe and depressed about things....having these friends really meant something to me..... Dont YOU remember your first friends?!! Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Woah nelly , no need to get upset but if you do value your job you minght want to cut contact with the men your boss is irritated about simply to save your job. I can understand wanting to make friends but work is a place for working and if your boss has some problem simply take your friendship out of the workplace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucid Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 There is no quieting an angry mob. Once they get going, they just dont listen or even see the reason. Things have reached a new low. They have now started to condemn me for other things, and basically, I am in danger of losing my job. Never mind that the whole reason they started in on me was because I made a friend that they happen to be shadowing...and nevermind that my attempts to put them at ease have failed. If I have indeed told said friend about this shadowing madness, why then does friend still continue to be where he is not supposed to be when they check up on him? Doesnt seem to make sense to me. If I was leaking info to the enemy, dont you think he would stay on track and be where he is supposed to be?? hhhrrrmmmm..... But whatever, lets continue with the witch hunt and throw rotten tomatoes.... oh yes, and I have stopped talking to them. But next it will be that I am subliminally telling him with my mind that he is being shadowed.. pardon me, let the witch hunt commense... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucid Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 You guy do not seriously know how horrid and pitiful my life was before. My whole life was focused around my BF and his life. (At his whole design) I finally got some perspective, and started to come out of the haze, and really see people around me, finally SEE them, instead of brushing them off and distancing myself. I owe it to my new friend. He made me understand that there is nothing wrong with having friends in the world. People need other people. According to BF, there is something wrong with that. Now it looks like the first time I try, I got shot down. I know you guys say I can talk to him or make friends outside of work...but think about it...can I really? I do have a BF that expects me to come home right away...what am I to say to him? "sorry, I cant, I am hanging out with my new friend who happens to be a man"? forget it..it will never fly, and I am not into sneaking around to have friends. its lame. Looks like its back to being at my BF beck and call every f-ing day. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 It's not a witch hunt. Your boss is of the 'if you're not with me, you're against me' mentality and in order to be considered 'with him', you had to shun these guys as he does. I'm not really buying your claim about this being about 'friendship'. You clearly state that you are attracted to both while having a boyfriend. Your boss probably thinks little of you because flirting with other men when you're committed is often considered the behavour of a skank. The writing's on the wall. You won't recover from this. If you'll get a package for being fired then wait until it happens but basically you're done there so you might want to look for another job - and learn from this how not to behave next time. Bosses often figure they're god and therefore your job is to do their bidding no matter how unreasonable. If you don't figure that out, you'll have a lot of trouble staying employed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucid Posted May 19, 2006 Author Share Posted May 19, 2006 I'm not really buying your claim about this being about 'friendship'. What is it about then? You clearly state that you are attracted to both while having a boyfriend. Part of the reason I am attracted to them is because they have attractive personalities. flirting with other men when you're committed is often considered the behavour of a skank. If joking around and talking to them about music, and politics and everything in between is flirting..then I am guilty. I am not sure what flirting is exactly. We dont talk about anything sexual, and they are both aware that I have a BF..So I am not leading them on in any way. Bosses often figure they're god and therefore your job is to do their bidding no matter how unreasonable. A month ago, I would of never thought this about him....but now this statement seems to be in accordance with his mentality. It is just all so stupid. Its obvious I havent told him anything...cant they see that???? If I did tell him, why is he never where he is supposed to be? Quite obviously he doesnt want to lose his job so WTF? Cant they see that???? It seems pretty obvious to me! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 IF you want to keep your job - then just do the job and forget the rest! IF you intend to socialize a bit with them - then I suggest you do so outside of work and be sure it is with someone private enough not to share it with others that you work with... if you want to keep your job! Link to post Share on other sites
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