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I cried at work and Iím really beating myself up over it.


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Old 13th June 2018, 1:57 PM   #1
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I cried at work and Iím really beating myself up over it.

Okay, so I work in marketing for a small company. Today I got scolded for the first time and it was via email. The owner of the company accused me of doing an aspect of my job wrong and he was quite harsh via email about it, his tone was a bit belittling. I knew that I did nothing wrong but it still got to me and I cried a little at my desk. No one actually saw me crying but when my supervisor walked by my desk I talked to him about the situation. As I was talking to him, my voice once again kept cracking and it almost felt like I was going to cry again right in front of him, but I didnít. After reviewing the emails with me, my supervisor agreed that I was in the right and that I did nothing wrong. However, Iím super embarrassed that he saw me like that. I donít handle authority figures talking down at me very well and my tears were mostly due to frustration but I still feel unprofessional. I just donít want my supervisor to think Iím weak or super-sensitive (even though that might be the case). Any advice?
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Old 13th June 2018, 2:01 PM   #2
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Don't beat yourself up over it. This will pass.

The next time you are in a situation whereby you can't handle yourself emotionally, get up and go to the restroom, let it all out and get yourself together.
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Old 13th June 2018, 3:00 PM   #3
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Yeah, you're going to have to toughen up to compete in this world on an equal level. You are going to experience many people who will challenge you. You have to learn how to handle it without getting emotional.
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Old 13th June 2018, 3:39 PM   #4
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You're in no way "weak" for having an emotional reaction to an a-hole who doesn't know how to communicate properly. HE is weak for not knowing how to constructively bring an employee's attention to an area he feels needs improvement.

Yeah, it's ideal to not allow work matters visibly to ruffle your feathers, but you're human; we all are; and we all have our moments. Forgive yourself, shrug it off, stick a silent pox on anyone who tries to humiliate you about it, and keep moving forward.
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Old 13th June 2018, 3:44 PM   #5
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Iíd recommend thinking about the situation and then reply back - calmly - to the owner and cc your boss on it.
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Old 13th June 2018, 4:00 PM   #6
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I only cry at work if I'm mad, so I actually told them "I cry when I'm really mad." Not weak. Mad. It's okay your voice cracked. That could be anger as well from being unjustly accused.
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Old 13th June 2018, 4:30 PM   #7
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Act like it never happened. Don't mention it. Don't apologize.

Do address the issues in the e-mail. Figure out what you did vs what the owner said he/she wanted. It doesn't matter that your boss said it was OK; the person who signs your paycheck said it was wrong, so it was wrong.

You need to find a strength you didn't know you had & talk to the owner about it. You go to them with the e-mail, with what you did, support for what you did & the comments from the supervisor. Then ask the owner to reconcile those things for you so that you can avoid future problems & deliver the service the way the owner wants you to.

Sometimes bosses are unreasonable. I have certain things as a boss that make me nutty. For example, I prefer serif fonts & jagged right margins as opposed to san serif fonts & justified margins. I tell that to employees up front. It says that in the book I give about how they should do their job & I can be snippy when they violate my rule. Sans-serif fonts & justified margins aren't wrong but they do not conform to the brand I want my company to project.

On the other side of the coin is the boss who wants you to do something wrong. I had a boss tell me to do something. I knew it was illegal. I pointed that out. The boss blew a gasket. He did it himself. He was out of state when somebody showed up at the office hoppin' mad & threatening to have him arrested. Through some fancy footwork on my part I managed to calm the situation down & resolve it. Boss still wasn't happy & called me all sorts of unflattering names including incompetent. I kind of blew my cool & said if I was incompetent you'd be in hand cuffs now. Then I started looking for another job.
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Old 13th June 2018, 6:39 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tallgirl91 View Post
O I knew that I did nothing wrong but it still got to me and I cried a little at my desk.
Emotions aside, you're conflating two separate things. Within moral and ethical boundaries, right and wrong in a company usually relates to how the owner wants things done. Learning and understanding the company culture and procedures is part of navigating the corporate world. Make sure you stay focused on the big picture.

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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Sometimes bosses are unreasonable. I have certain things as a boss that make me nutty. For example, I prefer serif fonts & jagged right margins as opposed to san serif fonts & justified margins. I tell that to employees up front. It says that in the book I give about how they should do their job & I can be snippy when they violate my rule. Sans-serif fonts & justified margins aren't wrong but they do not conform to the brand I want my company to project.
Perfect example...

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Old 13th June 2018, 6:47 PM   #9
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Actually the stifled tears ... the fact that you were really upset ... was good to show him, you can argue.

He needs to know that you were really bothered by his message.

Hopefully he'll use this experience to communicate better with you ... even if you do a task wrong ...

There's nothing wrong with crying in today's world ... Shows you really want to do a good job and you take your job seriously.

And ... you displayed great courage in showing him the email and in confronting him ... and he backed off ... That's a huge success. Go girl!
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Old 13th June 2018, 8:27 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
Emotions aside, you're conflating two separate things. Within moral and ethical boundaries, right and wrong in a company usually relates to how the owner wants things done. Learning and understanding the company culture and procedures is part of navigating the corporate world. Make sure you stay focused on the big picture.



Perfect example...

Mr. Lucky
I just donít think I can fully agree with what youíre saying. In this situation, if I had not been vocal it wouldíve negatively impacted the sales team. If I had taken the ownerís advice I wouldíve been the one to blame. I HAD to say something.
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Old 14th June 2018, 12:29 AM   #11
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I agree with others and don't let it get to you.

I've worked in a corporate environment for a long time. People really suck at communicating via email.

I used to sit right next to a douchebag who never spoke to me in person but would send me scathing emails while CC'ing his boss and Bcc'ing my boss.

Even for trivial requests he'd always cc his boss and bcc mine. It always came across like he was tattling on me which diluted any trust or respect.

As you climb up the corporate ladder people will still yell at you via email. Douchebags exist at all levels.
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Old 14th June 2018, 2:25 AM   #12
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Reel back a bit from feeling embarrassed that your supervisor saw you having a wobble (and what you've described is a wobble).
Your supervisor took time to listen to you and also to have a good look at what the owner had said. The supervisor didn't agree with the owner either - nor did he tailor a less harsh way to say you were the one in the wrong - what he did was agree completely that you were right.
Forget the (very few) tears and focus on that instead.

I've worked in business for so many years and something that you have to rationalise for yourself is that people do flip out and when they do it's always in an unprofessional manner.
I suspect that if the owner had any inkling you had shed a tear they would feel pretty awful about it I also suspect that your supervisor will 'take care of ' the issue with the owner and the harshness of it in a professional manner. That supervisor would not mention anything about your wobble.

These kind of events when they happen can have an effect upon your work confidence though and none of us here nor your supervisor would want that, neither do you but it may happen and you may feel it.
If you find you 'feel' it then there's a great book called Be Bulletproof: How to Achieve Success in Tough Times written by James & Simon Brooke. It's a dead easy read to dip in and out of too.
it's not a huge corporate type of a book and I don't recommend books unless I think they could be of value to people.

The other thing to remember is bosses can just be total utter twits! I know this from experience - why? Cos I have been a total utter twit in the past myself!
I've also been the one just like you on the receiving end too though on more occasions than I care to remember.

But yeah, if you feel that sting of lost confidence (which is how it feels) over this and if it lasts more than a day or so then grab a copy of that book.
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Old 14th June 2018, 12:22 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Tallgirl91 View Post
I just donít think I can fully agree with what youíre saying. In this situation, if I had not been vocal it wouldíve negatively impacted the sales team. If I had taken the ownerís advice I wouldíve been the one to blame. I HAD to say something.
Again Tallgirl91, I'm assuming what the owner wanted you to do didn't cross ethical/moral/legal boundaries, it was just a disagreement on approach or procedure.

Having said that, is your job success more closely related to positively impacting the sales team or following the owner's instructions?

Mr. Lucky
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Old 14th June 2018, 5:30 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Tallgirl91 View Post
I just don’t think I can fully agree with what you’re saying. In this situation, if I had not been vocal it would’ve negatively impacted the sales team. If I had taken the owner’s advice I would’ve been the one to blame. I HAD to say something.
Noone advised you to let the owner's criticisms go. What I advised you was to find out how to reconcile what you did with what the owner claims to have wanted so this problem doesn't happen again in the future.
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