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Co-worker has started to ignore me for no reason


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Old 3rd March 2018, 11:55 AM   #1
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Co-worker has started to ignore me for no reason

Hello everyone.

I would like a little bit of advice please.

I work for a relatively small company which means that all co-workers see each other at some point during the day. Well about two months ago a new guy started to work at the company and I'm quite an outgoing person and very friendly with everyone so I introduced myself and he was friendly enough back but I realised quickly that he was a very quiet guy.

Anyway, about a week ago in the morning he was in the restroom about half an hour before work started and was reading his book. I said "good morning" and he said the same back. I tried to initiate a little chat with him because no one else was in the room and he was friendly enough and I thought that in the future I would be speaking to him more and get to know him better. He came across as a really nice guy, very intelligent, formal, friendly, etc.

However, ever since then he has basically been ignoring me completely. I keep asking myself whether or not I have said something to upset him but I know for a fact I have not and I'm not a confrontational person so I don't want to go storming over to him and cause an argument. The whole situation is really weird because he kept a door open for me the other day and I said "thank you" but he didn't even respond and just walked on to his chair.

I have asked the other guys and girls that work at the company if he speaks to anyone and they have all said that that they just see him reading his book during break times and that he rarely ever speaks to anyone unless someone else speaks to him first. I still feel as though he is singling me out because he is ignoring me.

The whole situation is making me feel uneasy because I feel awkward at work and I hope that I never said anything that has upset him but I genuinely do not think I have said anything of the kind. I have never had a single argument with anyone at work and I have been there for nearly 10 years now.

The other day I caught him looking at me but when I tried to maintain eye contact and even smiled he just looked away. I'm in my 30s and I would say he is roughly around the same age.

Could it all just be one big game for him?

Any advice please?

Thank you.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 12:38 PM   #2
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Maybe he's embarrassed about you approaching him in the restroom, Louise.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:01 PM   #3
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I'm a very bubble person and try my best to get on with everyone. I was only being friendly.

I still have a feeling that it is personal because he ignores me completely but speaks to others.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:15 PM   #4
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You need to explain the bathroom thing, Louise. First of all, are you a female? the name Louise is female.

So is the bathroom a lounge area with sofas or chairs? Or was he reading while on the john? If you are female, how did you end up in the men's room? Was he reading a book or sitting on the john reading his smartphone? Was he standing around reading his phone or reading a book?

Please give some details. If you're a guy and the guy was doing his business, no one wants to be talked to during that. If he was maybe hiding in the bathroom reading his smartphone, maybe he didn't like someone seeing him. You don't talk to people while they're using the bathroom, do you? Because if so, that's invasive. If you're a guy, some guys have had bad experiences with other guys hitting on them in the bathroom and their radar may automatically go up when a guy talks to them in the bathroom.

Give details and we'll try to sort it out.
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Old 6th March 2018, 2:07 PM   #5
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Yes, I am a female.

I am British, the word 'restroom' means a restroom for people to relax in, not the American meaning a toilet. Sorry, I perhaps should have used a better word to describe the room.

He was sitting at a table reading his book and minding his own business. I thought I would be polite and as I was waiting for the kettle to boil I just went over to him and introduced myself.

I wouldn't say I asked him anything too personal, I just asked him if he had a partner or children, hobbies and interests, what was his last job, etc. He seemed friendly enough and answered the questions without any sort of reluctance. He even said "bye, take care" to me.

I don't understand why since then he has ignored me completely. Today at work I tried to smile at him and he just looked the other way. The worst part about it is that I do occasionally see him looking over at me or when he has to put some work next to me I catch him looking at me and then he just looks away and walks away.

I was talking to my close friend today and she thinks that he either does not want to speak to anyone or that he could possibly like me and is deliberately being awkward.
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Old 6th March 2018, 3:10 PM   #6
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sometimes ppl are not too keen on each other

sounds like he is just doing the bare minimum (but no more) because he has to be polite at work
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Old 6th March 2018, 3:15 PM   #7
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Just ignore him and go on with your work. Maybe he just doesn't feel like being social.
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Old 6th March 2018, 3:39 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Louise JP. View Post
I have asked the other guys and girls that work at the company if he speaks to anyone and they have all said that that they just see him reading his book during break times and that he rarely ever speaks to anyone unless someone else speaks to him first. I still feel as though he is singling me out because he is ignoring me.
Maybe you're hyper sensitive because you like him therefore feel like he's singling you out when infact he behaves the same way to others.

You don't need to be friends with everyone at work and no one has to like you. He could be introverted and likely prefers to keep to himself. Nothing wrong with that.
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Old 6th March 2018, 4:17 PM   #9
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He could be introverted and likely prefers to keep to himself. Nothing wrong with that.
Exactly this. OP, Google some articles about what it means to be an introvert and you'll have a better understanding of what this guy is about.

Reading a book alone in the break room might be his one chance at work to decompress and recharge, which to an introvert is just as necessary as breathing. You took that away from him when you tried striking up a conversation.
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Old 6th March 2018, 4:37 PM   #10
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I'd say he's just not social. If married, he may just not want to encourage any women at all. If gay, he just may not want to encourage any women at all. If he just wants his job to last, he just may not want to encourage any coworkers at all.

If I were you, I'd stop caring. Because on the off-chance he likes you but is awkward, then he's obviously not fit to be social and date. More likely, he's just not wanting someone all up in his business for whatever reason, being most likely he likes to keep to himself or interpreted your friendliness as interest (which is was) and doesn't want to encourage that.
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Old 6th March 2018, 6:39 PM   #11
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As an introvert, I often find outgoing and bubbly people somewhat annoying. I also dislike small talk. So I do tend to avoid them or do bare minimum to be polite. I avoid them because I don't want to encourage them to talk to me. I would much prefer reading a book than making small talk.
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