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Coworker was extremely snarky with me for simply trying to clarify what was needed!


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 9th February 2018, 12:43 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by siren8272 View Post
I get where youre coming from and for the people saying get a thicker skin no she cant control how others act but guess what neither can her coworker. I am quick to cut people off....the next time he interacted with me id be snarky back. IK IK here come the speeches about professionalism but he wasnt being professional. Ive had coworkers try me and I gave it right back to them and they act all perplexed...like yea I am not the one. So i know this may not be a popular stance but give people what they give you. This letting it roll off your back and being the bigger person mess is for the birds. Cold shoulder is what I recommend outside of work discussions freeze the person out.

Teach people how to treat you.
Well that's one way to deal with it but did you know that how we behave generally affects how we feel on the inside. If you want to stay resentful and angry towards coworkers then that doesn't make for a very pleasant work environment. Do you really enjoy carrying a grudge and holding resentment? Do you think it's pleasant for anyone else around you? If worked with you and witnessed you treating other coworkers with snark and rudeness it would make me really uncomfortable, even if you rudeness wasn't directed at me it would create an overall unpleasant work experience. Also it's likely to breed even more hostility in the coworker who angered you in the first place and they will treat you rudely and then you will be rude back and then they will be rude to you again and it never ends and if this happens with more than one person I can't imagine what an awful place that would be to work.

In this case I think teaching others how to treat you would be to lead by example. I'm not going to let some minor attitude of someone else ruin my day or turn me into a miserable grudge carrying score keeping angry coworker. I don't want to deal with people like that and I don't want others to see me that way.
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Old 9th February 2018, 1:00 AM   #17
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Mapper71, you've processed this incident in this thread. Seems to me that now you'd be ahead of the game to prepare for the next similar incident.

Maybe decide beforehand that when someone does this you are going to, in your mind, consider them a child throwing a tantrum, and just be the adult. Tell yourself you are setting an example as a role model for the person. Whether or not they notice and change is not the issue. The issue is that it may set you free.

When you encounter something you can't change and that you can't deal with, change your perspective.

A good friend of mine told me of an incident I loved and think of often. Her dad, an elderly man, was driving and she was in the passenger seat when some teenaged girls started messing with him on the road and got into a situation of road rage.

The girls finally passed him giving him the finger and nasty looks and what he did is, to me, so cool! He blew them a kiss! I love it! It seems such an act of beauty!

When I heard that I decided that I wanted to "blow kisses" (symbolically) to people who mistreated me or became angry with me. I'm not always (probably rarely, lol!) successful but it's a great goal!
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:07 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
See, what I get from this is that you're teaching them that if you have a bad day and snap by accident, they are to cut you off and be cold forever. Are you really OK with people holding grudges at you for minor things which they could have let go? Seems like a way to be really lonely at work.
Well lucky for me I have friends OUTSIDE of work. So yea...Im a im at work to work type person not there to be bffs. Best to keep your head down and work....save making friends for outside of work.
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Old 9th February 2018, 2:13 AM   #19
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Well that's one way to deal with it but did you know that how we behave generally affects how we feel on the inside. If you want to stay resentful and angry towards coworkers then that doesn't make for a very pleasant work environment. Do you really enjoy carrying a grudge and holding resentment? Do you think it's pleasant for anyone else around you? If worked with you and witnessed you treating other coworkers with snark and rudeness it would make me really uncomfortable, even if you rudeness wasn't directed at me it would create an overall unpleasant work experience. Also it's likely to breed even more hostility in the coworker who angered you in the first place and they will treat you rudely and then you will be rude back and then they will be rude to you again and it never ends and if this happens with more than one person I can't imagine what an awful place that would be to work.

In this case I think teaching others how to treat you would be to lead by example. I'm not going to let some minor attitude of someone else ruin my day or turn me into a miserable grudge carrying score keeping angry coworker. I don't want to deal with people like that and I don't want others to see me that way.

Oh no who said anything about carrying a grudge ? I simply said turn on the ice the guy was being a jerk and deserves the ice. Well if it sends the message to the other coworkers to not "eff with me" id be fine with it like I said Im at work to work. Allowing rudeness towards me would also make work unpleasant. Nip that behavior in the bud is all im saying.
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:24 AM   #20
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Oh no who said anything about carrying a grudge ? I simply said turn on the ice the guy was being a jerk and deserves the ice. Well if it sends the message to the other coworkers to not "eff with me" id be fine with it like I said Im at work to work. Allowing rudeness towards me would also make work unpleasant. Nip that behavior in the bud is all im saying.
Isn't holding a grudge required for keeping up the ice? Or do you just freeze them for a day?

Not forgiving someone who snapped because they were frustrated or having a bad day (as opposed to a bully) is going to create a bad work environment. If you freeze out a person who was a bit sharp once, you risk being ostracised by their friends. You become the bad one. Now, it sounds like you don't care at all if others around you don't like you. And this is fine for you because you don't care about being liked at work.

However, the OP has a long history of getting distressed if she's not included or acknowledged by her work mates. Being part of the team is very important to her. Do you really think that your advice is relevant to someone who really wants to fit in and be included?
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:46 AM   #21
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I agree that you teach people how to treat you, but disagree with the suggested meathod.

A big part of my job is bringing together teams of attorneys representing different interest in a deal - and getting them all on the same page so that we can get it to the finish line.

And honestly the key is leaving emotions out of it. If someone has an outburst like the OPs co-worker I may let the first one slide.

Second time? I am probably going to say something along the lines of "I understand you are fustrated,
all I asked for was a simple clarification. I didn't mean to upset you". Something like this keeps things very professional, and in my world doesn't endanger some over inflated ego. But it also points out to them how unreasonable they are being.

If that didn't make them take things down a notch I would tell them, again, this wasn't my doing and I find the tone unreasonable.

Basically I don't get emotional and point out that they are being dramatic.

Out side of work I am much more direct "you don't talk to me like that" is what I would have probably snapped in a casual situation.

And last line - in the professional world, it's always a good idea to make many allies and few enemies. When economies stumble, believe me, that is the position you are going to want to be in, not one who is known as a lone wolf.
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Last edited by RecentChange; 9th February 2018 at 10:50 AM..
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:41 PM   #22
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Good god! One of my coworkers just came over to hand me something and he was exasperated by the thing already because he couldn’t understand why our manager wanted it done this way. It was a correction that needed to be made and filed away with one book even though it occurs in another book that comes first. This was the first I was hearing of it and I was trying to process what he was saying and asked him “So we’ll do the correction for the one book that comes later but it doesn’t need to be done for the book that’s coming first?” He puts up his hands and says very sternly “Look, do you want to ask Karen (our manager) on what needs to be done? Because this is something that gets done on your end and I have no idea what exactly you need to do!” I was simply asking him a question to get some clarity because it was confusing and he jumps down my throat and makes me feel horrible for asking a question! He could have nicely said “You may want to bring it up with our manager because I’m not sure”.
I really don't see what's wrong in what he said.

He didn't jump down your throat at all. He was being honest. He doesn't know what needs to be done and doesn't want to give you incorrect instructions. Sorry, but I see no difference between what he said and what you think he should have said. He wasn't rude or impolite. You're just playing with words here.

Honestly, if you want to work in the corporate world, you need to grow a thicker skin. If you stop at insignifcant comments like this one, you won't go anywhere. Put your big girl panties on.
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Old 10th February 2018, 1:50 AM   #23
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So when my manager came over later I asked her if this is what I was supposed to do (and how he was really irritated with me asking him questions so I said I'd figure it out on my own)
You seriously tattled on your coworker over this non-issue? You probably came off worse to your boss than he did in this situation.

Let it go. I'm sure there are more important things in your life you can focus on.
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Old 10th February 2018, 11:09 PM   #24
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Wow the condescension is just too much in this thread. I dont think that the person tattled they(the coworker) were being rude. The person snapped and snapping isnt very professional. Telling someone to grow thicker skin is being dismissive. Just because something wouldnt bother you doesnt mean that it wouldnt bother others. Everyone has a right to feel how they feel.

I simply said freeze the person out because quite honestly the one who needs to grow a thicker skin and put on the big girl panties is the snapping coworker. Snapping shows a lack of an ability to control their emotions. He could have said "i dont know maybe contact our manager" no need to snap. People say the OP could have handled it better nope the coworker could have.

I gave the person my advice people dont have to agree but in my experience keeping your head down,being professional,and just wok has done me quite well. Of course i work in the non profit field so I dont have to really worry about office politics as much...well I do but not in the same way. Theres no trying to move up the ladder so to speak so maybe thats why I gave my response the way I did. I remember working in corporate murica and ack I was so happy to get out. This kinda stuff is a big reason why.

Last edited by siren8272; 10th February 2018 at 11:13 PM..
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