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Work and marriage decision

Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 2nd September 2017, 8:33 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
Well, keep us posted as you work through you new life and how you navigate keeping up with any professional and social relationships from your old life.
Yes, please keep up posted...I am working very hard to determine the course of my retirement, myself. I am the type that I need a goal but don't want the daily grind and stress. So, I would be very interested in how you find "semi-retired"....I had not thought of that angle and it sounds perfect!!
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Old 4th September 2017, 9:01 AM   #17
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So, a few random updates. First, I realized I titled this work and marriage. That's not really true. It's more work and lifestyle/family. If I am honest, it's more just a "me" decision. I wanted to slow down and live a more fulfilling, less demanding life. Maybe I was feeling too guilty before to just admit it?

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I did experience a few days of guilt but that has largely dissipated. I get a pang now and then, but then I focus on why Iade this choice and it goes away. Even though I have a long leave notice, I am already noticing a difference in myself. I finished a project I started a year ago. Before, I was so conscious of so many demands on my time that I was constantly balancing what needed to be done first. I don't have any new "free" time yet but I don't feel that same anxiety about exhausting myself on the weekend when it's going to be a hard week ahead. I have also had a great conversation with my niece. I actually sat down and had a 40-minute conversation with her about her college major. I didn't feel pressured for time and it felt so good. I spent the day with my mom - essentially "blowing off" a whole day when I ordinarily would have been fixated on getting the house cleaned so the work week would be less hectic. And I am already planning a big backyard cookout in October around another local event. That would have been something I wanted to do but couldn't commit to at any other time.

Living water and kgcolonel, hope you find this update helpful. I am actually thinking of using this thread as my "journal" for the next six months to a year. I want to memorialize this journey and see if in retrospect, it was truly the right choice. So far, it has been pretty amazing even with the guilt.

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Old 4th September 2017, 9:10 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by georgia girl View Post

Living water and kgcolonel, hope you find this update helpful. I am actually thinking of using this thread as my "journal" for the next six months to a year. I want to memorialize this journey and see if in retrospect, it was truly the right choice. So far, it has been pretty amazing even with the guilt.

Great idea, GG!

Also, was wonderful reading about your talk with your niece and the day you spent with your mom! Those things can't be purchased and are truly important, not only to you but also to your niece and your mom!
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Old 5th September 2017, 7:06 PM   #19
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So, another update. It's not like it's all sunshine, roses and a yellow brick road right now. There is a lot of anxiety with my staff and today was definitely a "counselor-in-chief" day. I see why some executive blogs were recommending a shorter notice. I can't imagine doing months of this kind of intensity. Yet, I do expect it will calm down. Just time and allowing everyone to deal with the uncertainty in their own way.

On the home front, my husband and family have been amazing. Just tons of support. I came home exhausted tonight and my husband was like, "Chill. I got this," and proceeded to take care of stuff at home that I would ordinarily care for.

I had another reinforcing event today. I went to the funeral home for a man a few years younger than me. It just reinforced that life is worth more than living for work obligations.

It's going to take a little time for everything to sort itself out. That's today's lesson. I had thought, "Get through the announcement, then your new life begins." No, I need to finish this thing out first. It's like being at mile 20. Yep, you almost did the marathon. But that final 10K determines your finish. Keep running. End this thing gracefully.

I am still so happy I made this decision. I am already making plans for my time off.
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Old 8th September 2017, 9:09 AM   #20
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So, another update (and I find this incredibly helpful for me). I've noticed two emerging themes as I work through this transition - one is the "new me" theme and the other is what I'm calling the "here and now" theme.

In the "here and now," I've realized that this separation will happen in stages and none of them will be either emotionally or physically quick. I think when you first consider this kind of move, you can't really see beyond getting the offer, signing the contract and announcing your departure. Those seem to be the goalposts. Then, those things happen and you realize there's a whole new set of goalposts. There are the human relationships of staff and colleagues as well as professional outside relationships that you're taking into your new world. Those folks all have thoughts/emotions and they're looking for feedback from you. So, you manage that piece and essentially begin clearing those goalposts. Then. you look up to see what's next. I have a feeling that for the next few months, there's always going to be a "what's next" set of goal posts. In a way, they are teaching me greater patience. I just want to clear all of the goal posts now and get on with the next chapter. But, recognizing that the goal posts will come both concurrently and consecutively and that I don't have a lot of control over their appearance is teaching me to take my time, not make mistakes that I'll have to fix later and to take a deep breath. Three months is a long time, but I've got this.

The really cool part of this, however, is the "new me." I am so excited! While I have had pangs of guilt and some remorse that my decision is hard for others, I have not regretted it one bit. It seems so far off in the future right now, but gosh, I just can't wait. I'm excited for the slower pace of life mostly, but also for the new professional challenges and the opportunity to work with new leaders all over the state and country. This really feels like the coolest thing I've ever done professionally and I am so glad that this decision changes the focus of my life.

I had a chat with my sister this past week who did the same thing I'm doing four years ago (and has encouraged me for years to do this). We started talking about how before, we always felt it was important to be there for the bad times for our family and friends but we weren't so concerned about being there for the good times. Things were good and they had each other. Plus, we had work and obligations waiting on us. What she realized a few years ago and I realize now is that people did need us during the good times and guess what, we also NEEDED to be there ourselves. This idea that I have made such a healthy choice for me and my family is so incredibly rewarding. I told my sister that I've come to realize that while staff may need me and I'm friends with my staff and colleagues, that I really love myself, my husband and my family and that it was high time I put the people who love me (including myself) first in my life.

There is a long way to go between today and when my new life begins. But, I'm going to try and enjoy the journey, taking care of those who need me along the way and preparing for my new future.

Peace out... GG
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Old 17th September 2017, 6:50 AM   #21
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Nearly a third of my notice period done and I think that finally things are settling back to the new normal. For kgcolonel, that is something to expect. The "shock and awe" of your departure will create a few tense weeks. Even though I had come to terms with it, it was new to everyone else. I am glad that this part is over and I believe I handled it well.

I have my class reunion coming up in a few weeks so I also shared my update on my social media page. That way, it isn't a big deal at the reunion. I just want to catch up with folks, not talk about my work situation. (Some friends knew, others didn't... it was bound to come up.)

So, a couple of new things I've noticed. One: the more time goes on, the more I realize that I am so happy with my decision. In fact, I actually regret not doing this sooner. I think you get paralyzed by the thought of change sometimes and even if the opportunity gives you so much of what you want, for some reason, inertia takes over. Kgcolonel, thinking of you as I write this. Don't let inertia take over. I wasted time.

Second is that it is hard to go into work. Ethically, I will give them everything I have until the last minute of the last day, but I have to fight the urge that mentally, I have moved on. Conversely, the Sunday "blues" are not as bad anymore. Likely because I realize there is an end in sight.

Finally, I can't wait for my month off in-between jobs. I haven't been off that long since Christmas break of my senior year in college. I have had three two-week vacations since then: one when I got married and two during the last two successive summers. I can't wrap my head around a full month off yet, but I am so ready for it.

Now that the tough part at work is over, I am so happy and satisfied with my choice. I just can't say that enough!
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Old 7th October 2017, 3:06 PM   #22
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We are afraid of changes, but changes are good for us. How can we be happier when we don't change anything?

I just start my career and I focus on my job, but I hope in future I will do like you "stop and focus on family".
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Old 7th October 2017, 3:21 PM   #23
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Normally I would sell the company or do a deal where I get a percentage of the profits for the next 10 years to insure that I will try to keep the accounts. I do not know why it would be all or nothing for your company. Sometimes when a larger company buys out a smaller one, the benefit package is better but they will probably trim the staff.

I no longer own a company but I do get 25% of the profits of the one I work for now in addition to a salary. I also work 3 days a week. It took me 3 years to get to the situation I am in now but it is doable. The woman I work for now has lent her own money to keep the company afloat at times but now we are doing very well due to some large contracts she got. We did have to layoff some good people during the last recession but you cannot live your life supporting others. They are free to find other jobs too. I gave up a quarter of a million dollars which would have been my percentage of the profits, to keep from laying off 6 people. Turned out that we had to lay them off anyway a year later as things did not improve. Never got a thank you, only hate for letting them go. Last time I do that. Those people never once went on a job interview either even though they knew that their jobs were safe only for a year.

I used to be the guy who turned branch offices around. The thing that always puzzled me is that when I went to a branch, they knew that I would be replacing all or most of them and yet no one made an effort to find another job. They rather go with bad odds than face a job interview or possibly a new job. The funny part is that I only replaced the bad and unproductive workers who all thought they were the best employees in the company. When I pointed out that they were doing half of what others did, they had excuses like they get all the difficult accounts or no one gives them any more work.

I have been on both sides of the coin as an employee without a job and as a boss. What I learned is to look out for yourself or you can easily be dragged down with the others. My family comes first and no one is guranteed a job for life.
Most people rather drown in a pool of their own morality than seek the safety of a different morality.
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Old 14th October 2017, 7:30 AM   #24
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Halfway into my notice and I am back to update. First, I should point out that I run/ran a non-profit so itís not a ďsellĒ situation.

It is painful leaving relationships you have built over a decade. There are moments of pure sadness and regret. This was ďmy staffĒ and I selected each of my senior people. I have both the urge to protect them (they took a chance on me afterall) and an urge to stay there with them. But a good friend just told me that there really does come a time when itís over and most people stay too long.

On the flip side, I know I made the right decision. When I waiver about leaving, I think of what staying looks like and it fills me with dread. Itís not the people or the mission... itís me. Plus, I am so excited for the freedom and flexibility of working part-time from home will give me.

I have learned that there is a mourning/adjustment process and I guess I wouldnít want it any other way. I enjoyed being the boss who genuinely cared and I donít regret that even if it means that saying goodbye is hard. Itís also a slow goodbye, so I go through each stage while I am there which will hopefully make it easier when I am gone.
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Old 5th November 2017, 2:45 PM   #25
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The notice period is now nearly over. Just a few days left. I donít have a lot to say except that I made the right decision. Inertia is hard to overcome, particularly if you allow yourself to focus on the hard parts of change. It was a struggle for me in that I felt so guilty doing this for me when it would be hard for others. I am also sure that I will experience loss as well... when you donít work daily with people, relationships naturally drift apart.

I havenít allowed myself to think too much of the future because getting through the notice period was tortuous. But now, I am shifting my focus to the future.
I canít believe I made it through! So excited for the future.
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Old 8th November 2017, 10:40 AM   #26 Moderator Moderator
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Thread starter, this thread appears to be a spam magnet for some reason so I closed it. If you have anything further to add or request, simply hit the alert us button on this post and contact moderation. Thanks!
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