I've Fallen For My Subordinate

[cac3232]

Over the past 5 months I've become really close to an employee of mine. She has a boyfriend of four years who lives out of state. I'm 37 and she's 24. We quickly bonded over work then things expanded to texting at night, going to concerts, games, etc. right before Christmas she texted me saying that whoever the girl I'm waiting for is going to be lucky because I'm such a great guy. At work we are inseparable and go to lunch together almost every day. On more than one occasion when apart for several days she has texted saying she misses me. She has visited my apt several times for dinner and just to hang out. Most of those times end with us cuddling on the couch. Just recently I bought a puppy which she absolutely adores. She has a key to my apt and will take care of it when I'm away. I put up some new pics of my family and she commented - the dog will get the girl and the family pics will reel her in even more.

 

A few weeks ago she backed out on our plans to go out of town for the night to a concert. Said we were too close and that I'm supposed to be her boss and that's it. The lines are too blurry. She mentioned our mutual guy friends calling her my pseudo girlfriend and how they should absolutely drop the pseudo part. Also how everyone at works probably thinks we are sleeping together. The very next day she admitted to doing a complete 180 by coming over to hangout. Several nights later she hung out for hours while cuddling on the couch and watching tv. That weekend she went out of town for a wedding with the bf. Since then things seem to have changed a little. There have been several days as of late where she was in a really bad mood and plain and simple. She has stopped texting at night and hasnt come over at night in a few weeks. However things at work are great and she still goes home with me at lunch. Last week we were out of town on a business trip. Although we worked in different teams, she was always texting me to meet up. We were pretty much inseperable.

 

Am I stupid for thinking she is confused with her feelings and that I have a chance to date her?

Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language~T

[TaraMaiden2]

Never, ever, EVER, EVER, EV-ER date in the workplace.

 

Never ever date a subordinate in the workplace (look at the awkward position you put her in!)

 

Never ever date subordinate who is already with someone else. (That's called 'cheating'. How would you like to be the BF right now? Would you feel great that your GF's boss was hitting on her?!)

 

This is disastrous on so many levels.

Pull back, man up, grow up, leave alone.

 

Dating?

In the workplace?

 

forget it.

[elaine567]

Am I stupid for thinking she is confused with her feelings and that I have a chance to date her?

 

Her ego is being stoked big time, but she doesn't like you enough to ditch the bf. She feels guilty hence the occasional distance and acting horrible, now she has shut things down, with no night visits and keeping it more business like, but still friendly.

I guess she has made her decision, the bf won, but she still enjoys the fact you are so gaga over her, so she doesn't want to lose that particular high.

She is 24, a different generation, even if she dumped the bf tomorrow, I doubt with the pick of 20 something guys she would then have, she will be trampling down your door. Sorry!

People who really want you, move heaven and earth to be with you, she has shown no signs of that.

As TaraMaiden2 has said, you are in a really bad position here concerning your work, proceed at your peril.

[1111volcano]

Over the past 5 months I've become really close to an employee of mine. She has a boyfriend of four years who lives out of state. I'm 37 and she's 24. We quickly bonded over work then things expanded to texting at night, going to concerts, games, etc. right before Christmas she texted me saying that whoever the girl I'm waiting for is going to be lucky because I'm such a great guy. At work we are inseparable and go to lunch together almost every day. On more than one occasion when apart for several days she has texted saying she misses me. She has visited my apt several times for dinner and just to hang out. Most of those times end with us cuddling on the couch. Just recently I bought a puppy which she absolutely adores. She has a key to my apt and will take care of it when I'm away. I put up some new pics of my family and she commented - the dog will get the girl and the family pics will reel her in even more.

 

A few weeks ago she backed out on our plans to go out of town for the night to a concert. Said we were too close and that I'm supposed to be her boss and that's it. The lines are too blurry. She mentioned our mutual guy friends calling her my pseudo girlfriend and how they should absolutely drop the pseudo part. Also how everyone at works probably thinks we are sleeping together. The very next day she admitted to doing a complete 180 by coming over to hangout. Several nights later she hung out for hours while cuddling on the couch and watching tv. That weekend she went out of town for a wedding with the bf. Since then things seem to have changed a little. There have been several days as of late where she was in a really bad mood and plain and simple. She has stopped texting at night and hasnt come over at night in a few weeks. However things at work are great and she still goes home with me at lunch. Last week we were out of town on a business trip. Although we worked in different teams, she was always texting me to meet up. We were pretty much inseperable.

 

Am I stupid for thinking she is confused with her feelings and that I have a chance to date her?

 

Not if you calling her names like that

Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[brothers343]

You should tell her that if she wants to hang out at your apt. And cuddle than she needs to say goodbye to her boyfriend. But since I know that you will not do that, becouse your already fallen for her. And what a great life she has......when the BF is not there; you take his place. And while he is getting the bag fool of goodies, your just getting the bag. Think very clearly becouse this is the kind of situation that creates problems that you will not be able to fix just by clapping your hands. In fact your downward spiral has already begun.....your just not seeing it. Think before you continue to act. Good luck.

[Got it]

What does your company's handbook say on dating? I am assuming, that supervisor and subordinate dating is not allowed as a minimum. In that regard you are putting your career/job in jeopardy because once it is found out you are/should be the person disciplined/terminated. Your company may allow dating if the two are separated and she no longer reports to you. Really need to follow your company's procedures.

 

In regards to a general not dating in the workplace, it can have it's pitfalls but does happen quite often and can be successful. But both people really need to think through what it will be like seeing/interacting with the person if you two break up.

 

Put the emotions aside and think this through analytically.

[len51]

I have dated women who worked directly under me a few times. All I can say is that it never ends well. At least in my day and age, there were no sexual discrimination laws and dating workers was a common thing. I would never do that these days.

 

My female boss started dating our CEO and when they broke up, they could not see each other every day so the CEO started to work from home and has now quit. It is lots of fun at the beginning but when it is over you are stuck with each other and hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.

 

True story: At one job, my secretary would work late every time I did. She would find excuses to sit right next to me to learn things and when she spoke to me she would put her hand on my arm or upper leg. She started to wear blouses with no bras so that if she bend over a little, I could see her breasts. She used to ask me to have a drink with her after work to unwind. The last time I did that I ended up spending the weekend for the girl in Atlantic City and we never left the hotel room. She gave me an STD and after that I took a transfer far away from her because I could not fire her or work with her anymore.

 

So back to the flirting secretary as I was speaking of. My marriage is monogamish. We allow for a few flings as long as they are the exception and not the rule. In this case I was not feeling compelled to have sex with this woman like the last one. We were just drawn to each other. We both were married but the sexual tension between us was strong. This time, not at all. She would have just been a sure thing and that is were the monogamish part comes in. No sex just because you can.

 

I got uncomfortable with the situation. I could not get her fired because I was working for a government agency which was the dumping ground for the mistresses and relatives of Politicians. My secretary is the niece of a former star athletic that lead his team to the State's only championship win. So I left. I was the only non political appointee there because of my skill set.

 

A year later I found out that she was suing my replacement for sexual harassment for an amount that meant she would never have to work again. That could have been me. Try to get a job with a conviction for sexual harassment. There is an old expression about not pooping where you work. Take heed because this singe event can have drastic results on the rest of your life as you beat yourself up about giving in.

[Got it]

I have dated women who worked directly under me a few times. All I can say is that it never ends well. At least in my day and age, there were no sexual discrimination laws and dating workers was a common thing. I would never do that these days.

 

My female boss started dating our CEO and when they broke up, they could not see each other every day so the CEO started to work from home and has now quit. It is lots of fun at the beginning but when it is over you are stuck with each other and hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.

 

True story: At one job, my secretary would work late every time I did. She would find excuses to sit right next to me to learn things and when she spoke to me she would put her hand on my arm or upper leg. She started to wear blouses with no bras so that if she bend over a little, I could see her breasts. She used to ask me to have a drink with her after work to unwind. The last time I did that I ended up spending the weekend for the girl in Atlantic City and we never left the hotel room. She gave me an STD and after that I took a transfer far away from her because I could not fire her or work with her anymore.

 

So back to the flirting secretary as I was speaking of. My marriage is monogamish. We allow for a few flings as long as they are the exception and not the rule. In this case I was not feeling compelled to have sex with this woman like the last one. We were just drawn to each other. We both were married but the sexual tension between us was strong. This time, not at all. She would have just been a sure thing and that is were the monogamish part comes in. No sex just because you can.

 

I got uncomfortable with the situation. I could not get her fired because I was working for a government agency which was the dumping ground for the mistresses and relatives of Politicians. My secretary is the niece of a former star athletic that lead his team to the State's only championship win. So I left. I was the only non political appointee there because of my skill set.

 

A year later I found out that she was suing my replacement for sexual harassment for an amount that meant she would never have to work again. That could have been me. Try to get a job with a conviction for sexual harassment. There is an old expression about not pooping where you work. Take heed because this singe event can have drastic results on the rest of your life as you beat yourself up about giving in.

 

Sexual harassment via work has no "conviction" tied to it. Unless you are legally charged with sexual misconduct, sexual battery, etc. it is just a reason for termination. And most employers would not give the reason why they terminated because, even with just cause, it isn't worth the legal issue of defending one's self if the ex employee sues. No compelling reason to give another company the reason you parted ways with someone. Usually just give their end date.

[stillafool]

Over the past 5 months I've become really close to an employee of mine. She has a boyfriend of four years who lives out of state. I'm 37 and she's 24. We quickly bonded over work then things expanded to texting at night, going to concerts, games, etc. right before Christmas she texted me saying that whoever the girl I'm waiting for is going to be lucky because I'm such a great guy. At work we are inseparable and go to lunch together almost every day. On more than one occasion when apart for several days she has texted saying she misses me. She has visited my apt several times for dinner and just to hang out. Most of those times end with us cuddling on the couch. Just recently I bought a puppy which she absolutely adores. She has a key to my apt and will take care of it when I'm away. I put up some new pics of my family and she commented - the dog will get the girl and the family pics will reel her in even more.

 

A few weeks ago she backed out on our plans to go out of town for the night to a concert. Said we were too close and that I'm supposed to be her boss and that's it. The lines are too blurry. She mentioned our mutual guy friends calling her my pseudo girlfriend and how they should absolutely drop the pseudo part. Also how everyone at works probably thinks we are sleeping together. The very next day she admitted to doing a complete 180 by coming over to hangout. Several nights later she hung out for hours while cuddling on the couch and watching tv. That weekend she went out of town for a wedding with the bf. Since then things seem to have changed a little. There have been several days as of late where she was in a really bad mood and plain and simple. She has stopped texting at night and hasnt come over at night in a few weeks. However things at work are great and she still goes home with me at lunch. Last week we were out of town on a business trip. Although we worked in different teams, she was always texting me to meet up. We were pretty much inseperable.

 

Am I stupid for thinking she is confused with her feelings and that I have a chance to date her?

 

So are you looking for another job yet? You may lose this one.

Edited April 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator