Got fired -- will I hear from him?

[shoplocal]

I was working in a co-working space and got fired on Monday. The Friday before, I'd befriended (I thought) the guy in the office next to mine. He works for a completely different company. So, on my way out on, I told him I was leaving, gave him my contact info, and told him to keep in touch. I didn't have time for much more than that, because I was afraid I was going to burst into tears, from having just been fired.

 

During the exchange, he had this look on his face -- surprise, confusion -- definitely not gladness to see me, despite that we'd had a very pleasant conversation just a half hour before. Our offices were separated by very non-sound proof glass, so perhaps he heard my recruiter letting me go?

 

I'd really like to stay in touch with him because he's moving to my neighborhood in a week or so, and I'm very much so on a friend making kick, now that I 've gotten the hang of it. I haven't heard from him at all, and it's now Thursday. What are the chances I'll hear from him? And if your crystal ball is cloudy, what are some tips for how I could have done that better? Hopefully I don't get fired again in the future, but I might be in other awkward situations where there are people I want to stay in touch with.

[SoleMate]

What are the chances I'll hear from him?

< 1/1000

 

...what are some tips for how I could have done that better?

Build a longer term, deeper friendship that happens outside of work. (Even then there is inevitable falloff when one person leaves the employment.)

[d0nnivain]

The timing was simply off. If you don't have a way to contact him, it's unlikely that he will contact you. Perhaps when he moves you might bump into seeing him around the neighborhood.

 

I'm happy for you that you are in a friend making mood but don't you think you should be job hunting as your # 1 priority.

[jen1447]

Monday - Thursday seems like little chance he'll call, given the circumstances. My guess is he's just being an office politician and avoiding the 'damaged goods' like a good corporate soldier, so ....advice is pick better ppl next time. (Office drones usually aren't so great.)

[lovelife32]

There are still some chances to see him around when he'll move to your neighborhood.

[preraph]

He was probably confused that you got fired. All you can do is wait and see if he reaches out. Good luck.

[carotini]

It doesn’t even sound like you two were friends. You had a brief pleasant exchange, which it sounds like you initiated. As you were leaving you told him to keep in touch, and the look of surprise/confusion on his face was probably because he was thinking “Huh? Why should I keep in touch?” Just because he’s moving to your neighborhood doesn’t mean you two will be closer. Frankly, it appears this acquaintance is a bit too important to you.I don’t think you’ll hear from him. I’d suggest you focus on getting another job. Good luck.

Edited February 20, 2016 by carotini

[whichwayisup]

I was working in a co-working space and got fired on Monday. The Friday before, I'd befriended (I thought) the guy in the office next to mine. He works for a completely different company. So, on my way out on, I told him I was leaving, gave him my contact info, and told him to keep in touch. I didn't have time for much more than that, because I was afraid I was going to burst into tears, from having just been fired.

 

During the exchange, he had this look on his face -- surprise, confusion -- definitely not gladness to see me, despite that we'd had a very pleasant conversation just a half hour before. Our offices were separated by very non-sound proof glass, so perhaps he heard my recruiter letting me go?

 

I'd really like to stay in touch with him because he's moving to my neighborhood in a week or so, and I'm very much so on a friend making kick, now that I 've gotten the hang of it. I haven't heard from him at all, and it's now Thursday. What are the chances I'll hear from him? And if your crystal ball is cloudy, what are some tips for how I could have done that better? Hopefully I don't get fired again in the future, but I might be in other awkward situations where there are people I want to stay in touch with.

 

Is he married or have a girlfriend?

 

You gave him your contact info and if he wants to get in touch with you and continue a friendship, he will. If he doesn't, then do your best to let it go and move on.

[basil67]

I agree with Carotini. It sounds like you barely knew the guy and he's probably wondering why you want to stay in contact. One office conversation does not make a friendship.

[angel.eyes]

I'm sorry to hear you were fired. That's never a nice thing. Kudos on being able to keep it together and not cry as you said your goodbyes.

 

You said you had pleasant conversations with this guy. A few questions about him:

• Did you actually "click" and connect in a meaningful way? Or was it just pleasantries and pleasant but relatively impersonal conversation?
  
• Do you have things in common? Other than he may be moving to your neighborhood?
  
• Most importantly, had you started socializing with him outside work? Was he reciprocating and involving you in his life outside work?
  

Most of my closest friends now come from my workplace. We met, clicked, and quickly started socializing outside work. We go to the movies, vacation together, and invite each other to our dinner parties and significant events. I know their families. In fact, we've been so close, I was a bridesmaid at a couple of colleagues' weddings. (No one else from work was invited.) We go to each other for advice in our personal lives and confide in each other. We strategize about how to deal and support each other with some difficult players at work. These friendships endure for years after one or both of us moves to other jobs, but that's because the friendship became centered outside work very early on. We quickly became part of the fabric of each other's social circles. Work just happened to be how we initially met.

 

If you and this guy were just pleasantly chit chatting a couple of times at work, don't expect him to reach out and contact you after you leave. You don't really have a relationship, so there would be no reason to continue after you left.

 

Good luck with your job search!

Edited February 20, 2016 by angel.eyes

[shoplocal]

It doesn’t even sound like you two were friends. You had a brief pleasant exchange, which it sounds like you initiated. As you were leaving you told him to keep in touch, and the look of surprise/confusion on his face was probably because he was thinking “Huh? Why should I keep in touch?” Just because he’s moving to your neighborhood doesn’t mean you two will be closer. Frankly, it appears this acquaintance is a bit too important to you.I don’t think you’ll hear from him. I’d suggest you focus on getting another job. Good luck.

 

This is so insightful!!! I did wonder in the days afterward, why it mattered so much that we keep in touch. I am actually the sort of person who will meet someone once and say 'let's be friends!', but I think I was trying to do two things -- keep my composure and say goodbye -- and failed at the latter because I wasn't 100% with the former.

 

Is he married or have a girlfriend?

 

You gave him your contact info and if he wants to get in touch with you and continue a friendship, he will. If he doesn't, then do your best to let it go and move on.

 

Yep, he has a girlfriend, but I don't think (I certainly hope) he wasn't thinking I want to date him. That was definitely not on my mind!

 

I'm sorry to hear you were fired. That's never a nice thing. Kudos on being able to keep it together and not cry as you said your goodbyes.

 

You said you had pleasant conversations with this guy. A few questions about him:

• Did you actually "click" and connect in a meaningful way? Or was it just pleasantries and pleasant but relatively impersonal conversation?
  
• Do you have things in common? Other than he may be moving to your neighborhood?
  
• Most importantly, had you started socializing with him outside work? Was he reciprocating and involving you in his life outside work?
  

Most of my closest friends now come from my workplace. We met, clicked, and quickly started socializing outside work. We go to the movies, vacation together, and invite each other to our dinner parties and significant events. I know their families. In fact, we've been so close, I was a bridesmaid at a couple of colleagues' weddings. (No one else from work was invited.) We go to each other for advice in our personal lives and confide in each other. We strategize about how to deal and support each other with some difficult players at work. These friendships endure for years after one or both of us moves to other jobs, but that's because the friendship became centered outside work very early on. We quickly became part of the fabric of each other's social circles. Work just happened to be how we initially met.

 

If you and this guy were just pleasantly chit chatting a couple of times at work, don't expect him to reach out and contact you after you leave. You don't really have a relationship, so there would be no reason to continue after you left.

 

Good luck with your job search!

 

Thanks for this! It's hard to tell; I think we clicked beyond simple pleasantries, as he told me about his work, and his girlfriend, and we talked about other things; he and I and my co-worker from that job actually hung out Friday after he and I had talked for a decent clip. But, as has been mentioned, we basically just met.

 

For me, that's enough, but not for everyone, and this has long been an issue for me; I'm ready to be friends at the drop of a hat because it's not that serious to me (I have really deep friendships already), but for other people friendship is more serious. So I'm used to giving out welcomes and getting silence in return. I think I was so upset this time because I was so upset about getting fired, and couldn't handle anything/straight.

 

Thanks so much for the feedback, people, it has been much appreciated! I'm happy to say that I'm myself once again -- equal parts rational and naively open, hah -- and I'm taking some time to get specific skills training before I apply to jobs in any serious way. My takeaway from losing this job is to never again get hired for my potential, as it's an insecure foundation for a career.

[carotini]

I am actually the sort of person who will meet someone once and say 'let's be friends!',

This can be a problem. For most people it takes time to cultivate a real friendship. Maybe you come on a bit too strong right away and people are taken aback and even turned off by it. Friendships happen more naturally and the desire should be mutual. Anyway, glad you’re feeling better about things.

[angel.eyes]

(I certainly hope) he wasn't thinking I want to date him. That was definitely not on my mind!

Girlfriends/boyfriends don't usually come up in an initial conversation unless the person feels a need to make it clear they are unavailable in that way.

 

 

 

I think we clicked beyond simple pleasantries, as he told me about his work, and his girlfriend, and we talked about other things; he and I and my co-worker from that job actually hung out Friday after he and I had talked for a decent clip. But, as has been mentioned, we basically just met.

It's not so much about length of conversation, as it is quality. The topics you mentioned discussing with him are standard workplace pleasantries. These are surface superficial topics that can be discussed with anyone. When you're friends, it goes beyond just surface conversations to much more personal topics. Add in that you just met and don't seem to have interacted outside the workplace. From his perspective, I'm guessing you were just a pleasant woman at work, not a friend. Unfortunately, I doubt that he will contact you after you've left.

 

Good luck with your skills training!