TurtlePower Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 My boss and I have built an outstanding friendship over the course of the 6 years i've been working at my current job. We get along swimmingly and are able to talk to each other about anything and everything. A lot of people think our friendship is a bit wacky due to the fact she is a woman, me a man, no way in this modern world can those two have a platonic friendship without something going on on the side! (Although, sometimes it seems she's hinting that her interest level in me is more than friends, but thats a whole nother post..) Anyway, I will cut to the chase, this past year has been a rough for me on the personal side of things. Earlier in the year, my father was hospitalized for what he originally thought was a herniated disc, but during his exam, it was a discovered he had a mass on his brain (Thankfully non cancerous), and a swollen appendix. He was hospitalized for about 3 weeks. My boss said to take as much time as I needed to be with my family and arranged flowers and cards to be sent to my house. Now, recently, we've had a bit more disturbing news. My father passed away suddenly on Thanksgiving night of a heart attack. My boss was the first person I called when I was at the hospital, in fact, the doctors were waiting for me to get off the phone with her so they could inform me of his passing... His death obviously came as a shock to all of us, her included. She again let me take as much time as I needed. The amazing part is that she would call and or text me everyday i was out checking on me and seeing how i was doing leading up to the funeral services. She arranged flowers and gift baskets sent to my house. On the actual day of the services, we had a nice heart to heart and said she was prepared to be with me the entire day. She stayed throughout the viewing and services, went to the cemetery and luncheon afterward. She was the only coworker in attendance that did this and seeing as she lives in another state, made it all that more special to me. Since I've been back our friendship has grown even more and more. Almost to the point where we actually consider ourselves best friends. The whole work dynamic is still in play. I still respect her when she needs to be a boss, so any naysayers out there can stuff it. She's been going through some rough patches as of late and we genuine care for each other. We gave her our team Christmas gift yesterday, and the whole time she was opening it, her eyes were fixated on me. ALthough the gift was from everybody, she acted like it was from just me. When we return on Monday, we play secret Santa due to a lot of people being out yesterday. Anyway, I of course, got her... I didn't get anything elaborate just a silly selfie stick b/c she loves taking selfies. Although, I was tempted to go overboard (But I do that for everyone I care about) But, with the selfie stick, i was going to give a card and a write a nice note to her. This is where I am unsure, I'd like to thank her for being there this year and elaborate on all things she's been supportive over the years. As you can see, I tend to ramble, but I like to highlight specific points. I don't want to come off as being extra mushy or come off like I am crushing on her, I just want to come off as that I genuinely view her as one of my good friends. I'm fearful that other people will see this and interpret differently. I shouldnt care what they think and this should be private anyway. Just curious on everyone's thoughts on my subject and similar subjects of boss/employee being friends. Sorry for the long post adn Merry Christmas everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 It's all good while it's all good. Once something goes bad, either work or personal, with a personal relationship at work, the lower on the ladder is very hard hit. Something goes wrong with work, like maybe her supervisor gets it in for you (what happened to me except I'm female and he was male) and she either can't or won't protect you, you will be more bitter than if it was just an employment situation gone bad. You will feel double the loss. Say she gets a boyfriend and cuts back attention on you about 90 percent, that might hurt. Or if she promotes someone instead of you. It just complicates things is all, and while it can make work more fun, it also has the potential for disaster. So eyes wide open is all I'm saying. Be prepared because remember that even a normal employment usually ends in one of two ways: you quit or you get fired. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beach Guy Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Dynamic factors at play here, especially supervisor-subordinate, male-female. Go with you gut instinct. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurtlePower Posted February 6, 2016 Author Share Posted February 6, 2016 Hi, I'm resurrecting this thread as I am curious about something. Lately, the boss has been sending me playful selfies of herself? (Guess its my fault since i bought her the selfie stick for xmas) Nothing provocative though. How should i respond do these pics? At times I would write back and kinda of ignore it and have another conversation. Is this considered flirting? She sent me another today, but I sent her one back with also a playful pose. I think its all innocent fun, it is, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Ragnar1984 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 (edited) The situation you find yourself is a potential minefield my friend. By what you have written about your boss there seems to be just more then a professional relationship going on. I mean that would be stating the obvious. From an outsiders perspective, it seems as though your boss is interested in more then just being friends at work. Now firstly, is she single? Are you single? You say she has been going through rough patches herself. So in what respect? I don't want to jump to conclusions but if she is married or has a family then I think you don't need anybody on here to tell you what is the right thing to do. Other then that all I can say you are walking a tight rope my friend, which may be exciting, but should you tumble, well lets just say it is long fall. Being friends with a boss is not always a bad thing. It sometimes reminds employees that their boss is a person too, who isn't perfect and can make mistakes also. It can make a manager more approachable and less off limits if there is a personal relationship present. However in your situation, it is more then that, which is why it is so potentially toxic. Sure it may be great being teacher's pet now, but ask yourself, can it really last? How do others in your workplace feel? That kind of favouritism can certainly build animosity and ill feeling in your colleagues, if they feel as though their efforts are going unnoticed or are just being completely ignored all together. Remember that these are the people that you work with. Even if there is a spark there, you could try to remain professional during work times. Do you really want people to lose respect for both you and your boss? As hard as you may work it would be easy for others to conclude that you are only getting praise or pats on the back, because of this infatuation. Is that what you want for yourself? You may be a thick skinned person but it wouldn't be easy to go to work everyday and experience a hostile atmosphere, where the knives are out for you. Remember, workplace environments change from time to time. Should your boss leave, could you carry on working there? Also if you do decide to go down the route of flirting/sex/relationship, how will that affect the professional relationship with your boss. You say you respect her as your manager, but please don't be naive. Should you start having sex, or dating, then you are going to see her in a different light. It is no longer a case of 'I' but 'we'. Although it may seem like a hot scenario (having sexual relations with a higher authority), what happens if she has to issue you with a disciplinary? Or she becomes bored? What happens if another hot guy arrives on the scene and you are no longer flavour of the month? Things could quite sour, quite quickly. You could already be a situation where she maybe expecting more then what is on offer? She seems highly keen, so how would she react if there is little more then sex on the table? A woman scorned and all that. Yes, things could go swimmingly and no hitches whatsoever but you can't take risks with your career my friend. There are limitless ways that this could end badly for you in the long term and that is what you have to think of, the long term. Once those knickers have come off, then you will not be able to return things back to how they are now, if it starts to effect your career/life in a negative way. If you are serious about making a move, maybe go on a few dates, see how it goes. But be clear, no foolery in work time hours. Don't give anyone an opportunity to turn against you or her. Keep the distance whilst in the office, thus keeping respect for the work your doing and not because you're sleeping with the boss. If needs be find somewhere else to work, another department in-fact. That way should the relationship fizzle out, then you're not going to be a target. Especially if things end badly. Remember, at any point she could come into work smiling from head to toe, confessing her love for a new man. If this happens, then how you will feel? How will it effect your working relationships? You have some difficult choices ahead. Good luck. Edited February 10, 2016 by Ragnar1984 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 As an employer/boss for almost 3 decades now, i'm gonna say no.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
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