Intense crush on my MBA professor

[Bellelove]

So this guy is under 39 he is tall handsome, funny and smart.

It was my first day of class when I saw him, as soon as he walked in i felt uncomfortable. I felt anxiety. He told us from the first 10 minutes that he was married and has a beautiful child who is a teenager. I mean I saw girls faces in our class. I was not the only one that got hot for him, at least that what I think. I'm completely crazy over him. I do know that it's inappropriate, first he is my teacher, second he is married. I have his class only once a week it's a 3 hour class. And I'm well knowledged within that Subject, it's my major im 25 years old and this is his first time in our college.

 

There are no buts. It's my 4th week now. I dress up for him and I look beautiful. He remembered my name probably like so many others students. He asked for my pen on the second class. I was sitting right in front of him. During class when he is talking he looks at me like on others, I would like to say that he is looking at me often and I start to get my anxiety. I'm pretty sure that I got red. Another thing is I always answer questions when he asked a class. I think he was impressed with me a little that I knew so many random things and history of some unrelated things. So now I feel so stupid. I try not to answer his questions even though I know them mostly.

 

Once I stayed after class because I wanted to talk to him regarding my disability basically I had to handle this paper from disability services. I waited for all students to ask their questions and leave. Then I gave him this paper, I was very embarrassed that I had this disability form. He asked what it is and I tanked it, I said "....oh well it's a ....." Yes pretty stupid. I was afraid to say it out loud as he started reading it he was cool he said of course just let me know whatever you decide on the tests. So I said thank you so much. It was 10 pm already so I went to the door and he went to another door I told him I'll turn off lights from this side and he left from other door. Honestly I thought he did that on purpose. So I was leaving the building and he said something to me so I waited it was generic questions, where in from because I have weird last name and I don't look like any other nationality. So we walked together to the garage. And I was so nervous talking to him. Suddenly from confinement, independent smart ass I became this stupid shy nervous little girl that looked down. I told him about my plans and goals and he said it's great. I mean i was just answering his questions the whole time. I planned to ask him so many questions before the class and apologize for interrupting him sometimes. I didn't do that. The entire time we were walking to the garage, I think he felt a lil bit nervous too because I didn't tell him that I parked in the garage and on the first floor. We just walked. It was weird, I think. My car was closer so I said good night, I did want to say to drive safe but I thought it would be to much.

 

It was last week, then I saw him during week he was recalibrate other class and I was preparing for presentation. I have to confess that I knew he is going to have it in that building but no idea what classroom. I asked around about him. I'm hopelessly in love with him. I can't do anything he isy mind 24/7. My favorite day of the week is his class!

 

I don't want relationship. I know it's bad I just want him. I don't want an affair I guess I want a one night stand.

 

I feel so ashamed for being that way. It's heartbreaking to know that I didn't even like that much my previous boyfriends. I thought I loved them, but my feeling for him are beyond that. I feel like he can turn my world upside down. Our age difference is not very huge maximum 10 years. I know he got married probably very young, and he seems like one of the good guys. But there is something in his expressions when he looks at me. I do know this type of guys. So I love dressing up for him, something very classy but revealing skin always hair down, and i always try to make an entrance, most of the time it's just because I'm late or because when I come in all the girls ask me if I go on a date because I look so pretty.

It's pretty pathetic how I try to get his attention, and when I do I completly tank it. I don't know what to do. I'm so cool with my all other professors, and him is like this tension. I'm in this organization and he apparently part of it helps students and supports them. I saw him before and I know he heard how other people are talking to me and especially guys.

 

I mean every guy is like that. But I don't know how to approach him what to say so I can let him know that I like him a lot, I want to do it in the most classy way. I just wish that we can go away together for 2 days and forget about outside world. I would not pursue him after that.

 

Deep down I want him to disappoint me. So my heart will be whole again. But in order to do that I need to get to know him up close. So guys what do you think? Please if you don't approve of what I write just ignore this post and carry on.

 

I can't sleep at night, I feel like a total looser for being so anxious around him. Ughhhh it's pure hell. I wish that he wasn't married. So painful.

[d0nnivain]

Realize it's not going to happen. He'd lose his job & probably his marriage.

 

If you confess your feelings for him if he has any integrity he will report it to the administration & have you changed out of his class. It's the only way he can protect himself. I think you should change sections no matter what

 

The fact that you can't sleep at night is very troubling & you need to see somebody about that.

[endlessabyss]

Get some control over yourself. Shesh.

[MissBee]

You sound like a friend of mine, who I'm genuinely concerned about, where her crushes are never lighthearted but always these anxiety-ridden, very intense, existential type of crises where she always falls for people who do not like her or she can never have and then makes herself sick and insomniac over it...it's very unhealthy.

 

Perhaps you have a generalized anxiety problem and it's manifested in this. She does. I have had professors I've had crushes on, right now there is one professor who will be on my exam committee whom I adore lol... But it's nothing that causes me anxiety or to lose sleep neither do I act weirdly around him. The crush is a fun thing to think about sometimes but that's it. When we meet I'm totally professional and confident and treat him like my professor...in private though I might gush to my friend about how I saw "John" today and how we had a date in his office hours lol. But I'm firmly entrenched in reality and would NEVER actually pursue it or lose sleep over it. If your crush on your professor whom you most likely won't have a chance with is causing you anxiety and sleeplessness you should see someone about it.

 

Hoping for an affair with him is not wise IMO. The reality of it may be far worse and if you already have so much anxiety and insecurity about a FANTASY you'd be an absolute wreck in reality if you had an affair, as you'd most likely fall in love and become even more anxious and obsessed with him and his behavior. I don't recommend affairs to anyone but I think a woman who can be casual about sex and emotions would fare a lot better with an affair than someone who has exhibited so much insecurity and anxiety and lack of control when it's not currently anything but a normal teacher-student relationship.

 

I suggest you consider whether or not you tend to have generalized anxiety and if so talk to someone about it and perhaps you can get tools to manage it as your feelings and the intensity are kind of odd for someone who is 25. In my mind at 16 I get this type of dramatic flare to a crush, but at 25 it seems a bit contrary. You should worry about finishing your degree I say and think of class as business and don't get sidetracked by FANTASIES of this man. It is common for people to fantasize about being with authority figures but a fantasy is a fantasy and the reality is: he is married and you're his his student and you should focus on what you're in class for, which is to master the material not him.

Edited September 29, 2014 by MissBee

[preraph]

If he'd had any plans to cheat on his wife with students, he would never have told you he was married with kids to begin with. Teachers do not usually talk about their personal lives and I have a feeling he has to in order to keep the crushes at bay. Remember he's being paid to be nice to students among other things, so of course he's not going to ever be mean to you. And now he knows you have whatever disability, he may well give you some extra care. But again, he's not interested in cheating with students or he'd have never told them he's married. There's no "classy" way to come on to a married man and especially one who could lose his job because of your actions.