I cannot let myself go in social situations

[makeithappen]

Hello all,

 

I cannot let myself go in social/work situations. I would love to be natural and spontaneous and act without any regard towards people's opinion of me. But I cannot. Why? I know that when I am natural, I act inappropriately and say inappropriate things. How do I know? I used to be like this and it led to embarrassing situations. I simply lack tact and diplomacy. I am too spontaneous and it makes me the subject of ridicule. People should not see this reality anymore. I feel bad for not being the person who acts with maturity. I make people laugh, but I think they laugh at my stupidity and stupid acts done without thinking. I am surrounded by people who know what is the right thing to say in the right circumstances. I am fed up with their 'oh my God, you did not say/do that?' or 'you're not meant to say that...' Why/how did I miss considering the consequences of my actions?

[preraph]

Now that you're aware of it, it's good to go practice changing that habit. Tell yourself to not talk until you have thought exactly what you are going to say. Honestly, most people have pretty bad social listening habits. It might be good to just concentrate on being a good listener and mostly keeping your trap shut. Instead of speaking and saying something smartass or whatever, just practice only responding with repeating back part of what the person has told you. To do that you have to not be thinking about what you want to say as soon as they are finished, but you have to be really listening to what they are saying.

 

If they say, "Wow, things at work have been hectic lately," just change the words a little and repeat it back to him. Something like, Oh, yes, it does seem hectic, doesn't it? If they say "How's your wife (mom whatever)," just say, "Fine, how's yours." Don't elaborate.

 

So just do the listening as the first step towards being better at answering. don't focus on what to say, just agree with what they say or if you can't agree, say nothing and smile sympathetically.

 

You can work your way up to being better at conversation, but the truth is what makes people want to talk to you is listening well and agreeing or commenting positively on what they're saying and letting them know you're paying attention while they're talking by saying back little things they just said.

 

Once you get to be a good listener, then practice thinking through your response or not doing anything other than smiling or nodding.

 

Even if one person at work thinks you're funny, there will be three who think you're too much. So you have to just moderate yourself. Not too many people can just let themselves go at work. It's TMI.