fasteddie911 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Hi, I've come upon a dilemma involving my professional life and family. So I just found out that my younger brother has contacted my former boss to see if they are hiring. As a bit of a background, I used to work for this boss when he was just starting out his own small firm, and since then it has grown in size and reputation. My boss, has been a sort of mentor figure for me, as this was my first job after I finished school, and was essentially the first steps towards my now successful professional career. He has assisted me greatly in carving my professional pathway, and although I left his firm years ago, we still keep in touch and I owe a lot of my success to him. The current situation is that my brother has been looking for a job somewhat in the same industry as me, where he has some background and experience in. To begin with, I'm a little annoyed that my brother contacted this boss without even asking/telling me, and I feel a bit used. Especially considering that they've only met once in passing, though they both know each other exists. Also, I feel like my brother is using my boss, because I think my brother just wants to be a part of his successful firm, thinking it will let him become successful as it has for me. I feel that my boss only responded to my brother because of his relationship to me, and that he would give my brother the benefit of the doubt because of how well he knows me. Sort of as if I'm vouching for my brother, even though I wouldn't necessarily do so. However, what complicates the problem is my brother's history and personal issues. He has some mental and personality disorders, which I believe led him to burning some bridges and causing disruptions in his past work and professional settings. He has also caused anguish amongst the family and friends. In any case, my boss knows nothing about this and thinks he is just like me, which he is not. I am conflicted if I should bring this up to him, knowing that it may sabotage my brothers chance at landing the job and maybe even hurt our relationship. I would love to him to find work, but just not at my former boss' firm. My biggest fear is that he would cause some disruption and put my boss in a tough position because he's my brother. I'm also worried about my brother causing a disruption whereby my reputation and relationship with my boss is ruined. I'm miffed that my brother went behind my back and sort of used me to get a job, and I honestly wish he would forge his own path rather than ride on my coattails so to speak. While I knew he was looking for a job, and that he may have the skillsets to work at my old firm, I didn't ask my former boss for a reason. Had my brother asked me to ask my boss, I would have said no. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I wouldn't bring it up but I wouldn't lie if asked a direct Q. Your boss isn't stupid. the fact that your brother came to him directly instead of through you initially is already a red flag; at the very least it screams that your brother knows nothing about personal politics & business networking. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) TBH he isn't your boss anymore, so I don't think it's a huge deal that your brother didn't talk to you first. It's one thing if you still work there, but you don't. Sure, maybe he could have brought it up with you first, but in reality, he can apply to wherever he wants. If your former boss asks you for a recommendation, you can simply ask him to consider your brother only based on his work history and professional references. Edited August 19, 2014 by pink_sugar Link to post Share on other sites
Author fasteddie911 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Share Posted August 19, 2014 Thanks for your quick thoughts. The thing about my brother is that he is deceitful and lies to get what he wants, and I wouldn't be surprised if he lied and told my boss that I suggested he contact him. Also, as I mentioned, he was my boss, but also a mentor and we are close enough that I would invite him to my wedding. So I'm wondering if I should talk to my boss on a personal level. Also, when I talk about my brother's past disruptions, I mean to the point where he was asked to leave by the higher-ups and family had to get involved. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Thanks for your quick thoughts. The thing about my brother is that he is deceitful and lies to get what he wants, and I wouldn't be surprised if he lied and told my boss that I suggested he contact him. Also, as I mentioned, he was my boss, but also a mentor and we are close enough that I would invite him to my wedding. So I'm wondering if I should talk to my boss on a personal level. Also, when I talk about my brother's past disruptions, I mean to the point where he was asked to leave by the higher-ups and family had to get involved. I can understand your feelings and I've actually had something similar happen recently. My Uncle is my much like your bother...not well liked, issues with past employment etc. He was trying to get a job where my husband works. Thankfully, since it was my dad who told my husband to ask his boss about a job for his brother, I just went ahead and sent my dad a text saying the job opening had closed, even though it wasn't the case. My husband and Uncle aren't on good terms and considering my Uncle's history, it would be a bad idea for him to work there. Anyways, if you are comfortable and you speak to your ex boss often, you can relay that you know your bother contacted him about a job and suggest he contact professional references and do employment verification before moving forward as you aren't able to give him a reliable reference. I think this sounds professional and doesn't sound like you're the bad guy out to stop your brother from getting a job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dogeared Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Is there actually an opening? If not, I think you are worrying over nothing. If there is, I agree with pink_sugar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 "Ex-boss, I just learned that Brother contacted you about a possible job opportunity. I'd like to respectfully request that you give him no special consideration based on his relation to me, and that you make your decision based on your standard hiring procedure." Or something like that. Something that basically says, "Pretend he's not my brother," without saying anything negative about him, and it points out that you didn't even know he applied. I think that would be a pretty big hint that you do not vouch for him. Hopefully your ex-boss will catch on or call you to discuss it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 If your brother has mental issues, then that explains why he did what he did without talking to your first. Regardless, you need to contact your former boss and give him the heads up. This could really screw up your relationship with him if you don't warn him that hiring your brother would not be in his best interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 If your brother has mental issues, then that explains why he did what he did without talking to your first. Regardless, you need to contact your former boss and give him the heads up. This could really screw up your relationship with him if you don't warn him that hiring your brother would not be in his best interest. Why? If the boss chooses to hire him without contacting OP for a reference, it's his decision. He would have no reason to hold it against the OP. As for the brother, perhaps he went directly to the boss because he didn't want the OP to be a factor...either because he knew he would be discouraged from applying or because he wanted to get the job on his own merit and not feel indebted to the OP. Unless the OP is contacted by either the brother or the boss, he should stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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