My friends are saying they want to work as a team

[Kaiten]

I have two friends that say they want to put our minds together with me and work on a project. This was actually a suggestion I made for us, not expecting them to agree. But they did.

 

When we got around to talking about our plan, one of my friends, Eric, said, "I am not going to have the time to fully devote myself to it, but yeah let's do it".

 

My other friend, Dan, then said the same thing.

 

Right after that, they literally said, "So let's talk about the idea."

 

I immediately said, "stop. that's enough."

 

I explained to them that there was no point in investing our time into an idea that we were serious about if we were going to be trying to do all these other things.

 

I work 2 jobs and am trying to finish my second book as well as teaching myself computer programming (all of which I enjoy).

 

Dan works 1 job and 1 side job and then is currently remodeling his own house.

 

Eric is working 2 jobs, says he plans on going to school, and wants to write his own music with his time.

 

Given all this, I said, I would be willing to drop my solo ventures to work with them on a team project. Eric said he was not willing to do this. And so did Dan.

 

I then explained to them that if we were trying to be successful, then at the very least we would have to give 100% of ourselves to the team when we were together.

 

As in when you're at work give 100% of yourself to that, and when you are writing your music, give 100% of yourself to that, and when you are working on the team project, give 100% of yourself to that.

 

Eric said that he couldn't do that, but said he still wanted to talk about the idea.

 

I then said, that there was no point in brainstorming an idea that we weren't going to act on. I added that when it comes to being part of a team, it means that each individual must make sacrifices for the other two team members, kind of like

.

 

We would have to look after each other, and make sacrifices for one another.

 

Eric then replied, "So you basically want us to work for you."

 

I was baffled to say the least. Somehow, he is taking my talk about the sacrifice that it takes to work as a worthwhile team as me wanting to run the show.

 

Eric then said, "I think you just want to dictate what happens."

 

When I asked why he said, "Because you won't even listen to my ideas."

 

I replied, "So are you saying that we will actually act on these ideas?"

 

Eric answered, "I don't have the time to."

 

So I just told him how I felt. I said, "There's no point in brainstorming ideas we aren't even planning to do anything with. That's a waste of your time, Dan's time, and my time. Why take the time to talk about things we aren't going to do?"

 

For some reason, when I say that, Eric thinks that I want to run the show and tell everyone what to do. He also thinks that I feel his ideas aren't worth talking about.

 

All I want is before we even sit down to brainstorm, for everyone on the team to agree that even though we have lives, that we will all give our best shots. No "wells...". No "buts". To me that is essential.

 

Of the three of us, I am the only one with a track record of starting something and finishing it. It's something I am actually known for.

 

I would like to work with my friends but I am starting to think that they are missing some key concepts essential to making a project work. They also don't have the kind of friends that would be supportive of us. All of their friends smoke weed, drink, and, from what they've told me, try other drugs.

 

We cannot have that. Our odds of succeeding are slim enough without us involving illegal substances in the mix.

 

Nevertheless, my problem is that my friends think that I just want to run the show when all I am asking is that they put the same effort I put in. Otherwise, why should I abandon my own projects I'm currently working on? At least I know that those will get finished.

 

What do you guys think?

 

I'm open to learning to be a better communicator, but I am starting to think that these long time friends may be people I need to cut out of my life.

[spiderowl]

Hmm, I see your difficulty. People are inspired by ideas though, so maybe talking about it a bit might help it to form better, a kind of vision, that they might feel they could focus on. Talking is part of exploring the whole thing and exploration doesn't have to have a practical goal.

 

I do take your point that if they want to develop a plan and put it into practice, then they will have to be more dedicated. This may be something that comes with the vision (or mission), once that is clearer, or not. It could be that they mean they can't dedicate 100% of their time to it, in which case how much time would be sufficient so that you could get them to agree to that once they are inspired?

 

I can appreciate you don't want it all to be just a talking shop as that is just frustrating. Creativity is a strange thing - ideas grow and change as they are developed in the mind and with input from others. Perhaps they just want to explore initially and not pin it down or narrow the focus at this point. I don't think you can tell who is a 'doer' or not so early in the process (unless they have a long track record of talking and not achieving). What is the harm in encouraging brainstorming at this point? What have you got to lose?

Edited July 3, 2014 by spiderowl

[Yasuandio]

Speaking of what you may have to lose...

 

Are you concerned that even in putting your idea or concept on the table for consideration that this in itself could be a risk?

 

Are you asking the guys for commitment before the cat is outta the bag so to speak?

 

If so, if the idea is that great, perhaps a contract needs to be in place, or a copyright of sorts can be created apriori.

 

But sometimes - we can feel a little paranoid about our ideas - I recall having that feeling in grad school during my dissertation. And Son of a B, a professor took my materials and sent them into the Getty as proof he had been working on his grant. My instincts alerted me to this feeling the year before, and I had a friend, whose husband was a patent Attoney. He explained how easy it was to do the paperwork with the Library of Congress - and he showed me how to insert the proper citation seal on my work. This was in the early 90's. Can you believe this professor had the nerve to white out my copyright seal? What a dummy.

 

He was another dept., and, of course, it was kinda a dicey polital situation I found myself in. My dept. Surprising stood by me, and he dropped out of the Grant program. (it occurs to me now that perhaps my department HAD to stand by me - as there was a dificult legal and maybe fraud issue involved!). But I felt so "protective" and proud of my research babies!!!! And true enough - when you write a dissertation, you are supposed to be introducing new knowledge into the field. Everything was fine - but what he did was illegal - but what's a grad student to do, right? Duh.

 

Professors do this crap all the time, and get away with. It is stressful on students. In the end - the important thing is advancing knowledge - and no one will take you seriously until you get your credentials. That's how it washes out in my old profession.

 

I don't know if this helps or not. But I tried. Yas

Edited July 3, 2014 by Yasuandio