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I have a crush on my co worker but I am married.

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Old 13th January 2014, 8:20 PM   #1
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I have a crush on my co worker but I am married.

I have been married for 10 years. It started out horrible just acouple months into the marriage I got pregnant (that is not the horrible part) afew weeks later I found out my husband was cheating when I came home and saw him cuddling a girl on our couch. He continued cheating for a whole year, until he finally realized he wanted me. I have never gotten over the pain. Most of the time I feel like we are together because I have no money to leave, we have three kids and I know my mom would yell at me ( yes I am a grown woman). My husband does everything possible to show my how much he loves me and spoils me so much. But I just don't have the passion for him. So there is this co worker that I have known for 4 years but we only been talking outside of work for 9 months. We went out with a group of co workers and I saw him differently. Afew weeks later we went out just the two of us. We ended up kissing and just alittle bit of fondling. He is single but says he is not ready for a relationship he is still enjoying the single life. I told my husband about what happened. We flirt alot, for awhile I thought he just wanted sex because he would ask me when we were going to do it. I told him I can't have sex with him. But he has an amazing body it is hard to say no. I told a female coworker about what happened and somehow another co worker found out who is also his cousin. I asked his cousin what he says and he thinks he has alittle crush on me and it is not just him liking to flirt. I am very open with my feelings and have told my coworker that I like him. I just feel so confused right now he is giving me mixed signals. He says his relationships start out as fwb then involve into a relationship. Well with being married I can't do that. Should we just keep flirting and see where it leads? Should I leave my husband? Just so confused.
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Old 13th January 2014, 10:33 PM   #2
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You need to take charge of your own life. OK fine your marriage was a mess in the beginning & you immediately got pregnant. You don't mention triplets so presumably you thought it was a good idea to have 2 more kids for a total of 3 with your husband. That even more than your vows is a promise. If it was that bad, what were you doing having more kids?

If you don't have enough money to leave your marriage, how are you going to have enough money to leave your marriage to be with this new guy or are you under some delusion that he loves you enough to support your kids too? Does he even know you have kids?

Crushes happen. Everybody looks.

If you really think your marriage is over & you would leave to stand on your own two feet even if this crush didn't exit, that's one thing. To live in this fantasy world because you are in "lust" . . . . not a good plan at all.
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Old 14th January 2014, 2:48 PM   #3
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Dude I just read your title, I'm not even going to read your thread, DON'T DO IT. Love the person youre married to forget about crushes.
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Old 14th January 2014, 2:53 PM   #4
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I didn't read past you catching your husband cheating. Why didn't you leave his sorry a55?
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Old 14th January 2014, 11:05 PM   #5
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This is such a mess. Too late for an A now since you have such loose lips.
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Old 15th January 2014, 12:22 AM   #6
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Unfortunately, most of these types of relationships lead to heartbreak, mostly for the woman. I too had this happen. I think when things are bad in your marriage, you're more susceptible to GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) and having an affair. I was interested in a guy for a time whom I worked with. He had one kid when we were working together and had another later on after he left the company. He also flirted, but he was still in a serious relationship with the mother of his kids. He also made it clear he was not looking for anything serious. Even if we were both single, I'm not ready for that type of responsibility. I moved on. I didn't need the unnecessary drama.

Does this coworker of yours have kids? How does he feel about you having 3 kids and having been around the block already? This is a big deal even if your relationship were to get serious. To be honest, it sounds like he's just looking to have a good time. I too find it surprising that you've been with your husband so long, despite what he did early on in the marriage. I understand money is an issue, but surely you could have worked on a plan to get out rather than have another 2 kids with him? If you found him at home with another woman and he was doing it all year long, odds are he will continue to do it again in the future.
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Old 15th January 2014, 8:53 PM   #7
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Thank you for the replies. If I did leave my husband it wouldn't be so that I could be in a relationship with my co worker. It would be because I finally am doing something that I felt I needed to do for along time. I would want to take things really slow and just continue to be friends with him. He does have one kid and was with his kids mom for 11 years, never married. My husband knows I am not happy and wants me to do whatever I need to to be happy. It is the hardest decision ever because my husband is a great guy but when he did what he did I lost something for him. I have no passion and haven't kissed him in 10 years. We get along just fine that is why I stay with him and raise our kids together. I hear lots of marriages are about settling. My coworker gives me the feeling that I have lost for my husband.
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Old 24th February 2014, 2:09 PM   #8
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If you play with will get burned...
Be the person you wish to meet...
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Old 24th February 2014, 2:41 PM   #9
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It sounds to me like you are looking for permission not advise...

Why else would you start your message telling us about your husbands affair from 10 years ago that you obviously did not leave him for?

If you want to move on, move on. If you want to have an affair, have an affair. But don't blame your husbands actions 10 years ago for it. You chose to forgive him by staying with him and having 3 kids. You could have (and probably should have) chose differently.

This new choice you are facing has nothing to do with his past mistakes. But possibly your future ones.
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Old 24th February 2014, 2:45 PM   #10
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Leave for yourself because the marriage is dead and he had an affair, not for this dude at work. Affairs are never okay, no matter what the other person in the marriage did or did not do.
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Old 25th February 2014, 6:10 PM   #11
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Divorce first, then have your "affair" when you are not attached.

The new guy is not a long-term relationship. He will not be good around your kids.

If the kids are boys, they may get beat up some, but if they are girls, do not get into these short term relationships. I have had too many friends, where their daughters get molested by the new boyfriend.

If you really want him for the short time he will be around, leave your kids with your H, and have your fun. Your family will be all messed up, but you had your fun.
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Old 27th February 2014, 11:47 PM   #12
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have you and your husband tried counseling? people are not perfect. he sounds like he made a mistake. you have 3 kids together. its worth counseling to try and overcome your pain. and maybe you can rekindle that passion with him.
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Old 3rd March 2014, 10:34 AM   #13
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Since this is in the 'Professional Relationships' category...

If you have an affair with a co-worker and you're a married mother of three, if this gets out and chances are high it will, people will never think of you the same at work. You're going to look like someone who isn't as trustworthy, respectable or able to deal with pressure. That will cost you when they think of promotions, important projects, etc. And given the dramas that almost inevitably brew between lovers at work, one of you could end up fired or needing to leave. It's usually not the guy. So be ready to lose your family and job over this.
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Old 18th March 2014, 10:30 AM   #14
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Any updates?
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