Complicated Situation with a female Co-Worker

[PreBoy]

First of all, Greetings to all Loving humans in this forum

 

There's this woman who's older than me by 4 years. We've been working together for almost a year, went through lots of thick and thin together through all the projects we worked.

 

First of all, I've always regarded and respected her as an elder sister to me. However, 2 months back, I starts to realized I think of her more often than not.. And this is where all my **** starts.. Just 2 months ago..

 

Btw, she's in a LDR with a guy and they're VERY shaky.

 

Besides knowing this, I started to flirt and cared for her more than I should without me realizing it. We hit off really well and she starts to reciprocate my feelings.

 

She finally agreed to go out on a date with me and during the date, I've told her I do not regard her as a Sister anymore and I even told her I liked her. All she say to me "be careful of getting burned" and I told her I'm already Burned (LOL). So yeah, after the first date, I decided to stop my feelings going out of control and shall avoid her the best I could during work.

 

However after the date, she talks to me more and got very touchy with me and will jump into every opportunity to talk to me, I tried avoiding her to control my feelings for her but hey, we see each other 5 times a week. I even told her do not put me into any of her projects since she's leaving the company in another 3 months time. Instead, she forces me into her remaining projects and when I rejected, she went up to my Group Leader and requested for me.

 

Since she's not going to let me off, I thought it might be fun continue "playing" with her. We started going out on 2 more dates and were very touchy and whenever I starts to be serious with her, she will put it off by either stating "I'm like her bro" or "I'm too young" (I'm 23 while she's 27 btw).

 

She stopped telling me about her bf ever since I confessed that I like her. But one thing I know for sure is that her bf is flying over to visit her for a week during her birthday. She even told me that she does not want him to come over and do not even know why she's still in a relationship with him (He cheated on her before).

 

She took 7 days leave and yes.. this is the 4th day of me not talking and seeing her.. And I'm like missing her so badly now...

 

I tried every method to keep myself as busy as possible and not to think of her and text her or call her (read all of the advise in this forum) but to no avail. I MISSED her very badly, knowing that she's spending time with her BF and all makes me feel even worst. I sent her a birthday text yesterday and her reply was cold and uninterested hence I did not reply further so as not to cause me to be hurt more.

 

Okay guys, I know I'm stupid to develop feelings for her where I should not have. I felt I was being played by her all these time!! I'm so angry at myself and sad this happened. I thought I'm beef enough to discipline my emotions but yeah.. I wasn't mature enough.

 

I'll need advise now as I still has 3 projects with her and will be seeing her 2 weeks later in office.

 

1) How can I stop my feelings for her to develop further so I can work professionally?

 

2) How should I avoid her so as not to make things awkward between us.

 

I'm very sure that going back to being the close sister and brothers now is impossible between us now. I need to get back on track with my life!

 

I hope my story doesn't bore you, and will appreciate every advise I could get to get her out of my head and to be able to perform in my work too. I doubt anyone will actually read all of what I wrote lol, but if you read it full, you have my thanks

[BklynGuy]

Dealing with relationships in the workplace is very tricky. It's basically NOT a good idea. I've had several & didn't think it was a problem UNTIL...

 

I was the opposite of you, I was 27 & she was 23 w/a bf. She used me to make him jealous after we had sex. She chased me, not me her until she offered sex. This was all a ploy....she had underlying motives. The BF or her didn't react well to this. I was stalked electronically & physically on the streets in my neighborhood.

 

She made TONS of trouble on the job with everyone I knew & ultimately lied to the cops on me after I left the job. She basically sent the cops to my house @ 3am saying I was her man & had been fighting with her. Her BF punched her in the face 1 day after she tells him we had sex.

 

I never told her where I live or brought her to my home, so she obviously stalked me. I have NEVER even thought of getting with a girl on a job after this. Worse part, this MAY have been a major career opportunity for me & now it's blown! Bottom line, you're in too deep now but relationships & jobs don't go together.

[Eddie Edirol]

Thres only two things you can do. Figure out who to talk to at work to get yourself off of her projects.

 

After that, figure out things negative to tell yourself so that you are turned off to her. Number one being, she is still hung up on her bf, because she is cold to you when she is spending time with him. Also, she might not even be really attracted to you, try to look past your feelings to figure out if she is playing you. When a woman tells you to watch out getting burned, she is usually telling you she isnt into you like that.

[missingu]

I completely understand where u are coming from, I have been there a couple if times myself. If u avoid it I think it makes it obvious to the person of interest..happened to me when I realised I have a very strong attraction to someone from work,I started acting different than normal and he picked it right there i believe.. Then if u talk to them too much,or flirt, others start talking even though its not their concern and it becomes this great big tense situation because you know it's happening,you're scared to show whats happening,so you act distant. I feel the attraction with my married boss is mutual,but we keep our distance,flirt from across the room or in general conversation with eye contact(looks)smiles,different things he has said..like certain things only to do with me..

 

And then we go back to distant.

 

I think it's up to what you feel.do u feel its mutual or not and be careful in the workplace,you don't want to lose your job over this..another thing that holds me back lol good luck

[turnera]

Please don't start a relationship when she's already involved. She'll never resolve her feelings for him and when things are bad with you, she'll blame it on leaving him for you. Let it work out naturally and stop flirting. She knows you like her, but stepping back shows you have integrity.

[spiderowl]

It sounds like she enjoys your company (and attention) but doesn't think of you as a possible partner. She is still seeing the other guy, despite what she says. Who knows what will happen in this situation?

 

Avoiding her is going to be difficult. As you've already told her you like her, I don't see why you can't also let her know that you like her a lot and therefore need to keep a distance as she's seeing someone else. Is it possible she doesn't understand why you are trying to avoid her? If it is, make it clear.

 

Keeping a distance and showing less interest in her might make a difference too. If she thinks she's losing you, she might rethink her current situation. If you are there, hanging on to her every word, she doesn't have to - she can have it all until you make it clear you are not just waiting in the wings. It's surprising how someone cooling off can make you think hard about whether you do want to lose them or not.