This girl at work

[browniecalgary]

I need some expert advise on something that is happening with me at work. I like a girl at work and apparently she likes me too. We have flirtous eye contacts, sneaky smiles and of-course talk whenever we get a chance.

 

She eyes me every time she passes by my office and I do feel 'that thing' from her body language. I do like her and have tested myself to verify it is not just infatuation for physical desires. I look at her face while talking and she has been occupying my mind in all good ways. I have told her that I am taken (which actually I am) but that did not change much and she still keeps eyeing and giving flirtous looks. Can someone help me to understand how to really know what is going within her without breaking office decorum?

 

I do not want to ask her out unless I know she is serious. I am quite older than her and at a much higher position of authority. She is shy in nature and very hard to judge.

Edited November 18, 2012 by browniecalgary
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[browniecalgary]

I see lot of views to this post but not a reply. Just to clarify, I am posting this as I do have genuine feelings for her. It's not just to get advises on flirting, I want to be fair and correct with the girl hence the question.

[RachR]

It sounds like she likes you, probably has a crush. Especially if she's shy and not flirty with everyone by nature. You could ask her out on a date but you said you are taken, so that means you have a girlfriend. You should break up with your girlfriend first if you ask this coworker out. You also said you were in a higher position of authority. Does that mean you're her boss? If you're her boss, then I personally see no problem with socializing outside of work but I don't think asking her out on a date would be a good idea unless she literally says she likes you and is romantically interested in you (and even then, ethics of dating an employee are questionable but that's something for you to decide).

[browniecalgary]

Thanks for your response. I have clarified few things below:

 

It sounds like she likes you, probably has a crush. Especially if she's shy and not flirty with everyone by nature.

 

No, she is not flirty at all. Infact she hardly used to speak with folks at work, but since we have started talking and exchanging glances, she is nowadays more open to people. it doesn't make me envious at all, rather i like the change in her.

 

 

You also said you were in a higher position of authority. Does that mean you're her boss?

 

No, thank God, I am not her boss. it would have been messy then:confused:. But she is close to my office and we interact a lot on both work and non-work related matters.

 

but I don't think asking her out on a date would be a good idea unless she literally says she likes you and is romantically interested in you

 

Yes, i agree on this and that I should free myself up from existing relation. I guess I'd just give it a time. Who know she might just have a crush (I do get lot of stares from women everywhere) but doesn't like the idea of getting romantically involved due to the age gap.

[whichwayisup]

What is the actual age gap?

 

I am quite older than her and at a much higher position of authority.

You're not her boss but seems you are in a position of power?

 

What is office policy when it comes to people dating?

[browniecalgary]

Thanks for replying.

 

The gap is between 12-15 years, as far as I can guess and no I'm not her boss though in a much higher position.

 

The office policy isn't specific but tolerates as long as it is appropriate and not harassment / favoritism. I know another couple in similar situation and people have accepted them.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks for replying.

 

The gap is between 12-15 years, as far as I can guess and no I'm not her boss though in a much higher position.

 

The office policy isn't specific but tolerates as long as it is appropriate and not harassment / favoritism. I know another couple in similar situation and people have accepted them.

 

Drop a few hints. Be nice to her and maybe one day bring her a coffee or tea and wink, then walk away. See how she reacts to that.

 

Age gap isn't that important unless she's under age.. Obviously she's not. She's an adult and so are you. I say just feel it out and see how things go. Subtle hints work!

[browniecalgary]

Drop a few hints. Be nice to her and maybe one day bring her a coffee or tea and wink, then walk away. See how she reacts to that. k!

 

Thanks again. Have treated her with coffee which went well. Reaction after that is kind of hot and cold . Just wondering how to initiate a conversation on going out as getting to personal at workplace is highly visible.

[Napoolion]

I need some expert advise on something that is happening with me at work. I like a girl at work and apparently she likes me too. We have flirtous eye contacts, sneaky smiles and of-course talk whenever we get a chance.

 

She eyes me every time she passes by my office and I do feel 'that thing' from her body language. I do like her and have tested myself to verify it is not just infatuation for physical desires. I look at her face while talking and she has been occupying my mind in all good ways. I have told her that I am taken (which actually I am) but that did not change much and she still keeps eyeing and giving flirtous looks. Can someone help me to understand how to really know what is going within her without breaking office decorum?

 

I do not want to ask her out unless I know she is serious. I am quite older than her and at a much higher position of authority. She is shy in nature and very hard to judge.

Women like you because you got authority. And to get authority you must have suitable personality, being valuable to others. It neglects from your body language. Women tend to talk they like money and looks, but really they are looking for authority. I am afraid I can't give you a solution to your problem since I don't have that many facts to base my opinion. Do what feels right to you.

[browniecalgary]

Thanks all for helpful suggestions. I have somehow managed to get better at it. Gave her few hints that staring at me all the time not only makes me feel uncomfortable, but others are watching us. She probably felt a little hurt about it but will eventually know that it's for both of our good.

 

Hopefully I can make her a friend some day.

[spiderowl]

So you are taken but you want to ask out a much younger woman at your office? It's possible you are projecting your feelings onto her - in other words, you fancy her so think she's giving you flirtatious glances when she's just being normal.

 

If she does fancy you, why would you ask her out if you are taken? Are you married? If so, you are considering leaving your wife or being unfaithful. You don't seem too occupied by that issue, only whether she fancies you or not.

[browniecalgary]

@Spider: because it is not usual i have posted in the forum, also because I am sure it is not a creepy physical attraction I am open about it. On her being normal.....I have checked out few things on body language, that do confirm she likes me. Plus this is ongoing for 4-5 months hence I know it's both ways.

 

On your point in being unfaithful, I haven't been yet but my present relation is beyond mending. Have been faithful for 15 years. Btw, in my profession male to female ratio is 50-50 and I always have worked with young beautiful girls. My reputation is rock solid.

[whichwayisup]

Brown, I wish you had said you were married in your opening post, unless I missed that bit of information. I thought you were single and interested in dating a collegue/co worker at work, so that's why I gave the type of advice I did.

 

Since you are married, now I say don't 'go' there with this girl. It doesn't matter if you're interested in her and she's interested in you anymore.. You're married and off limits until you divorce your wife. This is about ego. Feeling good knowing that someone younger is into you. That's fine as long as it doesn't go anywhere.

 

I assume she knows you're married?

 

Either fix your marriage, sort it out with your wife by doing marriage counseling or divorce. It's not fair to your wife, reguardless of what your problems are, she doesn't deserve to be cheated on, and it's also not fair to this girl at work either.

 

You have been faithful and never cheated, so don't! Don't become that guy who cheats on his wife.

[RachR]

Brown, I wish you had said you were married in your opening post, unless I missed that bit of information. I thought you were single and interested in dating a collegue/co worker at work, so that's why I gave the type of advice I did.

 

Since you are married, now I say don't 'go' there with this girl. It doesn't matter if you're interested in her and she's interested in you anymore.. You're married and off limits until you divorce your wife. This is about ego. Feeling good knowing that someone younger is into you. That's fine as long as it doesn't go anywhere.

 

I assume she knows you're married?

 

Either fix your marriage, sort it out with your wife by doing marriage counseling or divorce. It's not fair to your wife, reguardless of what your problems are, she doesn't deserve to be cheated on, and it's also not fair to this girl at work either.

 

You have been faithful and never cheated, so don't! Don't become that guy who cheats on his wife.

 

Yep I agree with this. I also didn't realize you were married...