shibby45 Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 I guess my question has to do with office romances. I just started a new job (3 weeks ago) and there's someone at work that I'm already interested in. We are in a training session together, so we've gotten to know each other pretty well. We email back and forth all day pretty much about our likes/dislikes and whatnot. She seems very friendly and has offered to take me out hiking in the area. She also brings extra food everyday (knowing that she won't eat it) so that I'm not hungry. I consider this a pretty good sign that she's interested in me. The problem arises from the fact that our trainer is also about our age (23) and he seems interested in this woman as well. It seems like they have hit it off as well as we have. My question is: do I wait to ask her out (and build a deeper friendship first) or do I make my move now before she starts dating the other guy? This seems like a classic "falling into the friendzone" question. What can I do? thanks for any help Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 No need to post this in multiple forums. The members here can see all the new posts in all forums. Just thought I'd let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 Make your move. It sounds like she already has. Take her up on the hiking trip. How's this weekend? "Don't be a day late and a dollar short." Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 25, 2004 Share Posted February 25, 2004 If you are seriously interested try to move ASAP. Don't wait or assume. The ball is in your field my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shibby45 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 update: we sat next to eat other at lunch. she sat right next to me. i don't mean just the seat next to me, we were literally rubbing elbows. when i would turn to talk to her, our faces were less than a foot apart, and she didn't flinch. she would also keep eye contact, and look at my lips every now and again, and then back to my eyes. it's tough to gage something like this.. it seems like i'm getting mixed signals. these seem like pretty positive signals though don't they???? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Originally posted by shibby45 i would turn to talk to her, our faces were less than a foot apart, and she didn't flinch. she would also keep eye contact, and look at my lips every now and again, and then back to my eyes. [...] it seems like i'm getting mixed signals. No it doesn't, it sounds like you copied your signals from a romance novel. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Ha don't listen to dyer. He usually has very good advise but occasionally likes to stir things up a bit. How's the hiking trip plans coming along? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 {ehem} As I was saying, those signals are overwhelmingly positive, and if you're ever going to ask her out, do it when she throws herself at you again. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 lol That's better. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Originally posted by carla lol That's better. Honestly that's what I was saying before, but sometimes the spirit of my advice is lost in the sarcastic device. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shibby45 Posted February 27, 2004 Author Share Posted February 27, 2004 alright honestly guys.. i'm sorry if i'm missing the obvious. yes i'm very naive when it comes to this. does the lips thing give it away that easily? maybe the signals aren't mixed at all.. well anywhere that's not inside my head. i usually paint a different picture than most. i study just about every angle before i play one of them.. and usually i just end up sitting it out. glad i could offer some comic relief for you dyer.. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Just ask her out. She'll say yes or she'll say no. If she says no, you'll live. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Originally posted by shibby45 does the lips thing give it away that easily? My apologies, I didn't mean to give the impression that I was ripping on you, perhaps I'm a bitter elitist, the fate of anyone who spends more than two weeks on a forum. I've had my own thread of nervousness when it comes to personal analysis and response to female signals, and was told that the lips thing was a dead giveaway for "I want to kiss you", and from my own post-thread, enrapturing experience, that's certainly the case. The biggest thing that I noticed was that not only were there many positive signals, but there were no negative signals at all. I can't promise you she'll go out with you, but I can say with abosolute certainty that she's interested in you, and that you shouldn't sit this one out. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Just wait for the right moment and make a right move. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 i think you are right on the line. she could like you romantically, but will not do so for long if you continue to pussyfoot about. you came here asking for lessons on body language literacy: now you know. she likes you, but it has a shelf life. ask her out next wednesday for a fun and strange evening saturday date that you plan - none of this 'er..what do you wanna do' stuff. then kiss her well. my preference is the unexpected swooping kiss, but not every girl likes that. (though many i know do) gauge for yourself. if you lose heart, boil it down: (food +lip looking+sitting too closely+ hiking plans+ comraderie) x whatever your response is) will likely = romance and sex, if your response is not 0. if your response is 0, then you have failed your equation. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 It all depends on your next move. You either use it or loose it. It is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shibby45 Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 yet another update. tonight there were a few people going out for a few drinks after work.. she pretty much said that unless i was coming too, she wasn't gonna go. after a bit of debating on whether or not i should wreck my plans with my other friends, i decided to go. we had a few drinks.. she was flirting with me.. we had a good time. she called me on the way time to thank me for coming out and that we should do it again. she offered for me to stay at her place if i wasn't feeling up for the drive.. i declined of course, being the gentleman that i am. all in all i'd say it's going pretty well. i know that i have to now actually ask her out one on one for this to go anywhere.. but i don't think that will be a problem. we'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Just take your time and play it safe. Don't also forget those " Gentleman" rules, and don't let yourself be carried away through the overexcitement waves. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Are you still waiting for the right moment ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shibby45 Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 to be honest.. this is eerily similar to what happened to me when i was in college. i spent a lot of time with one girl (like everyday for 2 years), we got really close, and by the time i had realized that i really cared for her, she had moved in with some guy. i told her i loved her, and she told me that she didn't know if she could ever feel the same for me or not. i don't know i guess i'm just scared of the same thing happening again. it's the only time i've ever had my heart broken, and it was the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 So don't wait until you've fallen in love with her. Ask her out NOW!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Just go for it . If she says " NO", you will not be loosing too much. I mean you can do well without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shibby45 Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 i guess my next question is how? i know her interest level.. but how do i tell her mine? we work til midnight.. so there isn't a whole lot of time for going out. we already go out for drinks after work... i don't want to just spill my guts, but that's the only way i know how to do things.. and it always gets me heartbroken in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Why must you confess undying love just to get a date? Just say 'how's about we go out someplace'. She'll figure out that you're interested in her company; you don't need to spell it out for her. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Just relax and take it easy. Things will work out really well if you take your time and be yourself. Don't act and be who you are. Girls don't like fake actors. Link to post Share on other sites
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