New Co-worker hitting on me..

[sevenof9]

I work at a marketing firm,and a new guy has started contract work there 2 weeks ago. He was overly flirtatious with me, coming into my office, asking me out for a business drink, etc. commenting to me and everyone around me how beautiful I was, calling his friends telling them how great I was, etc, and telling me his personal life right away. He and I had worked with the same people in the past so we immediately were able to have a good conversation. He had also asked my boss numerous questions about me, about what I was like, and wanted the "story" about me from my boss.

 

I agreed to go out with him for a drink after he kept asking and asking me, and met him at a bar next door to where we work. I have a boyfriend, and this guy also has a girlfriend:He explained his relationship was not going well, that they didn't live together, and that his relationship is going downhill. We both talked about how we don't want to have children, and how we have both never been married. Lots of similarities between us. Like I said, I did not expect anything to happen- and was just going out to have fun and relax.

 

We drink about 2 drinks. He and I continue talking, and he tells me he wants to know me better. I sort of laughed, and he was thrilled at my interests, and as the night went on, we had dinner and he then moved in and started kissing me! I was shocked, and he kept kissing me, and we made-out pretty heavily. I pulled away, and was horrified at what happened, but it actually felt nice, which is why I wanted to kick myself just then.

 

Well to make a long story short, a couple more drinks, and we made out for the rest of the evening in a private area at a bar. I was not thinking straight, nor was he. We did not have sex and I let the situation end, even though he was rambling about wanting me with him every night at home and that I shouldn't marry my boyfriend, etc. etc. To marry him(jokingly) That he wanted to travel with me, etc. etc. He was really impressed with where I was from, etc. I mean, he was just having fun, and he kept asking me if I was having fun- and Iwas, but gosh, I barely knew him, I had a boyfriend- and he said I would know him, just give him time, etc.

 

The next morning, he called me at work and asked if I had gotten home alright, I said fine, and he wanted to go out again.

Well, the second time we went, out, I told him that my boyfriend guy #1 really loves me, and I love him, but not enough to commit to a marriage. Guy #2 then tells me well, you know where I'm at, gives me a kiss on the cheek, And we left it at that. I have seen him once after this at work and he complimented me nicely, and we were sort of embarrased about what happened. I felt really shy around him, like a 15 year old girl with a crush.

The ball is in my court now, and I have not called guy #2, He has not contacted me by phone either, but has returned to my place of work - even showing up when I had told him I'd be there at a specific time, although we keep missing each other. I feel that he wants a romatic sexual relationship with me and if he doesn't get that, then there can't be a co-worker friendship. I do want to keep talking with him, but if i call him, It would be like I'm chasing after him in a romatic way- which is what I think he wants- Please help.

[Arabess]

For the sake of sanity......I suggest you break it off with your boyfriend OR ignore the co-worker until the episode which happened becomes a distant memory. It seems like the co-worker really went out of his way to persue you and even try to seduce you. One would wonder why he has a girlfriend if he obviously wants to date elsewhere? It really makes him appear like quite the player.

 

I wonder if you were to totally back off.....do you think he'll go after his next office conquest??

[Arabess]

I just re-read your post and realized you said he was 'on his way out' of the relationship with his girlfriend. Geez...he sounds like a Married Man...LOL! At least wait to see if that is true before giving anymore of your heart or attention to him.

[netman]

Sevenof9, if you have a boyfriend that you love and he loves you, why do you WANT to keep the friendship going with this guy? You've already gone way passed emotional infidelity, you already cheated so I would avoid him at all costs if you really do love you boyfriend. But then again, something must be wrong with the relationship if you agree to go get a drink with another male co-worker. I don't think you're ready for commitment with your boyfriend, but then again you kind of already mentioned that you're not ready for marriage. If you want to be able to have relationships with other guys, you should definitely let your boyfriend go.

 

Don't take offense to this, but after reading your post, I'm sure glad my girlfriend doesn't drink.......

[amerikajin]

Ahhh, what the hell, netman?! She's just having a little fun and not sure if boyfriend #1's getting the job done, so she's giving boyfriend number #2 a little....contract work! (sorry, I couldn't resist).

 

Anyhoo...

 

Look, don't feel guilty about this. I know this is a controversial opinion with which some will vehemently disagree, but the way I see it, boyfriend/girlfriend ain't husband/wife. If she wants to test the waters sometimes, so be it. It's not necessarily something I would do, but I can't rule it out either. Maybe I'm getting bored with my current relationship and meet a new girl but I'm not sure about her...so we hook up for coffee or something one night. Dating is dating. It's not marriage. Just know that there are real consequences for doing it and don't act all surprised if your boyfriend "overreacts" if he ever finds out you've been sneaking out the back door. Nobody likes getting played -even if it's just a boyfriend.