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Coworker flirting??

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Old 17th February 2011, 11:27 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by luvjezza View Post
Hello there!

I'm in a bit of a quandry and was hoping to get some advice/input.

I know we, as females, can read into behaviour and such at times. But, I just want to know if I'm imagining something or if it really is what I'm thinking it is.

I want to preface all of this by saying a few things here: 1. I haven't been in a relationship in almost 6 years and haven't dated anyone in that time either, so my ability to tell when someone is interested in me is probably diminished at this point. 2. Since this is about a co-worker, I'm not the sort to dip in the company ink so I'm not sure if I should attempt to develop any romantic relationship with this person, however......

I mainly want to know if this man attracted to me/flirting with me? Or is he just being nice to me and I'm crazily reading into all of this?

A while back, I began having dreams about my co-worker of a rather illicit and personal nature. I quite liked these dreams so naturally I became very attracted to him.

I take many opportunities to lay down innuendo with him and he usually reacts in the same way. He turns red, smiles big, and sometimes says 'oh my god' and slightly snickers. So, in essence, I am highly flirtatious with him.

I'm a bit anal, so forgive me, but I've kind of compiled a little list of things I've noticed that he does when it comes to me. I did this in the hopes of giving an accurate picture of how things are with this guy.

So, here goes: *warning: it's a long list*

He told someone I looked hot at the Xmas party.
He smiled, blushed and acknowledged when someone asked him if I looked good at the Xmas party.
He spent a good deal of time talking to me/teasing me at the Xmas party,
telling anyone who was near us about how we are always teasing each other every day.
He said 'I guess we'll never find out' in reference to an innuendo I made about oral sex.
He tried to squirt whipped cream at me.
He has playfully slugged me on the arm.
He hugged me before I left for vacation, in front of other coworkers. (but only a one-armed hug)
When I came back from vacation, I was told he was quite worried I was alright and when I returned he was very happy, smiley, excessively teasing.
He didn't move when I deliberately stood RIGHT up against him.
He winks at me frequently and gives me a smile and flashes his eyebrows with a coy smile.
He stares at me prolonged when I stare at him. Sometimes he coyly asks 'What?' or shakes his head, blushes, and smiles then looks away.
He stares at me for long periods of time, while he's walking.
He normally stands close to me when talking to me and doesn't take a step back. He allows me into his personal space to the point
where we are maybe 2 or 3 inches apart without him moving or flinching.
He often looks or glances at me, almost every time when he comes out of our office in our kitchen.
He looks to me for my reaction if he's making a joke or teasing another coworker.
He teases me multiple times every single day, waiting for my reaction or to come playfully swat him/grab him.
He always smirks whenever I say something that he perceives as innuendo, i.e. if I say something like 'this is hard'.
He seems to want attention from me when my attention is on something else,
i.e. asking in front of others if I remembered what he got me for Xmas last year, reminding me his birthday is in March,
or wanting opinions on him/his clothes and shoes/actions if I'm complimenting/noticing someone else's.
He doesn't seem to mind/flinch/allows me to touch him, i.e. kiddingly pretending to strangle him, touching him on the shoulders/chest/arm
tugging on his clothes, picking lint/string off of him, moving him out of my way when he's in my way.
He has called me babe.
He has caught a kiss I've blown to him.
He bought me two drinks at the holiday party.
He didn't seem to complain or mind when I was grabbing him to try to make him dance at a work function, and watched me dance the entire time.
He always gets concerned when I get sick.
He seemed very downhearted when I was ill recently, after beaming a huge smile at me (his first time seeing me that day).
He has checked me out head to toe, several times in which I've seen him do it.
He often gazes at my chest on occasions and I've seen him do it. Sometimes he smiles afterwards. He has let me straighten him up and preen him a few times.
He has let me stand so close to him where our faces were practically an inch apart and hasn't stepped back.
When he knows I'm around, he wants to know everything I'm doing.

*takes deep breath*

Of course, for all these actions, there are these contrary actions:

When we are completely alone, even after a bout of flirting,
he doesn't take any opportunity to touch me appropriately or even inappropriately.
He doesn't go out of HIS way to cross my path during the day.
He only occasionally will do favors for me.
He only rarely makes physical contact with/touches me.
His flirting runs hot and cold various times of the day/week and he can be very oblivious to my existence at times.
He doesn't say goodbye to me most days.
He is oblivious to me even at times when I'm talking directly to him.

So, what do I get from all this? Is he flirting and if so, why is he so odd and oblivious half the time?

And, is there any way to find out directly if he is attracted to me without asking him straight out?? We don't have any contact outside of work. He has no personal email address, doesn't know how to text, and barely even knows how to use his cell phone.

Please help me understand a bit.

Thanks for bearing with me!

I would suggest having a work relationship with him and without your flirting, staring, standing up against him - and the double-meaning inuendos... if you wish to find out what is really going on with just him.

(These so-called 'work' relationships appear to be cheating on the employer. It seems impossible there is expected productivity going on.)
desertIslandCactus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th March 2011, 7:01 AM   #17
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Sorry, I know this reply to your situation is a little late but I just wanted to give you a warning.
I made the mistake of thinking that someone I worked with who I really got on well with, flirted with, who showed me a lot of attention, did things that made me feel like he was singling me out and generally was just so nice to me was interested in me on more than a friendship basis. We spent time together doing activities outside of work and I actually asked him out twice and had a great time.
I was to find out that he had started seeing someone a couple of months after we started spending so much time together outside of work. He told me via text message when I asked him out again and then he used the excuse that he did not think that I was still interested in him. It has now been a year and I have to smile and bear it when I deal with him still at work and in the social situations that we got involved with together and still are involved with today (although I so wish he would get sick of it all and bugger off!).
My warning basically involves the fact that you will have to deal with this person on many occasions when you are at work and if you do take that step to push the relationship that you have to see if there is something else there and it does not work out are you prepared to also incorporate that into the mix?
FriedBrain is offline   Reply With Quote


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