major secret crush on a workmate

[iker]

Hi,

 

I've been having a major secret crush on a workmate for quite a few months. I'm a single man, early 40s. She's a charming married woman with children in her mid 30s. Our jobs are the same level, rank-wise, and we work in same office 15 feet from each other.

 

She started getting really flirtatious as soon as I started working on my current job two years ago and somehow I let the ball roll on for awhile. We went out for coffee a few times and went out for lunch once. It never passed that stage. As I realized that the possibility of getting involved beyond that point with a married co-worker would get me nowhere and would even put my job in jeopardy I tried a few times to put some distance between us which she somehow always overcame.

 

Finally a couple of months ago I decided to avoid having any kind of relation with her other than on work related matters; basically I've been ignoring her except on work related matters and the customary hellos and goodbyes. I know it’s a kind of childish behaviour but I don’t know what else to do. This once after a few weeks she did get the message and started treating with a similar kind of distance and coldness (which stupidly enough kind of hurts).

 

Sometimes I wish I could find a similar job elsewhere to stop seeing her altogether; too bad the economy is in terrible condition right now...

 

However, after all said and done I can't keep her off my mind as I think of her much more often than I'd like to, basically most of the time even during the wee hours in the middle of the night.

 

To help describe the scope of my crush, last Saturday I was on a date with a great lady I had recently met and the date turned into a disaster as I couldn't get her off my mind.

 

Jeess do I feel dumb! I feel like an inmature guy with a childish crush. Don't know what else to do...

 

Thanks in advance for reading to this point.

 

All the best,

 

(PS: somehow it felt great punching those secret feelings out of my chest)

:-)

[Feelin Frisky]

I sympathasize. I'm reminded of "Invisible Touch" by Phil Collins where he sings "...when she gets under your skin, you're never quite the same..." Been there. It's such a good feeling that is so bad.

[green_tea]

I can also sympathise - have a thing for a guy I've just noticed at work. I've barely spoken to him though, so don't know if he is single or not. I'm thinking not, because he looks to be in is 30's and I expect most good men to be taken by then.

 

However, when and if I find out he is not available, I am prepared, and just will not allow myself to get depressed about it. I will move on to the next prospect - sure they may be far and few between at my age, but that really doesn't bother me.

 

Why get down about someone who is married? Part of the attraction should be that they are single and able to be with you. You are wasting your time being hung up on this married woman, and possibly letting go of some great women that are single.

 

Don't be too down on yourself though - I know it is very easy to let feelings grow while you are work - but if you are really serious about meeting someone else, then you have to try and fight them. I also think it's not very nice of this woman to flirt with you like that - she most probably knows you do like her. Just think of that as a bad trait of hers if that helps you think lesser of her.

[linda101]

Actually u can just tell her that you have a crush on her. Then you can tell her the reasons that you are avoiding her and blah blah blah...

That would work better.

I was in the same kind of situation as you. And by saying those true feelings out and explaining the cause of your actions. Both parties will then spit it all out and then both will understand. And then both will get along better as work mates than feeling awkward avoiding each other.

Communication is key.