Am I being bullied at work?

[totallyjen]

I think I'm being bullied at my job. First of all, I work on a college campus in a student position, for the college's student environmental organization. That means that my "boss" is another student, the position is a temporary one, and we have no HR department.

 

The job I do is ordering and maintaining the stock of "giveaways," which are promotional items, and I have to help run the major fundraiser we have annually that coordinates with other non-profit environmental groups around here. The nice thing is that it's only 15 hours a week, which gives me time for my studies.

 

A couple months ago, my boss singled me out and told me that she thought I would be the best candidate to take over her job when she graduates. I politely told her that I was flattered, but that I didn't think I could do it, since I will only be graduating one semester after her, and I'd need to focus on my final semester project. She seemed to let it go, and I didn't hear anything else about it until just a couple weeks ago.

 

Well, a couple weeks ago, as the semester is started up again, I notice that she had gotten kind of distant, like not answering my emails right away as I prepare for our fundraiser, and being really vague to me about work related things in general. I came into the office one day, and she is sitting with another organization member (just a student volunteer member) and they both look up at me, get really quiet, and then give a knowing kind of look to each other. I say hi, and they both barely acknowledge it, and then leave the office. I got the awful feeling in my gut that they were talking about me. Obviously, I didn't know for sure, and I didn't want to make a big deal out of something I couldn't prove, so I just got to work until it was time for me to go to class. I emailed my boss asking if we could have a meeting, as there were some things I needed to discuss with her regarding the upcoming fundraiser, and she responded later saying that we could meet the next day.

 

The next day, I get back to the office, and I noticed that all of my files and the whole room containing the giveaways has been completely rearranged. She was late by an hour and a half to our meeting. I asked her about the files and the room, and she exploded on me, yelling at me in front of a couple other student volunteers about how disorganized I was, how messy, etc., and how she spent all these hours organizing the room after I had left. But the thing is, the room and files WERE organized. The only "mess" there was was a stack of about 3 boxes in the corner that I had nowhere to put the contents at because all of the other shelving was being used. I brought this up to her, and I told her that it wasn't fair because I had no idea that she was so dissatisfied about how it was organized, and that if she had simply said something to me first, I would have rearranged it differently.

 

She then changed the subject and told me that I needed to "step it up," to which I replied by telling her that I have- (because I really, really have been working my ass off for this fundraiser.) After this, she then asked me if I thought she was happy in her position, to which I replied that I didn't know, and I didn't see how that pertained to how I had organized the room and the job I was doing. (I meant that in a polite way.) Then she revealed to me that she had been expecting me to take over her position, but since I was only doing the job in my department (which IS my job...) that she no longer thought me qualified.

 

At this, I told her again that I wasn't interested in her job, and that I'd be graduating too soon anyway. I told her that I was sorry I was somehow not living up to her expectations, but also that I have been doing my job and my job only AND putting a lot of effort into my job, and that I didn't realize that she had apparently expected me to start doing other things. (Though, I still fail to understand exactly what these "other things" were that she wanted me to do... and I still don't understand how her rearranging my files and the stockroom were supposed to teach me any sort of lesson.)

 

A day later, she ended up apologizing and saying it wasn't right, and that she felt I was doing a decent job in my department, but I still don't trust her. I feel like she only apologized because I refused to take it from her, and that it's only a matter of time before she'll start some new campaign. I have seen her single out other students in the organization, compile a list of complaints about them, with much of the information being untrue or taken out of context or even hearsay, gossip about the person to other members, but never actually tell the person in question anything until it becomes this whole blown out ordeal and she's gotten other members pitted against her target. She'll pick "favorites" who can get away with murder, but others will have a whole passive-aggressive fury leashed onto them if they so much as breathe the wrong way. And the worst thing is that we have no recourse when this happens, because there's no HR department to file any complaint with. And if anyone were to raise an issue within the student group, she'd probably just kick us out or it would just become too unbearable to stay. And it's a student group- a bunch of kids, so the turnover is really high and nobody would really give a damn unless they were being affected directly.

 

I am just so frustrated. I get small panic attacks as I'm coming in to work. Since this happened, any sort of enjoyment and pleasure I had working for a good cause has just been killed for me. Now it just seems so backstabby and I'm afraid I'll do one little thing without knowing and somehow piss her off again.

 

I really don't know what to do. How do I handle this situation? I've already decided that next semester will my last with the group. I've already taken on so much that if I left any sooner, I'd really screw over the organization, which I don't want to do.

 

Thanks for reading. Any advice would really be appreciated.

[quankanne]

because it is a student-run organization, there might be a faculty advisor involved. If so, air your concerns, but keep them detached and factual, not dramatic, and explain that you feel this woman is upset with you for not agreeing to take over her position when she graduates, but you feel it wouldn't be doing the school OR organization justice by saying yes for only one semester.

 

you can also check with the university's dean of students or even their HR person to see how to best handle this. Chances are, you'll have to take the bull by the horns and state your case while acknowledging her disappointment. As in, "I'm truly flattered/honored that you want me to step in after you leave, but my biggest concern is that because I'm set to graduate a semester after you, I could be hurting the organization more than helping. I feel we need to look at someone who'll be in place after *I* graduate, too, and with both of us working together, we can train an incredible replacement for you."

[pureinheart]

Will this affect your grades, or anything that could alter your future, if not I would shine it on.

 

You will deal with bullies all of your life, and this is a good opportunity to learn to choose your battles wisely. If it will affect you directly, fight with everything you've got...if not, let it go:)....as life is too short.

Edited October 7, 2010 by pureinheart

[denise_xo]

Sounds like she's just very immature and unprofessional. If I were you, I'd just keep focussed on the job and build some alliances with other colleagues. Keep a record of the work you do and its relationship to your job description in case you need it in the future. When you receive instructions from her, write down what she said and if she tries to pull the 'I told you to...' then throw her previous instructions back at her. Don't engage in mind reading games.

As quankanne said, there must be someone responsible at a higher level should you need it? E.g. a student union? Who does this woman report to?

[2sure]

You are getting paid, she is getting paid. Someone needs to made aware of this. This is definitely a HOSTILE work environment. To be perfectly honest, in my personal experience bullies like this are dealt with most effectively first hand...but thats me and its not for everyone. Also, I am older and it took some time to learn to deal with this type. If you feel you cannot stand up and tell her to back off, you have 2 choices:

 

1. The right thing to do, to protect yourself as well as the effectiveness of the organization is report her as having created a HOSTILE work environment. Even if "reporting" her is actually you simply asking someone in authority how you can best deal with this problem. Its a school. Its a temp position. Its funded in part by school finance or grants. There is a responsibility here. ESPECIALLY if this cow has the ability to fire people. Then, the situation is not only Hostile but Threatening. Its against the law.

 

2. You can choose to ignore it. In the event you really do not want to confront her yourself, and you also do not want to pursue getting guidance from someone in authority over there...take this and use it as a learning experience. Embrace it. This WILL happen in the future when you are working professionally. Observe which of her leadership skills work and which do not. Meanwhile, dont EVER let her see that you are intimidated by her, dont let her see you get shaken up. A small polite , nearly amused smile while she criticizes or berates will go far to show her up or put her over the edge. Next time she raises her voice or brings in the drama in front of others...you tell her:

 

I want to be effective in this position and I want to cooperate with your directives. Please put them in writing so that this does not happen again.

[jean-luc sisko]

I think learning relaxation techniques and reflection will help.

[totallyjen]

I think learning relaxation techniques and reflection will help.

 

Believe me, I have tried that, but thanks. Although relaxation techniques might help, it definitely does nothing to keep a tyrannical, control-freak boss from being just that.

[totallyjen]

Thanks, everyone. Yes, we do have a faculty advisor, but he is very new, very young, and he also happens to be in a band with my boss' boyfriend. I have a feeling that if I were to bring anything up to him, it would just create a backlash with her that just wouldn't be worth it.

 

We have another guy who works for the college that serves as a liaison between our group and the college, but he actually ignored a complaint filed against this girl last year. Since I plan on leaving the position next year, I think I'm just going to try and ride it out.

 

It's just really, really frustrating. I'm just going to keep low and do as good of a job as I can so she has nothing to hold against me. And I'm going to take the advice of writing everything down she tells me to do, so she can't turn around and throw any crap at me, (as much, at least).

 

Even now, she was supposed to send me a file two weeks ago that I really, really need, and she has yet to respond to any of the emails I sent her last week and this week about it, and she's been curiously absent during my office hours. This is something that I NEED to do my job, and is preventing me from getting it done.

 

Ugh.