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I can't stand my boss who can't stand me

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Old 14th August 2003, 5:28 PM   #31
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Angry document, document, document

god, it sounds awful, you have my empathy, i've been there as gift wrap girl, except mine was under-the-table, so i could not even complain.

don't talk to manager. instead, write all conversations and events down, as exactly and accurately as you can remember. write it down every day, keep a journal of it. even if it never comes to anything, according to my lawyer friends, documentation is intimidating and having it is over 70% of the battle.

the triplicate is mightier than the sword.

if you ever get fired you can sue the lousy gits for at least a year's salary, and the journal is a good way to calmly reflect on the day's events and realize you can't take shzzt like this personally - it's the nature of these businesses to oppress their workers, both economically and emotionally.
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Old 14th August 2003, 5:31 PM   #32
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She is so miserable with herself and enjoys putting me down to make herself feel better

bingo, Patty -- she makes you miserable so she doesn't have to be. But, you don't have to play her game if you're not interested.

Stay polite, but keep your distance. If she complains about stupid little things, just go back and work twice as hard but don't say anything. And if she tries to get you upset by staring at you, walk up to her and ask if there was anything she needed (it's called killing a person with kindness) because you noticed her looking your way. Or just stare her back down. This will show her that she cannot cow you, and she'll find someone else to make miserable.

my motto is, "you can be a jackass around me if you want, but piss me off, and I'll be a bigger jackass than you AND embarass you in the process!"
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Old 14th August 2003, 5:48 PM   #33
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Thanks for the replies and wonderful ideas you all have.It really helps.

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Old 1st September 2003, 10:39 AM   #34
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Quankanne, that was really brilliant advice, I'm actually going through a similar situation and you've helped me there too!! Thank you!

Patty, I really hope it all works out for you, I know how you feel. Good luck!
*If it's for you, it won't pass you by*

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Old 1st September 2003, 12:55 PM   #35
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Excellent advice Quankanne!

Patty, no matter where you work (unless for yourself) you will always run into one or two of these females in the office. I apologize in advance to my gender!

Chances are, everyone else in the office has already pegged these trouble-makers and pay little attention to their constant gripes, anyway. Just go about your business and only deal with your nemesis when you have to. Remain pleasant and polite..."kill her with kindness" as Quankanne suggested, but whatever you do DO NOT let her know that she is getting to you. And don't go out of your way to hide from her either. Treat her as if you are the more "professional" employee, the more mature adult, because in fact you are!

I know, from experience, that eventually the only thing she will succeed in doing is making herself look like a fool.

Of course, I am still left wondering how these individuals ever make their way into management positions in the first place??
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Old 12th September 2003, 5:15 PM   #36
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well Im doing a little better but still not good

Today at work,I felt very anxious but kept telling myself to not pay attention to this manager that trys to irritate me.Ok,so heres what happens.Today I had a break, cause I got finished my work.I didnt get anything to eat on my own, cause the manager that irritates me ,would of gave me a dirty look.So I went and sat down with this other girl, that was on her break too and she offered me something to eat.So she went and got me something to eat plus, got me a drink.So as I stood there waiting this manager I dont like, gave me a dirty look, as if. I did something wrong.I felt bad accepting to get myself something to eat, cause I knew she would do this.I try not to look at her and she gets even more mad.

When I ignore her,she makes herself look even more stupid.

I still wish I could go in to work and not feel scared of her.I try not to look scared.

Why she gives me those looks,I dont know.I try so hard not to let her bother me.And she gets even more aggravated.Im just afraid I will get so frustrated that I will report her.If I do she wont like it and will dislike me even more.How she ever became a manager,I dont know.At least the other managers, are very pleasant and are nice to me and she hates the fact that they are nice to me!

I just wish I didnt have anxiety attacks before I go to work.I have stomach problems cause Im so nervous all the time.


Oh I have another idea too.The next time she starts her staring at me Im going to say this."I think I see a hawk watching me!" hawk! hawk! hawk! hawk! Im going to do this when shes near me.


Last edited by Patty; 12th September 2003 at 5:19 PM..
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Old 12th September 2003, 5:26 PM   #37
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Silly Girl......


The next time this manager is staring at you.....turn and look directly at her and say "What?" Why don't you turn the tables on her without you saying "hawk, hawk...." that's just silly.

Wether she likes or dislikes you is not the reason why you are an employee at this company right? You are there to work....not to make friends, always remember that!

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Old 12th September 2003, 11:57 PM   #38
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Threads merged

I've merged the threads about this particular boss into one. There was also a discussion in the Archive from the old forum available here.
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Old 17th September 2003, 12:15 AM   #39
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now lets be honest do any of you really like your boss, or do you do as I and suck everything in to the core.. and just do your job as best as you can, and go home without feeling out of place, etc.

Bosses are just that in charge of a certain business/company,etc. Don't let them ever get in your way, or make you feel out of place.

"There are three truths: my truth, your truth, and the truth.”
Proverb - “Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.”
“Life is made up of marble and mud.”
- Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864)
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Old 17th September 2003, 7:25 AM   #40
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If it makes you feel any better...

I worked in Telemarketing for exactly two weeks the summer I was 18. I was supposed to be selling carpet cleaning services over the phone. Not only did the work suck -- I had people scream at me to stop bothering them, I had elderly people who couldn't understand who I was or why I was calling them -- but the manager was also horrific.

She would scream at everyone to end their calls and then berate us one by one. "You ****ing bunch of morons! Allison had one sale in the last hour. One sale! And you Cathy, you didn't have any! How ****ing lazy can you be? You are all ****ing babies! I can't believe none of yous can make a G-d---n sale!"

Then at another job later, on my third day at work, a colleague came in and saw what I was doing (sending a large fax), ripped it off the fax machine, threw it on the floor and yelled, "NEVER send a FAX of more than TEN PAGES! Are you retarded???" I was 22, it was my first "real" job...and I ran into my boss' office and started bawling.

Because I started crying, she continued to treat me as cruelly as she could. She'd come up to me and hiss, 'What're you going to do now, run into Mr. Frank's office and cry like a baby?" This woman was in her THIRTIES!!!

I would never let anyone treat me like that now (but, on the other hand, I would never treat anyone like that either. Now I'm 31 and I'm the director of a large company -- God only knows where those two terrible women are these days). Try to be strong -- if your boss is cruel, she loves the fact that she can upset you.

If you really can't handle it, there are probably other places you can work. Fast food places usually have a pretty high turnover of employees, don't they? I for one left the telemarketing position and got a job at a video arcade and LOVED it. I worked there during summers when I was in college. I was great friends with everyone working there and the customers, too. It was a pleasure to go to work (well, usually, anyway).

Can you find a different job? I know you have some limitations, but maybe someplace like Walmart would be better for you.
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Old 17th September 2003, 4:24 PM   #41
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I worked at boring jobs and dead end jobs that sucked for over ten years, and finally I had had enough. I was getting $ 6.45 per hour, better than the minimum wage but it still sucked.

I quit the job and went on unemployment and told them to put me thru some computer training as I would rather stay on welfare then to apply for another cashier job where I had to work nights all the time and put up with the drunk people.

After 8 months of nagging and I do mean nagging, they finally paid me to go to computer training.
I ended up haveing to quit the training two weeks ahead of time to start a full time job.

I started at $ 8.50 then after three months got $ 10.00
After the first year I got $ 12.00 then the second year $ 13.42 and now
I am making $ 14.85 per hour

SO if you are unhappy go to the local unemployment agency and get them to pay for some training in a field that you will benefit from like computers or call center work.


Take it from someone who had been there and hated it .
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Old 1st October 2003, 9:57 PM   #42
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Sometimes two personalities aren't compatible. Maybe you're in the wrong company or the wrong field. Either way, it sounds like you need to find a new job. No paycheck is worth such stress.

The only other thing I'd suggest is that you possibly talk to him about setting up a meeting with him after work one day. Just ask him to set aside 30 minutes (either before or after, or maybe even during work hours) and just try to have a talk aimed at getting some sort of understanding between you two. Honestly, if he's a real leader, he'd do this himself, but since he's not, you should take the initiative.

If he agrees to the meeting, BE THERE! Don't change or make other plans later, or forget about it. Also, come prepared to both speak AND LISTEN! I would start by saying very carefully explaining that in your opinion you feel there is discord between you two and that you care enough about your job and the company to try to fix that problem. Tell him that that reason you wanted to talk was to be a better employee. If he's a good manager, he will listen to what you have to say. Now, once you've given your side of the story, you need to let him give his, and be prepared to listen to things you may not really want to hear. If he tells you that you're poor at time management or that you're organizational skills aren't good, don't say "You're wrong". Ask for some examples, and ask him for advice on how you can get better. If he points out that you're late for work or something like that (if that's true), then acknowledge it, take responsibility and give him your word that you'll do a better job in the future. In other words, you have to take some responsibility for this, too.

I'll tell you a personal story.

A few years ago, I moved to Florida and worked for this guy I knew before I left my old job. He and I were friends and he wanted me for the job. His office was in Ft. Lauderdale, but I worked out of my home near Orlando. At first things went great, but as time went by, I noticed this guy was unorganized as hell, and he didn't know what to do with me. So I spent a lot of time at my house with literally nothing to do. Now I did ask him from time to time if there was work that he needed me to do or if he wanted me to work on some special projects, but he never assigned anything major.

One day I get a call while I'm headed to Starbucks. He immediately starts bitching at me wondering why I haven't faxed him some materials and why I haven't called him that day. I was a little puzzled and I started asking questions, at which point he finally revealed that people on his board of directors were beginning to question what purpose I served and were wondering whether or not I should remain on Board. This was on a Friday.

The following Monday it got ugly. We got into a shouting match over the phone. Apparently, his Board had made it pretty clear that they thought I should either move to Ft. Lauderdale or be let go. Since I couldn't move, I knew what was next. And that Wednesday I was out of a job.

Sure I was pissed. I thought it was unfair. At the same time, I look back and realize I could have done more. I could have insisted that I do more work, but I probably enjoyed taking advantage of the situation I was in, and I paid a price for my complacency. My fault, nobody else's. That doesn't mean I think I was treated fairly, because on their end, I think more could have been done to salvage the situation. I think I could have been formally warned on had my probation extended. Whatever! The bottom line is that as an adult, we all have to take some measure of responsibility for what we do, or what we don't do. So even if you think you're right, chances are, there's still something you can do yourself to make the situation better. Lesson learned.
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Old 1st October 2003, 10:02 PM   #43
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Sorry, I thought the boss was a "him" and not a "her". Oops.
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