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Backstabber & brown noser have teamed up

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Old 27th December 2007, 8:09 PM   #1
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Backstabber & brown noser have teamed up

I work in a small team. I recently "fell out" with one of the team members (a lady who works very long hours including weekends and has no life ooutside of work - she also repeatedly talks about other members of the team in a negative light to other team members and the boss).

We fell out because she was overly obsessive about my work, watching me, asking exactly what i was doing, demanding i look at things she wanted done straightaway got to an extreme point when i had a word with the boss about this.

The boss listened to what i said - i gave examples of issues i had with her. The boss then told her EXACTLY word for word what i had siad about her.

Relations have been strained since.

Since this period she has now teamed up with another team member whom she recently HATED (she always badmouthed him - as the boss and him got along very well and the boss very clearly and very openly favoured him above the rest of us - despite the fact that this lady works weekends in pursuit of some recoginition!!!!).

Now they are always together.

I have lost my one "ally". she has teamed up with the sh*ttiest person alive, the snitchy one....even though she hated him for a year. I think she has realized that to get ahead she needs to suck up to him (he is way junior to her) and even if that means badmouthing me to him.

I feel betrayed by her.
and i feel fearful for my job as these 2 combined have a good relationship with the boss - whose attitude has really changed towards me.

I m angry at the boss because she should be neutral - instead she his listening and taking his one sided opinion on board.

she even rings him from her deathbed (when ill) - its like an affair....but somehow i dont think it is.

How do i protect myself???
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Old 27th December 2007, 8:15 PM   #2
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If your boss told a subordinate what you had to say in confidence, then I say add your boss to the list of enemies in the office.

I don't know what kind of place you work in, but it sounds terribly unprofessional.

I think you have two choices.

Either you take this lady out to lunch and try to remedy your relationship, since she seems to be the one who runs the office, or you find another job.
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Old 27th December 2007, 8:21 PM   #3
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i think this lady is a real dangerous b*tch. She built up a friendship with me to help herself. By building up this friendship she has portayed to the boss that she is "managing me" - this is my suspicion.

By befriending me she is in line for a promotion ( that and the ridiculous hours she works). I think she has always always been informing to the boss - she has built up a relationship with the boss of supplying information about us....

she has continously done this but i was too stupid to notice how 10 faced she is.

the boss allows her to feed info backabout us - she is the boss's eyes and ears. She has admitted that the boss asks for reports on us - my view on this is that she intiates this conversation and supplies the info regardless.

she is loose cannon.

She has now sold out by joining forces with him.
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Old 27th December 2007, 8:22 PM   #4
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also i have moved from too many jobs to move again.
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Old 27th December 2007, 8:30 PM   #5
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Go back and look at what you might have done differently. For example - if I have a problem with a co-worker, I address that co-worker directly and privately. I don't go over their head or behind their back or whatever. It doesn't have to be confrontational. Its just the best way to handle something because a good boss will ask a subordinate who comes to them "have you spoken to [name] about this?" You should be able to say yes, and this was the result - or no, because I'm just not comfortable with this and would like you to be my sounding board and support.

This lets the boss know that you are professional and that you are taking ownership of your job and of the company's well-being.

You could go back to this co-worker and apologize (I know this can be galling) but apologize for not coming to her first to discuss her concerns. You can say you like your work and the company and you don't want hurt or hard feelings to continue to develop because that's not good for any of your team personally or for the company. You may be able to go to lunch or something and discuss your concerns. Then approach the boss and tell him that you realize you should have spoken directly to her but that you have rectified the situation and that you hope everyone can put this behind them and move forward as a team.

It's hard to do that, but if you approach this professionaly and maturely than going forward you may have a better working environment and more job satisfaction than before. Plus, people like it when others approach them that way because it's not demeaning or confrontational and helps put others at ease and subtly forces them to be mature as well.

I am a supervisor - or "boss" to several people. We are human too and make human mistakes including playing favorites sometimes and we have our bosses too.

Good luck.
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Old 27th December 2007, 8:30 PM   #6
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Your boss shouldnt have spilled the beans to the employee about what you have said about her in complete confidence. I would go one step further and speak with Hr Dep. or whomever is over the manger.. I agree with the previous poster .. your manager was suppose to remain neutral about the situation.
Dont let your happenings upset your happiness
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Old 27th December 2007, 9:09 PM   #7
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would be interested to hear more from a supervisors perspective HokeyReligions.

I absolutely cannot go to HR - I really feel they are unremoved from a situation as they reel of useless policys that do not work in a situation like this where u work closely with people day to day .....its unworkable...

my issue is that whatever i do - she will inform the boss....she has a direct line to the boss.

the boss has really p*ssd me off here.she told her every single thing i siad - i know this because she has ridiculed me about this ....she has said on numerous occasions - i cant talk to you know because of last time...and even repeated things i told the boss!!!!!

basically what i got from this situation is that the boss is very unprofessional - i knew this from her relationship with the twerp she worships. i didnt expect this from her - she betrayed relationship with her has completly been tarred.

It seems that she can inform on all of us to the boss but when i tried to raise a genuine worry - the boss told on me.

i havnt played the informing game and i have been honest.....this is really the worst thing you can do in a corporate really is. nice people do not prosper.

im worried because she is close friends with the brown noser - whom the boss loves to death ( others outside of the department have noted that they have a special relationship).

now i have told the boss once - i feel i need to do this again and again ( like she does) as this is the only way to survive.........but it failed last time..........
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Old 27th December 2007, 10:24 PM   #8
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Read your HR policies and document everything. The HR policy should outline a path to follow if you have issues with people you work with and do not feel comfortable talking with - including people in HR.

My own boss talks to coworkers / subordinates and superiors alike / about others. Its not professional either, but that is how she is and we all watch what we say, no matter how chummy and friendly she seems.

When I moved into a supervisory role I was tasked with watching others and reporting on any trends I might see in behavior. Including people who seem to suck up to me. It only reflects poorly on them, IMO. But I also have had to step in and talk to someone when a complaint was lodged against them. I had to be honest about the exact complaint. I would expect no less information from my boss if someone lodged a complaint against me. I would also demand to know who was saying what. That way I could look to my own documentation for explanations, justifications, and guidance.

Its also a tricky position for a supervisor - it takes some training and practice to discuss something touchy without appearing elusive or taking sides. I've fallen in that trap before and had to be blunt and state that I would not give out any names until or unless I felt it necessary. That also puts subordinates off because it makes me seem unapproachable and can build resentment. In my case, thankfully, it doesn't come up often. If it did, it would reflect poorly on me too and my abilities as a team leader and team player.

You may have to just hide your resentment and go on as though everything were just fine. Don't distance yourself too much and don't be afraid to join in or be open or ask for others opinions or help - or offer help to others.

It is a job and forming a friendship at work is nice, but most people will protect their job no matter how close a friendship they may seem to have formed with you. I walked off a job once because of the way a coworker was treated. Many of us were treated the same but this one woman seemed to bear the brunt of it and even after repeated discussions, and documentation and HR involvement and support I just couldn't work that way and we both agreed to leave. She went back right away and talked some more with the boss and HR and she kept her job and stayed. I had to find a new job and we were never friends after that.

You might look into reassignment in the company if possible, but that has a negative impact too because it appears that you can't get along with people. Especially if they have been at the company longer or are seen as a better fit and a new boss will talk with the former boss.

Document everything. Make a plan of action for yourself. Set some goals on what you want to learn and accomplish professionally. Set time frames for those things. Think in terms of what will look good on your resume and what accomplichments you can list. Try to stick it out for a couple of years and then look for a new job. You can use those accomplishments and the time you have worked there to ask for reference letters when you leave - but be sure they won't backpeddle and give you a less than shining verbal recommendation. If you can do things for other teams or people in other departments then ask if you can use them as a reference after you leave. You don't want to let them know when you are looking and you can tell anyone you interview with that you do not want your current employer to know yet that you are looking.
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Old 28th December 2007, 4:03 AM   #9
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Hi Powered, there's a way to diffuse situations using humour, instead of going above someone's head. When you do this, it tends to alienate people, particularly ones that are politically astute enough to turn the tables on you. I'm not certain how you can feel betrayed, when in her eyes, you made the first "betrayal" by going above her head.

Consider this a learning experience on keeping your eyes and ears open, to get the lay of the land. Equitable treatment and perceived value, are two different things, where the latter will trump the former, from a management perspective.

Having said this, in order for your manager/supervisor to get someone off your back, they need to say who's back it is and why. They also need to discuss the situation with the other employee, who might have more perceived value and possibly some seniority over you. Also, if it wasn't defined that your conversation was to be kept completely confidential, your boss has no reason not to provide the other employee the ability to defend against any accusations leveled against them.
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Old 28th December 2007, 9:47 AM   #10
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Thanks - good points i will document everything.

the reason ii went to the boss is because she does not take criticism well - she would definetly blab to everyone that i confronted her and also she gets emotional over someone not getting her a cup of tea - she cried for that .....imagine how she would take this collection of complaints??

i went to the boss as a last resort. the situation was unbearable. she even used to mimick me when i called her - while others were lstening and that the work of a would be boss - does she deserve to be a manager just because she works all week - every week - all year? despite the fact that she has no people skills. the only thing i am glad off is that i made the point about her seeking a management role - on top of me and how inappropraite this is.....

now if the boss puts her in this role - she will have gone against my wishes and will knowingly put us both in an unworkable relationship.

also if she was my manager she would drive me insane - because she clock watches us all the time - this probably affects her work also - yet she still does it.

i am not politically astute - this is the issue,

how can i talk about what she does to the boss in a way that communicates the bad things she does without the boss telling her??? after all she does this EVERY SINGLE DAY about each of us with no comeback.

i used to gossip with her all the time - and talk out of i cannot stand her - which works agaisnt me because she has more knowledge over the work etc then me..........
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