boss keeping tabs of what i do in my own time

[NTYCE]

ok, heres the story, i was at the bar with some mates celebrating my birthday. one of my mates asks me if i knew a ***** ******, i answered yes, his my boss.

after a long discussion about my boss and how my mate knew him, he then told me that he has been asking him about me, and what i do in my free time.

this was all new to me because i didnt know that my mate knew my bosses son until now.

what should i do? im highly considering uping and leaving my job, but being a youth worker, i dont want to leave my kids/students so suddenly.

any advice plz?

[Chinook]

It does seem rather odd that he's asking about your free time. Do you know whether he's doing it in a friendly-get-to-know-you way, or in a scary-stalkery-creep type way...? If he hasn't spoken to you directly and it's not causing any problems at work, I wouldn't read too much into it just now. I'd wait and see if anything plays out. It might be that he just likes you as a person and is genuinely interested in what you do with your time. I think in this day and age, it's too easy to become suspicious of people and their motives. Sometimes people are actually just being interested and just being nice. I say you wait and see what plays out. If it turns out to be something that makes you uncomfortable, you can always talk to him and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Ideally, if you have a problem with the boss, he's the person you should really talk to about it if you can in a reasonable, calm manner.

[NTYCE]

i totally understand what your talking about, but what i cant get my head around is some of the questions he asks people about me..

do i do drugs, do i break the law, just very very odd questions like that.. some things may be a friendly-get-to-know you way, but these questions arent them

[playabum17]

i totally understand what your talking about, but what i cant get my head around is some of the questions he asks people about me..

do i do drugs, do i break the law, just very very odd questions like that.. some things may be a friendly-get-to-know you way, but these questions arent them

 

Well, considering you work with kids, maybe he is just looking out for them? Making sure that you are a good role model for them?

[Chinook]

Well, considering you work with kids, maybe he is just looking out for them? Making sure that you are a good role model for them?

That's what it sounds like to me. I think he's just using the opportunity of knowing someone you know to ensure he has a good worker on his team.

[NTYCE]

That's what it sounds like to me. I think he's just using the opportunity of knowing someone you know to ensure he has a good worker on his team.

 

which may sound fair enough, but here in australia, if we work with at risk children, we are subjected for drug tests monthly aswell as pass a police, security and criminal check every 10 weeks.

so i was doing something i wasnt spose to be doing, then i would lose my job.

and to get the job that im doing, issnt as easy as applying and getting it.. there are many tests and checks that need to be completed which is fair enough when i work for the education department.

 

but then please explain to me were my privacy act come into play? or is it because i work with at risk kids, i cant have a private life anymore?

[Chinook]

If that's the case then it does seem he's invading your privacy beyond the normal checks. So, maybe you need to talk to him about it and ask him why.

[Art_Critic]

i cant have a private life anymore?

 

I'm having trouble understanding where your boss asking a few questions about one of his employees has removed your private life ?

You sound like you are trying to hide something from him that might affect your job.

 

You need to grow a thicker skin and realize that in the business world sometimes it is hard to separate private and work when it comes to drug and alcohol use mixed with children

 

If you work with kids then he is doing his clients ( The Kids ) a favor by asking those questions..

 

That being said.. if he crosses any lines besides asking a few well placed questions then you need to have a talk with him about it..

[NTYCE]

I'm having trouble understanding where your boss asking a few questions about one of his employees has removed your private life ?

You sound like you are trying to hide something from him that might affect your job.

 

You need to grow a thicker skin and realize that in the business world sometimes it is hard to separate private and work when it comes to drug and alcohol use mixed with children

 

If you work with kids then he is doing his clients ( The Kids ) a favor by asking those questions..

 

That being said.. if he crosses any lines besides asking a few well placed questions then you need to have a talk with him about it..

 

yeh, but like i said, i do drug tests randomly every month aswell as police and all those other tests i mentioned. so when my boss goes behind back and asked these questions, its kinda invading my privacy

but like i said, should what i do in my private life matter to him? really.. think about all the drugs screens and police checks i do, does he still need to ask about me?

[Heavenly55]

He's just another nosey a*^$%$. But really though does he think anyone is gonna rat you out if you did do drugs and better yet how reliable is asking just any joe schmoe who happens to know you or knew you if you did them. Many people lie. If he's that concerned than how about drug testing. If you don't speak about your personal life at work it's eats away most people so then all of sudden you have something to hide or you're too secretive. He sounds like he needs to get a life imo.

[Art_Critic]

If that's the case then it does seem he's invading your privacy beyond the normal checks. So, maybe you need to talk to him about it and ask him why.

 

What kind of privacy is expected ?

An employer can run your credit.. do background checks, call all of your references and talk to past employers and well as coworkers.

They also can continue to check up you..

They can snoop in your email ( providing it is a company email addy ).

They can monitor your web access..

They also can monitor you with cameras.. GPS if you have company vehicles..

 

The only privacy that I know of that is guaranteed would be if he was harassing her at home..

She has a right to a private life..yes..but asking a few questions doesn't remove her private life..

 

She still has her privacy..

[Art_Critic]

yeh, but like i said, i do drug tests randomly every month aswell as police and all those other tests i mentioned. so when my boss goes behind back and asked these questions, its kinda invading my privacy

but like i said, should what i do in my private life matter to him? really.. think about all the drugs screens and police checks i do, does he still need to ask about me?

 

Maybe has reason to believe that you have been taking drugs and are thwarting the random drug tests..

If he suspects you of something ( founded or not ) is he supposed to just let it lie and not check up on you..

 

It probably really isn't anything.. but if he crosses anymore lines then you need to have a direct talk with him to get direct answers.

[Lizzie60]

yeh, but like i said, i do drug tests randomly every month aswell as police and all those other tests i mentioned. so when my boss goes behind back and asked these questions, its kinda invading my privacy

but like i said, should what i do in my private life matter to him? really.. think about all the drugs screens and police checks i do, does he still need to ask about me?

 

If you do drug tests every month and a police screening as well...why would he asks those questions. It doesn't make sense.

 

I don't think these questions are your 'private life'.. He has every right to know who he's dealing with cause you are dealing with kids.

 

This is not private life invasion... If he would ask something like what you do in your spare time, who you're going out with... these are private, not anything related to your work.

[Heavenly55]

What kind of privacy is expected ?

An employer can run your credit.. do background checks, call all of your references and talk to past employers and well as coworkers.

They also can continue to check up you..

They can snoop in your email ( providing it is a company email addy ).

They can monitor your web access..

They also can monitor you with cameras.. GPS if you have company vehicles..

 

The only privacy that I know of that is guaranteed would be if he was harassing her at home..

She has a right to a private life..yes..but asking a few questions doesn't remove her private life..

 

She still has her privacy..

Well I've never heard of a boss going around askng people if his employees do drugs. Really does it take a genius to know that this is a really an unrelaible way of finding out if a person uses drugs or not. He does drug testing like any normal company there's his answer. The guy needs to get a life. And yes it would piss the average person to know you're boss has nothing better to do with his time but worry what you do on your spare time. Once you leave the office it is your life and none of his business to begin with. And if my boss was asking me about any coworkers or what people after work do you really think I would give any info out..no..bc it's none of his business plain and simple.

[Lizzie60]

Well I've never heard of a boss going around askng people if his employees do drugs. Really does it take a genius to know that this is a really an unrelaible way of finding out if a person uses drugs or not. He does drug testing like any normal company there's his answer. The guy needs to get a life. And yes it would piss the average person to know you're boss has nothing better to do with his time but worry what you do on your spare time. Once you leave the office it is your life and none of his business to begin with. And if my boss was asking me about any coworkers or what people after work do you really think I would give any info out..no..bc it's none of his business plain and simple.

 

There has to be more, like Art said, I think he's suspecting something... We don't know the other side of the story.

 

It just doesn't make sense to me that, with all the tests and screening, he still asks those questions... there's got to be more.

[Art_Critic]

Well I've never heard of a boss going around askng people if his employees do drugs.

 

I'm a boss.. I've asked...but only after I had reason to believe that some equipment had been stolen by an employee.

 

How can you say he is just being nosy and needs to get a life ?..

She works with children..

If checking wasn't really a big deal in her line of work then she wouldn't be doing drug testing and police checks..

Isn't her having to do drug testing and police checks also a reduction of her personal privacy ?

 

Have you considered the fact that he may have a real valid reason to ask ?...

 

I think that if his asking is an isolated time frame then it is nothing more than him doing his do diligence as a boss..

If he continues to check then she should call him out on it and discuss why he is keeping her under his thumb so closely

[Heavenly55]

I'm a boss.. I've asked...but only after I had reason to believe that some equipment had been stolen by an employee.

 

How can you say he is just being nosy and needs to get a life ?..

She works with children..

If checking wasn't really a big deal in her line of work then she wouldn't be doing drug testing and police checks..

Isn't her having to do drug testing and police checks also a reduction of her personal privacy ?

 

Have you considered the fact that he may have a real valid reason to ask ?...

 

I think that if his asking is an isolated time frame then it is nothing more than him doing his do diligence as a boss..

If he continues to check then she should call him out on it and discuss why he is keeping her under his thumb so closely

that's great and all but like I said does he think any friend or aquaintance is really gonna rat her out even if she did. If I'm talking to someone who happens to bring up a persons name I know of or knew then outta left field starts asking me if they drugs and I know this person is a boss do you think I would openly be like oh yeah and start divulging this perons personal information..no never in a million years who would want to get themselves involved in something like that. And how reliable is hear say..you think that would even hold up in court..don't think so. And people steal for many other reasons other then drugs you know so jumping to conclusions that someone all of a sudden has a 500 a day drug habit is kinda stupid.

[Art_Critic]

And people steal for many other reasons other then drugs you know so jumping to conclusions that someone all of a sudden has a 500 a day drug habit is kinda stupid.

 

It just so happens that he sold the equipment to feed his cocaine addiction..

 

I not only am a boss but I own the company..

I have a right to jump to conclusions.. it is my business.. my property.. my responsibility.

A boss is much more than someone who tells other people what to do..

They have responsibilities too..

He has children under his responsibility..

 

If her boss was looking for evidence that would hold up in court he wouldn't be asking her friends questions..he would do it in a fashion that would hold up in court

 

I'll bet he has a nagging gut feeling and he is checkup up on it..

I haven't seen any thing the OP has mentioned that says he has affected her personal privacy.

 

Okay.. I'm done burning up her thread..

We will just have to agree to disagree then.

[norajane]

How well does your boss know this friend of yours? You said you had a long discussion with your friend about that - doesn't sound like they just met one day and your boss threw those questions at him out of nowhere. Perhaps they have a long-standing relationship of some kind, one where your boss would trust your friend to tell the truth that isn't caught on a drug test.

 

For example, alcohol doesn't stay in your system more than 12-24 hours. If you went on a bender Fri through Sat, your drug test on Monday wouldn't necessarily show up any alcohol. Amphetamines and cocaine also stay in your system only 1-2 days.

 

Also, police checks only show when you've been caught committing a crime, not if you actually have stolen something but were not caught...a friend of yours might know more about you than anything that was in the police checks.

[Lean On Me]

i totally understand what your talking about, but what i cant get my head around is some of the questions he asks people about me..

do i do drugs, do i break the law, just very very odd questions like that.. some things may be a friendly-get-to-know you way, but these questions arent them

 

Maybe he just wanted to get to know you better. Hey, I have had people that I have dated (friends I make too) ask me do I drink, do I smoke, do I take drugs, have I ever be in trouble with the law before.

 

The answer .. no

[NTYCE]

sorry guys, been at work all day..

umm to clear some things up, the drug tests and police checks is a normal routine, everything month and 10 months at work.. so its not something we get picked for, its part of the job.

as for any thing with me being in trouble with the law, my work will still find out, even if its a speeding fine, that could cost me my job, due to the fact that i drive a company car with children in it.

as for my "friend" i havnt known that person for that long, about a 2 years now, but i found out that they have known my boss alot longer.

i called my friend up this afternoon and asked them what questions my boss would ask, but everything time i asked, she would just change the subject.

some of the questions i managed to pull from her were,

"where does she hang out on the weekend?",

"who does she go out with?",

"does she do anything she's not ment to be doing?" and even

"do you know who she goes home with?"

i tried to get more questions that was asked, but the subject changed everything, even when i tried emailing, i never got a reply to what i had asked. which got me thinking even more.

i spoke to a work colleague about how she felt about the situation, and she was very shaken about it too, ive known my work colleague for 4 years now, and we are very close, close enough for her to ask me to be her daughters god parent.

even she is feeling something wierd about our boss.

[littlekitty]

You haven't said if it's possible he suspects you of something?

 

What is your gut telling you about why he's asking these questions? It is work related or something else? What feeling are you getting about it all?

 

Perhaps it's just best to approach him and ask what his interest is?

[amerikajin]

A boss is free to hire and fire at his pleasure; likewise, nobody's forcing an employee to work.

 

A certain amount of curiosity comes with the territory - I don't have a problem with someone who's just naturally inquisitive. But if I ever got the sense that a boss of mine were being nosy and trying to monitor my life away from work, I'd be out of there in a heartbeat. My job is my job, and I have a private life away from that which I defend fiercely.

[Trimmer]

Maybe has reason to believe that you have been taking drugs and are thwarting the random drug tests..

If he suspects you of something ( founded or not ) is he supposed to just let it lie and not check up on you..

 

A boss is much more than someone who tells other people what to do..

They have responsibilities too..

He has children under his responsibility..

 

If her boss was looking for evidence that would hold up in court he wouldn't be asking her friends questions..he would do it in a fashion that would hold up in court

No, actually, if he were truly executing his responsibility to "the children", then he would know that he's not the best person to investigate for evidence. Investigation is the responsibility of the police, and there are already checks and monitors set up for that purpose, which he could alert. He should be passing along any information he has to them, so that they can do a proper investigation. If he stumbles about and starts investigating things himself, he could actually screw up or impede a "proper" investigation, and if his concern is really for 'the children', that would be profoundly irresponsible.

 

It probably really isn't anything.. but if he crosses anymore lines then you need to have a direct talk with him to get direct answers.

And who gets to define where those lines are? AC, do you ask a potential female employee if she is planning to get pregnant soon? Ask a male employee how many children he has at home? I don't know that these were laws, but we had some pretty strict HR policies when I was doing interviewing.

 

Look, any private citizen can "ask" anyone they know anything about anyone else they know, and information volunteered is fair game. It's all just conversation. So there's probably no recourse you have for your boss, as a private person, asking about you. The question for you is, does it affect your opinion of your boss, in his role as your employer, sufficiently to make you want to leave, or take some action (i.e. talk to him.)

 

some of the questions i managed to pull from her were,

"where does she hang out on the weekend?",

"who does she go out with?",

"does she do anything she's not ment to be doing?" and even

"do you know who she goes home with?"

i tried to get more questions that was asked, but the subject changed everything, even when i tried emailing, i never got a reply to what i had asked. which got me thinking even more.

Like I said, as a private person, there's nothing illegal about asking this kind of stuff, but I don't know whether his role as private person overlaps any legal role as employer, and if he has any obligations or limitations as an employer relative to this kind of questioning. I think when it starts to get down to "who she goes home with", it's getting awfully personal - and those are only the questions that the person was admitting to before changing the subject.

 

If he has suspicions that run deep enough to require asking these kinds of questions based on the safety of "the kids", he should have turned it over to authorities long before this level of investigation. Otherwise, it's getting creepy.

[Trimmer]

I'm having trouble understanding where your boss asking a few questions about one of his employees has removed your private life ?

You sound like you are trying to hide something from him that might affect your job.

I meant to address this comment above - I don't accept the old "you only need privacy if you have something to hide" argument. I don't want to derail this thread with discussions of government phone taps and monitoring of private citizen Emails - I'll keep it to employer/employee relationships - but I do reject this "something to hide" argument with respect to employer/employee boundaries.

 

Someone who asserts reasonable boundaries does not automatically have something to hide.