Taking advantage of someone

[mortensorchid]

I was thinking about this on some levels in the last few days/weeks. I have had a lot of bad OLDs in the past (who hasn't) but I was thinking about a specific situation that I seem to encounter quite a bit. And that is men who are passive or weak. Often times I meet a man who just has a "whatever", "I have no preference ", "whatever you want" attitude. I'm sure they have it with others not just me, but you have to wonder sometimes how and why.

 

Many years ago, I took advantage of someone in this situation. I met him on a dating website and we met for dinner somewhere (I chose the place), and I could tell within minutes that he was a weak, passive person. I asked what he did for fun, he said nothing. I asked why he chose the website and what kinds of experiences he had had with it, he said he needed something else to do other than play cards with his buddies. He broke the 48 hour rule (he didn't call or text within 48 hours) but he called 4 days after the get together and asked to see me again. I said yes. We would meet every Sunday night for 6 weeks, I got 6 free dinners out of him and he never even bothered to tell me his last name. Whenever I asked him how things were he said "boring", "nothing", etc. Since I was on the same website, I was seeing other guys of course. Was he? I have no idea, but I took advantage of him for free food. He probably got his credit card bill the next month and decided not to call me again.

 

Do I feel guilty about this? Somewhat, I could have nipped it in the bud and said "you and I are not compatible sorry", but ... I didn't. He probably realized it after a bit, but did he change? Probably not. This is rather sad. Just an observation.

[Happy Lemming]

I have had a lot of bad OLDs in the past (who hasn't) but I was thinking about a specific situation that I seem to encounter quite a bit. And that is men who are passive or weak.

 

I have a working theory, that the men on OLD have no confidence; otherwise they would be meeting women in real life. In they had confidence, they would be able to walk up to a woman in a bar/pub, introduce themselves and attempt to start a conversation.

 

Without confidence they are passive and weak.

 

Again, just a working theory.

[chillii]

l'd say that theory is total bs and if it was right then that'd go the same for the women on there too then.

They're full of all sorts , just like the real world.

And mc , maybe they just don't giva fk, and there's plenty of passive weak women out there , so what , just like 100s of other personalities.

l'll often be like that if l just have zero interest and l'd say that's more the situations.

And don't forget, interest or no interest can happen on sight, in seconds and you often know right there, it's a waste of time anyway.

 

Sounds more like frustration coming out to me women do it a lot.

Men are all this crap just because they don't move on it, but eh, they usually don't move on it if they have no interest.

[Mr. Lucky]

Do I feel guilty about this? Somewhat, I could have nipped it in the bud and said "you and I are not compatible sorry", but ... I didn't. He probably realized it after a bit, but did he change? Probably not. This is rather sad. Just an observation.

 

Don’t think you should feel guilty, if he showed up 6 weeks in a row i’d assume he got something out of it.

 

Does however seem like a waste of your time...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JuneL]

But what did you get out of going on a date with such a boring guy? I assume you didn’t just endure two painful hours in exchange for a free meal?

[Happy Lemming]

there's plenty of passive women out there

 

Women are traditionally passive and wait for a guy to walk up to them and ask them out.

 

In most social situations, the man approaches the woman. He introduces himself and attempts to start a conversation, first with light chit-chat and then attempts to ask her out for drinks or dinner, etc.

 

A "weak & passive" male can hide behind a keyboard or phone and attempt the approach and chit-chat phase without fear of a face to face rejection.

 

This is the logic behind my working theory you refer to as "BS".

[mortensorchid]

But what did you get out of going on a date with such a boring guy? I assume you didn’t just endure two painful hours in exchange for a free meal?

 

I was trying to remember now that you said that exactly what we talked about and I have no memory of it. I don't even remember his name, if we passed each other on the street I wonder if I would recognize him and he me. However, I took advantage of the situation for free dinners once I realized he was "not that into me". I doubt he could be into anyone or anything he was so boring.

 

But I wonder if he ever thinks of me at all and wonders why I was about. You have to wonder sometimes about people you meet in OLD and think "I wonder what (he/she) is doing nowadays", but you don't even remember their first names. Sad.

[todreaminblue]

I wouldn't date a guy unless i was genuinely interested....for me..and when i do date i like to pay for my own meal.....that way....no expectations other than to enjoy each others company and get to know each other.....or they buy the meal i get dessert or pay for the movie....i like to feel ...free....not paid for....but that's my issue....

 

i stay away from old....because i prefer to know the guy well i choose to date.....i feel i guess ...a bit safer that way.....deb

[major_merrick]

Women are traditionally passive and wait for a guy to walk up to them and ask them out.

 

In most social situations, the man approaches the woman. He introduces himself and attempts to start a conversation, first with light chit-chat and then attempts to ask her out for drinks or dinner, etc.

 

A "weak & passive" male can hide behind a keyboard or phone and attempt the approach and chit-chat phase without fear of a face to face rejection.

 

This is the logic behind my working theory you refer to as "BS".

 

 

Somewhat correct, except for one thing: Going out takes time and costs money. Lots of people just don't have the time outside of work to do much except stay alive and make sure the bills aren't late. So doing the chit-chat phase online is a great time-saving measure. It also helps to weed out the worthless ones by examining their basic info first. If you're in it for more than a quick bang, wouldn't it save time and effort to figure out if the person is your total polar opposite?

[Happy Lemming]

Going out takes time and costs money. Lots of people just don't have the time outside of work to do much except stay alive and make sure the bills aren't late.

 

If a guy doesn't have enough money to pay for a dinner date, now and then; he has no business dating, at all. If a guy wants to date, he has to have the ability to show a woman a nice time. I'm not talking a 5 star restaurant, but he has to be able to do better than McDonald's.

 

In my youth, I had $400 - $500/month set aside in my budget for dating. Even a cheap weekend was at least $50, I'm sure its much more, now.

 

If an individual's life is so stressed that they don't have time for a "getting to know you" coffee date or a "movie/dinner" date, then they don't have enough time to start and maintain a relationship. You have to have the ability to make time for a new significant other, even if its just a weekend type relationship, where you both work long hours during the week.

 

Just my two cents...

[Mr. Lucky]

However, I took advantage of the situation for free dinners once I realized he was "not that into me". I doubt he could be into anyone or anything he was so boring.

 

Do you also respond to those solicitations for financial seminars, usually involving a free dinner at a local chain restaurant?

 

Two things in common with your experience -

 

- complimentary meal

- 3 hours of your life you'll never get back

 

I'd rather watch Law and Order reruns...

 

Mr. Lucky

[alphamale]

so what? I have used women for sex and then dumped them in a few weeks...there is nothing wrong with using someone as long as you don't make it a habit

[Foxhall]

I was thinking about this on some levels in the last few days/weeks. I have had a lot of bad OLDs in the past (who hasn't) but I was thinking about a specific situation that I seem to encounter quite a bit. And that is men who are passive or weak. Often times I meet a man who just has a "whatever", "I have no preference ", "whatever you want" attitude. I'm sure they have it with others not just me, but you have to wonder sometimes how and why.

 

Many years ago, I took advantage of someone in this situation. I met him on a dating website and we met for dinner somewhere (I chose the place), and I could tell within minutes that he was a weak, passive person. I asked what he did for fun, he said nothing. I asked why he chose the website and what kinds of experiences he had had with it, he said he needed something else to do other than play cards with his buddies. He broke the 48 hour rule (he didn't call or text within 48 hours) but he called 4 days after the get together and asked to see me again. I said yes. We would meet every Sunday night for 6 weeks, I got 6 free dinners out of him and he never even bothered to tell me his last name. Whenever I asked him how things were he said "boring", "nothing", etc. Since I was on the same website, I was seeing other guys of course. Was he? I have no idea, but I took advantage of him for free food. He probably got his credit card bill the next month and decided not to call me again.

 

Do I feel guilty about this? Somewhat, I could have nipped it in the bud and said "you and I are not compatible sorry", but ... I didn't. He probably realized it after a bit, but did he change? Probably not. This is rather sad. Just an observation.

 

 

 

your first paragraph makes me smile, I am probably a little like that,

 

 

I hope I am not like what you describe in the second paragraph though!!

 

 

hmmn, yes I guess a lot of women are still old fashioned in that way, they like a bloke to be more decisive lead the way as it were,

 

 

they don't want a meek chap apologising for his own existence.

 

 

anyway the company must not have been that bad when you kept going back for dinners??

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I was thinking about this on some levels in the last few days/weeks. I have had a lot of bad OLDs in the past (who hasn't) but I was thinking about a specific situation that I seem to encounter quite a bit. And that is men who are passive or weak. Often times I meet a man who just has a "whatever", "I have no preference ", "whatever you want" attitude. I'm sure they have it with others not just me, but you have to wonder sometimes how and why.

 

Many years ago, I took advantage of someone in this situation. I met him on a dating website and we met for dinner somewhere (I chose the place), and I could tell within minutes that he was a weak, passive person. I asked what he did for fun, he said nothing. I asked why he chose the website and what kinds of experiences he had had with it, he said he needed something else to do other than play cards with his buddies. He broke the 48 hour rule (he didn't call or text within 48 hours) but he called 4 days after the get together and asked to see me again. I said yes. We would meet every Sunday night for 6 weeks, I got 6 free dinners out of him and he never even bothered to tell me his last name. Whenever I asked him how things were he said "boring", "nothing", etc. Since I was on the same website, I was seeing other guys of course. Was he? I have no idea, but I took advantage of him for free food. He probably got his credit card bill the next month and decided not to call me again.

 

Do I feel guilty about this? Somewhat, I could have nipped it in the bud and said "you and I are not compatible sorry", but ... I didn't. He probably realized it after a bit, but did he change? Probably not. This is rather sad. Just an observation.

 

How do you know you weren't used for companionship? As in, just someone to have a night with? Even if the conversation was boring, or uninteresting, how do you know he wasn't working on anxiety issues or something and you were just cheaper than a hooker/therapist? As in, the price of a dinner.

 

Not trying to offend, you're probably a gorgeous woman and I would have certainly hit on you, aggressively I might add, but there's always more to the story.

[preraph]

Do you also respond to those solicitations for financial seminars, usually involving a free dinner at a local chain restaurant?

 

Two things in common with your experience -

 

- complimentary meal

- 3 hours of your life you'll never get back

 

I'd rather watch Law and Order reruns...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm in this camp. You'd have to pay me to sit through dinner with someone who was bored with life and boring to be with unless I was living on the street and that desperate.