I just turned 30 and feeling...

[lolita888]

So I just turned 30 yesterday.

I wasn't really feeling much about it until now.

Suddenly I feel scared.

What life has for me?

Will things ever change?

 

Will I ever be happy?

 

 

I feel like nothing really much has changed and that I haven't done much or haven't really accomplished anything.

 

 

I have been the bread-winner in my family. So almost all of my earnings went into feeding them and providing them what they need and give them a comfortable life. But still... I feel like all of my hard worked has been for nothing. There's nothing I can show and be proud of.

 

 

And mostly. I am scared of what will happen to me once I can no longer work? If I lost my job?

I never thought of this before... but I do not want to become an old-maiden!

 

 

 

I am afraid of what's waiting for me.

What if in the end, there's nothing else for me but failure and more problems and suffering.

 

 

I don't know why I am posting this... but maybe just needed to vent this out or need to hear opinions to everyone who went through the same thing.

 

Have you guys went through the same thing? What did you do?

[dogloverof2]

I am 58 years old now and would give anything to be 30 again. Would I do somethings different in my life if I could turn back time, sure I would.

 

Don't focus on the "what if's" or "what you have or haven't done". Take life one day at a time and be thankful for that day.

 

One thing is for sure. Everyday will be different along with your feelings.

 

Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have done to provide for your family and yourself, and be grateful for the things you have.

 

Are there people out there maybe better off than you, sure there are but there are also people out there that would like to have your life.

 

Just my 2 cents....

[divegrl]

Happiness, joy, peace and bliss all come from within.

 

You already have all you desire. Infinite love is available right now in this present moment. Nothing of the this world will ever satisfy you.

 

A big turning point in my life was my Saturn return. Generally happens in ealy 30s depending on how the stars were aligned when you were born.

 

Sending peace my friend.

[basil67]

When you say that you're supporting your family, are we talking about grown adults here? Why do they need your support? It sounds awfully like you're putting yourself last.

[lolita888]

When you say that you're supporting your family, are we talking about grown adults here? Why do they need your support? It sounds awfully like you're putting yourself last.

They weren't adults (They are now)

They are 10 years younger than I. My brother is now married and has his own family. My sister is younger than us so I still have to sent her to school.

 

My father died and my mother was too weak (emotionally and mentally) to support us. So we had to get by with the little money that my father left us but it wasn't enough to provide for all of us. Me and my siblings were still going to school so... I had to work early (at 15) to support my self and help my mom in some expenses. It was tough for all of us.

 

 

 

When I finally graduated and got a job in a company, I worked twice as hard. I was able to feed my family. Paid for the bills. Sent my siblings to school and gave them what they need. I got promoted early on so my salary was higher compared to regular workers in my country. I was able to give them what they wanted.

Yes... you are right, there wasn't much left for me because I gave 80% of my salary to my mother. When recession hit in and our salary didn't increase, I slowly felt the need of my family for more money. So I gave 90% of my income to my mother.

That was my life for more than 10 years. I was mostly just thinking of how to make money. How to provide for my family.

I really left nothing for myself. And slowly... I did feel it. I was slowly getting tired and feeling empty and unloved.

I get tired of seeing the bills. Getting tired of hearing nothing but money. So I started to complain.

 

 

My mother slowly became stronger and wanted to help. So I opened a small business for her. It wasn't much and it was struggling often times and needed my support still but I can tell it is helping me now.

 

 

 

But I get frustrated at times of trying to be strong for all of them. I complain - especially when I feel like nothing's really happening. Nothing's really changing. Why are we still struggling? blah blah blah. My mother was still weak emotionally so she get hurt and cry every time I complain. I truly wish she was stronger.

 

 

But now that my 20's is over. And seeing that I didn't really accomplished anything (even though it started off as good) I am getting scared. That's why I told them my regrets. We should've bought a house with my mother. Where did my money go? I was pretty sure I earned a lot. But they didn't spend it wisely. So I started questioning but I get nothing but my mom crying. My brother telling me that I should think of the present, it is true we made a mistake handling finances but we still have time for all of that.

 

 

But still.... I am just scared of what the future holds for me.

I have experienced how it is to become very poor. I do not want to return to those times and experience those hardships again. But I feel like what's waiting for me is failure in life.

 

I had a problem with a MM who fooled me. But I couldn't afford to lose my job so I had to stay in the company seeing him everyday... it was a torture. And my company is firing some of their old workers... although I still don't feel like I am getting fire. I couldn't help but think. What will happen to me if I get fired?

 

And I never thought of this before, I was fine to grow old alone...until that MM did future faking with me...after that, I realized I also wanted to have a family of my own. But still even that... I felt that I will never get one that I truly want.

 

 

Anyways that was me... feeling scared of what the future holds for me. I wonder if this is midlife crisis? haha.

[amaysngrace]

My goodness, you’ve accomplished so much! You’ve kept a roof over your heads, provided education to your siblings, opened a business for your mother, managed to get promoted at your job and you see these things as nothing???

 

Honey these are things people triple your age would be proud of.

 

I think maybe it’s time you put yourself first. If you’re feeling like you’re being taken advantage of by family you probably are. Stop the enabling, cut back on their charity. They’re all capable beings. You mom probably only seems weak because you’re so strong.

 

You’ve done enough for them. Now it’s your turn. Your brother is right in regards to living in the moment. It’s 15 years later and rather than questioning what you’ve accomplished, which is A LOT, look to them to evaluate what they’ve accomplished in that same time. You don’t owe them anything, you’ve given them enough.

 

PS Your father would be very proud of you xo

[d0nnivain]

Birthdays that end in zero always send me into a tail spin. It's a decade change. Use it as a time for reflection. New decade, new you. You are coming into your own. You have accomplished so much; in all likelihood those skills will serve to propel you even farther forward. Once your sister gets out of school you will also be more free to explore & figure out the fun parts of who you are. It's an exciting new time for you.

[goldengirl11]

So I just turned 30 yesterday.

I wasn't really feeling much about it until now.

Suddenly I feel scared.

What life has for me?

Will things ever change?

 

Will I ever be happy?

 

 

I feel like nothing really much has changed and that I haven't done much or haven't really accomplished anything.

 

 

I have been the bread-winner in my family. So almost all of my earnings went into feeding them and providing them what they need and give them a comfortable life. But still... I feel like all of my hard worked has been for nothing. There's nothing I can show and be proud of.

 

 

And mostly. I am scared of what will happen to me once I can no longer work? If I lost my job?

I never thought of this before... but I do not want to become an old-maiden!

 

 

 

I am afraid of what's waiting for me.

What if in the end, there's nothing else for me but failure and more problems and suffering.

 

 

I don't know why I am posting this... but maybe just needed to vent this out or need to hear opinions to everyone who went through the same thing.

 

Have you guys went through the same thing? What did you do?

 

Hi Lolita,

 

Although I do sympathise, I would love to be 30 again (I turned 40 last year) and don't have a family of my own and am single too, due to making bad choices with men before I guess.

 

I hate living on my own also, yet people with families etc don't understand and pretty much say that I should appreciate my independence more.

 

I have been unemployed for over six months (I lost my long term job due to sickness with the NHS last year), but am due to start a full time job soon, which sure will be quite a shock to the system!

 

Yes it's been tough getting by on benefits (if with the odd tenner from my parents), but I'm sure you could cope like I have had to e.g receive benefits, child support etc, if it came to it. Might you have any friends with kids also, who might be able to relate better?

 

I hope I haven't been too judgemental and send you my best wishes.