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Little Regrets

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Old 20th February 2019, 12:29 AM   #1
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Little Regrets

When a recent regret crosses my mind, I fall into a rabbit hole where I find myself reflecting on insignificant regrets in my past. I have a list of them that run through my mind like I'm listening to the same album over and over again. This happens constantly and I find it weighs me down a lot. I know it's only human to feel regret but the insignificance of these regrets and the fact that I can't get past them really bothers me.

For example - My parents paid for my yearbook senior year of high school which my mom felt was a lot of money and because I didn't get to take senior pics like my classmates did and didn't like how my picture turned out, I never picked it up. The school sent out numerous reminders but I was too lazy to drive the 20 minutes out of my way to pick it up and the money was never refunded.

Another example - I had told my high school boyfriend that I didn't want to have sex until I was at least 18. When saying it, it was my way to push him away since I was not ready but it came up again as my birthday approached and I still went through with it even though, at that time, I was still not ready and our relationship was on the rocks.

These are just a few of the older memories that play over and over in my head. I'm 30 now so these were both from 12 years ago, and I'm quite certain I'm not the only one who regrets their first time... Why do these things weigh me down? Why can't I live my best life now without the burden of these past regrets that seem so silly now still hanging over me? Any suggestions??
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Old 20th February 2019, 12:55 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Cfgrace View Post
These are just a few of the older memories that play over and over in my head. I'm 30 now so these were both from 12 years ago
Seems like an unconscious strategy to avoid facing the issues in your life now. Are you in a situation presenting an especially difficult set of current problems? What resources do your have for discussing them?

I don't have to tell you possession of your high school yearbook has very little impact on your 30-yr old life. So those thoughts are obviously a placeholder, the question is - for what?

As always, time with a trained professional spent discussing these topics would be beneficial...

Mr. Lucky
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
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Old 20th February 2019, 1:18 AM   #3
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I can’t say that there are many things that hold me back as I get older... many things that seem significant at the time, feel less significant with the passage of time.

Is it unforunate that you don’t have your high school yearbook. Sure. But, I will tell you that I have all my high school yearbooks and I haven’t looked at any of them since... high school. In fact, I recently had to present my university degree for a new job and I was lucky to find it stored away in a box downstairs.

These kinds of things, in the bigger picture of life, are relatively insigificant IMHO. Life is about experiences, not things. You had the experience.

Your second example is a little more troubling. Sure, many people may regret their first time but that is a pretty significant thing for you to experience. If you are having difficulty, please do talk with a counsellor. It would be such a shame if you allowed a negative experience from your past to affect your future happiness...
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
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Old 20th February 2019, 8:43 AM   #4
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It's about developing good emotional quotients (EQ rather than IQ) Part of it involves forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Nobody is perfect. To let go of the yearbook thing, pay your mom back. When you stumble, remind yourself that failure is a growth opportunity. You learn from your mistakes.

I'm like you. I hold on to every little error & then become frozen. It's a hard way to live.

One of the things that has helped me is my faith. Going to confession & unburdening myself lets me go forward with a lighter heart.
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