Self Esteem Improvement?

[Logo]

I think my confidence in my abilities is at an all time low. My self esteem is in the gutter and although I’ve been putting on a fake smile and giving off an air of confidence, I don’t believe in myself or in my abilities.

 

I just don’t know where to start. I think I’ve always doubted myself, from the day I was born. A few decades later and its the same story. Sometimes I love other people more than I like myself.

[d0nnivain]

Therapy would be best but self help books with exercises to improve your self esteem help. Learning to recognize the little victories also helps. So does not being too hard on yourself.

 

 

Set some attainable goals & achieve them. Then you will have some success under your belt & you can build from there. For example, I have to meet certain benchmarks at work so tracking those & realizing that I met or exceeded them helps me to remember I can succeed. I'm back on a weight loss regime. I track my calories on an app & feel accomplished when I stay under my goal; plus seeing the pounds come off is a booster.

 

Yes, there are days when I don't make it. Yesterday for example I was about 250 calories over but I drank 2 sodas for 300 calories. Although I failed to achieve my goal, I got information about where my weaknesses are. On the days when I'm a bit short on my quotas at work I know I have to work harder the next day, although this week I'm giving myself a pass because I have the flu.

[Lotsgoingon]

I endorse therapy ... especially since this has been a life-long struggle for you. Probably some habit or way of thinking is involved that got started in your family growing up. Doesn't mean your parents were bad--just means somehow you learned to put yourself down.

 

A few other little steps you can take ... Start journaling and writing down or talking out your strengths. What are you good at? What do you like to do--hobbies, for work, for fun? ... Write or talk out during a walk or something ... what you are most proud about? What do you like about yourself? What have you achieved? ... What are some accomplishments you've had--no matter how small. At first, this might be cold, awkward and artificial ... but over time ... you will feel the strengths you have and embrace them. (Focusing on weaknesses is a problem a lot of people have.)

 

Another little step is to imagine talking to yourself with the compassion you would use to talk to others. Literally talk to yourself ... what if a friend came to you to say exactly what you feel, that you don't have esteem? ... what would yo tell that friend? ... Whatever your answer is, that's a good place for you to start--to apply it to yourself.

 

And therapy--definitely ... Cognitive Behavior Therapy with someone you really like but really any approach of therapy with someone who gets you and inspires you to change ... would work.

[Logo]

I'm overly critical of myself, even though my parents were nurturing and supportive and encouraging and have always been there for me.

 

It's more social. I didn't have friends growing up for reasons beyond my control, I won't get into here. So that left me with a sense of "lacking something".

 

I have changed since then. I have changed a lot. But there is some residual habit of self-criticism that I find hard to shed.

Edited January 6, 2019 by Logo

[GinON]

Hey, same boat!

You have to consciously work at it. I am pulling myself out of it in my 40s. ITs hard to do, especially when its ingrained so deeply. Start studying Cognitive Behavior therapy as one tool.

 

There are tools that are simple and free to use. Look into the mirror at yourself and tell yourself that you are worthy, valuable, etc. Whatever you want to improve. Do it a lot and say to yourself positive things out loud in your car, at home and keep dong it for months! Dont let up...it works even if it seems really goofy at first. it really does change you over time, because your mind doesnt know its you that is saying these things, it just hears positive reinforcement. You've been telling yourself the opposite all this time and believed it! Reverse the mechanism. Remember that no one else can make you feel better.... or worse!

It you that is deciding to feel the way you do.

 

 

Also read Brene Brown and watch her videos. She make a lot of sense dealing with shame.

 

Dont judge yourself, you didnt know how to grow up as a kid and how to be a self confident person. But take it from here on.

[basil67]

What are you good at?

[Logo]

I’m good at a lot of things. What I need to do is make a list of my skills, talents and accomplishments, things I’m good at and remind myself every morning and evening of them. Years ago I used to repeat a lot of positive affirmations to myself and I worked at it every day. They helped. Then I had a crisis and all the affirmations seemed useless and I didn’t have the energy or the will to repeat them to myself.

 

I need to get back to that and keep a daily list of my accomplishments, however small. I know it’s going to take work. On the one hand I want to put in the effort, on the other hand, there are days when I feel like I’m drained of all and any energy to put in that effort. It’s a constant ebb and flow.

[GinON]

Are you depressed? That is different than low self esteem but can compound it. Perhaps you should talk to your doctor?

[Geraltt]

Start something - anything - and recognize that, in the beginning, you're going to do it badly.

 

For instance, take up watercolour painting. Your first canvases are going to be awful. But so what? At least you're doing something.

 

See this: