How to work through subconscious belief that i'm unworthy of love?

[Hopeful30]

After lots of meditation, weed and trying to figure out what im doing to manifest zero love in my life, I realized that because of an abusive childhood, I still carry the subconscious belief of "If people really saw your true colours, they wont love you." This is of course only a product of what the abuser made me believe my entire life until about 20, so although I can intellectualize that this belief needs to change, I dont know how. How can you love yourself if you dont know what is love?

 

Other than expensive therapy, im not quite sure how to work to change this core belief (that I wasnt even aware of until a recent and beautiful experience with shrooms).

 

Im ready to work hard and revisit the dark past so I can make way for better things, and I would like to ask for your advice on how to do this.

 

Thanks

Edited October 29, 2018 by Hopeful30

[preraph]

You need to build your self-esteem and recreate yourself into someone you want to be. You can do that. Therapy would certainly be helpful, but most of them will first want you to not be getting high.

 

To build your self-esteem, you simply need to choose a path in life and start focusing on it and working hard to achieve your goals. Accomplishing positive things will make you feel better about yourself. Hard work will be good for you. Sounds like you have too much time off if you have time to get high a lot. Time to get busy and build a career and become the person you want to be. Just think of it as building your best self, the person you wish you were. Use whatever for inspiration. Right now, what you're doing is just anesthetizing pain. If you build a better person, you will feel better and not need to do that so desperately. Good luck. I think an abuse survivor's group would be a great resource for you, as well as possibly NA if you're leaning heavily on staying high. Google your local area and see if you can find a group or go online to a victims hotline and be patient and see if they can recommend something.

[Nadine123]

Hi,

 

as a person who has gone through a similar experience, I would say drop the weed and start dealing with your problems. I used to numb my pain with weed as well, and all it did was make me ignore the real issues.

 

Meditation, yoga, exercise, and reading really help. Take a break from dating as well if you're not already doing this. Improve yourself in every way possible and you'll start loving yourself.

 

It's a process, it won't happen overnight.

 

Good luck

[d0nnivain]

Not all therapists are created equal. Some are more affordable then others. Comparison shop. Consider going to a medical school to be treated by students with oversight from the professors.

 

Do go to the library & the bookstore. Read everything you can about overcoming abuse.

[elaine567]

I still carry the subconscious belief of "If people really saw your true colours, they wont love you."

 

Sounds like a variation of the "imposter syndrome".

[Mr. Lucky]

Other than expensive therapy, im not quite sure how to work to change this core belief

 

If it changed your life, wouldn't it be worth the expense ?

 

Mr. Lucky