I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I have always struggled w/having a social life. I end up attracting creeps like crazy. Now I've gotten used to them and just ignore them. One time we were visiting an old person home and this situation arose. I have nothing against old men or men in general and I'm usually super friendly towards everyone. One of residents commented "wow that dress is tight". Now if the guy said, I like your dress or something along those lines, I would have thanked him and prob struck up a conversation. I ended up just walking away, not saying anything. Later my parents said how indicative my behavior was of not being able to make friends and that was absolutely hurtful. I'm not so desperate that I'll take attention from some creepy person. I was kind of like wtf? Have you ever experienced this? I have volunteered w/old folks and enjoyed every moment of it. Sometimes when I tell my parents about creeps, they tell me "oh, but they are prob just being friendly". Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I would just tell them thanks for their concern but you'd rather make friends closer to your own age and not based around the tightness of your dress. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I agree with Pete. The comment that man made to you was rude and I'm surprised your parents would even want you to entertain such a man. Why would you want to give attention to an old, rude man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 I agree with Pete. The comment that man made to you was rude and I'm surprised your parents would even want you to entertain such a man. Why would you want to give attention to an old, rude man. Exactly! Plus I didn't say anything to him or do anything other then walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 My parents had lousy taste in friends. Some of their friends were awful. When I was under age if one touched me or grabbed me & I reacted, my parents would stick up for me. As an adult they acted like I should have managed their friend's horrible behavior better. One of their "friends" started a brawl at my bridal shower resulting in me getting injured & my parents had the audacity to demand I honor the woman's invite to the wedding. I was like hell no. If you are uncomfortable, there is a reason for it. Never let anybody guilt you into putting up with unacceptable behavior. I don't care how old you are; your advanced age does not give someone license to be perverted. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) WAS your dress fitted? If so, his comment was accurate. Lots of the residents in nursing homes have lost their ability to filter. We took my dear, kind father in law out to an event and he was loudly saying the most cringe worth things about others and their disability/race. My friend's mother (while she was still able to speak) would loudly criticise the weight of the nursing staff. She would never have done this if she had had her wits about her. Dementia does this to a person. I think it's wise to try and not judge those who no longer have the ability to filter. Edited July 9, 2018 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I give some leeway to people who might not be in full control of themselves, but I don't have to be subjected to it. You did fine by quietly walking away. No more and no less was warranted. In other situations with creeps...I prefer a healthy dose of biting sarcasm. I work around a lot of guys, so I've developed a way of usually having a witty comeback or playful put-down. I have noticed that other people's creepiness or tendency toward inappropriate comments has been significantly reduced since my pregnancy became noticeable. Of course I have to field a lot of "When's it due?" comments, but the creep factor isn't as big. Of course, never let someone touch you. A hearty slap is the right medicine for handsy types... Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 I've volunteered at nursing homes since I was a child, and I've had (and still enjoy) friendships with significantly older people (two of my friends are nearly 40 years older). Dementia can cause a loss of social calibration, but some young creeps age into being old creeps and will deliberately try to push boundaries with staff; I've experienced it and witnessed it plenty of times. Regardless of what motivated the comment, it was fine to either walk away from the interaction or make it clear that the comment was inappropriate if you know that they're in control of their faculties. As for your parents' comments, take them with a large dose of salt. It sounds like you're becoming more confident in your boundaries and that's a great thing. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 When my dad was in his final year and wound up in a home, there was once a time when an attractive aide came in and he turned to me and said..."Jeez, man, look at the ass on her"!!.... I turned to her and apologized profusely...She shrugged it off and had no issue with it...She says these old geezers do it all the time and as long as they don't touch her, she doesn't really get bent about it...She even looked back at us and smacked her own ass as she walked out of the room.. I think what a lot of people don't realize is these guys grew up in a time when cat calling wasn't the mortal sin it is now...Maybe that's why the parents of the OP thought she over reacted...I dunno... All in all, the OP did the right thing....It wasn't anything to jump up and down about...just ignore it and move on... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 When my dad was in his final year and wound up in a home, there was once a time when an attractive aide came in and he turned to me and said..."Jeez, man, look at the ass on her"!!.... I turned to her and apologized profusely...She shrugged it off and had no issue with it...She says these old geezers do it all the time and as long as they don't touch her, she doesn't really get bent about it...She even looked back at us and smacked her own ass as she walked out of the room.. I think what a lot of people don't realize is these guys grew up in a time when cat calling wasn't the mortal sin it is now...Maybe that's why the parents of the OP thought she over reacted...I dunno... All in all, the OP did the right thing....It wasn't anything to jump up and down about...just ignore it and move on... TFY The biggest thing that bugged me w/this situation is what my parents tell me. I'm already self conscious about feeling left out and socially awkward, that these statements make me feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Presuming you're an adult, your parents hold no court over you. Nor are they required to defend you or stick up for you. Sucks I know. Spent a lot of time in LTC and got diddled by my own mother as a caregiver after she went nuts. One learns to adapt. Disconnect. Process. If things aren't working out with the parents, set some boundaries or disconnect them. I'll bet your outfit was just fine. Sometimes old people only have a mouth left and that's what they use. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 You're at an age you should understand old people suffer from all sorts conditions that took away their filter and judgement. You smile, say have a nice day, and walk away. My father has always been a good man but since he had his big stroke he lost his filter. One instance he was with my mom at the grocery store and they ran into a neighbor. He told the neighbor 'wow you got big'! My mom was SO embarrassed!! but she couldn't do much, she simply apologized to the lady and whispered to my dad it's not nice to say these things outloud. Five minutes later my dad had forgotten the incident. Your parents may not have used the proper communication with you but I am sure what they meant is try to mature into someone that is aware that people may be creepy because of illnesses and they don't deserve to be treated rudely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 I have always struggled w/having a social life. I end up attracting creeps like crazy. Now I've gotten used to them and just ignore them. One time we were visiting an old person home and this situation arose. I have nothing against old men or men in general and I'm usually super friendly towards everyone. One of residents commented "wow that dress is tight". Now if the guy said, I like your dress or something along those lines, I would have thanked him and prob struck up a conversation. I ended up just walking away, not saying anything. Later my parents said how indicative my behavior was of not being able to make friends and that was absolutely hurtful. I'm not so desperate that I'll take attention from some creepy person. I was kind of like wtf? Have you ever experienced this? I have volunteered w/old folks and enjoyed every moment of it. Sometimes when I tell my parents about creeps, they tell me "oh, but they are prob just being friendly". Your parents are either desperate to get you married off or just stupid idiots encouraging you to be nice to men commenting on your tight dress. It sounds to me like your parents have no boundaries. You follow your instincts. Do NOT be nice to creeps and inappropriate people. Shun them Link to post Share on other sites
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