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Starting over

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Old 24th May 2018, 1:52 PM   #1
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Starting over

Has anyone else gone mad before, just lost their mind for whatever reason and had to start over completely? I am probably in one of the worst corners I have ever managed to back myself into...and yet, I feel better having moved to a different city and not looking back. You may have already gathered from previous posts that I am a bit of an unstable woman--let's just call it eccentricity and ignorance. I don't know everything, ya know? I probably do not want to anyways.
I know it is rather un-adult of me to have to rebuild a life aagain, but maybe this time I can do it right. So, any thoughts on this part of my journey...has anyone else loved and lost and started everything new again?
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Old 24th May 2018, 2:25 PM   #2
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I'll try to keep this short...

Many years ago, I was in a long term relationship and we were both very happy. We had been together about 5 years. We shared hobbies and sports together. Cooked together. We could finish each other's sentences. Everything was perfect.

Then one winter, she got sick with a heavy cough, first the doctor thought it was just a cold, then possibly pneumonia but it was much worse and she died unexpectedly. It was quick and without pain.

I fell apart, first I cried, then I drank, then I didn't eat and just fell apart. I tried everything to jump start my life, but couldn't. Finally, I sold everything I owned, drove cross country and started a new life. The move felt like hitting the "reset" button on my life. It worked... I felt a lot better immediately and healed from there.

I don't think you are unstable and I think moving is a great way to get a fresh, new start. It is not "un-adult" to re-start one's life; sometimes it is necessary.

Personally, I say "Good for you"!! It takes a lot of guts to pick up and move and start fresh, but you did it!!
All of my posts are my opinion based on my own experiences. Feel Free to disagree with me, this rodent has thick skin.
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Old 24th May 2018, 8:06 PM   #3
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well, to be honest...and thank you for sharing btw ☺. I moved because I had no choice...just literally let everything fall to sh*t and simply left the house and kept going...that is completely a bad, bad place to get to in life...and I won't mention what happened to me one night as a result of just leaving my home and not having a great place to stay...but, happened and I am going to deal with everything...Monday...I will start on Monday...Lol. you see? totally un-adult and irresponsible and unstable of me! I still feel better and happier though...I ain't scared! much. haha.
I appreciate your shared story...I am sorry you lost someone dear to you, I have known the feeling. But, it seems you made it through and you are able to share alot of wisdom with others here. thanks.
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Old 25th May 2018, 4:53 PM   #4
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Hi OP,
I have too started again, at age 51 (I am now 55) and still works in progress.

I had to leave a dysfunctional marriage of 27 years, and lost everything through the financial crisis, and separation, no house, only a rented car.

I gave up my thankless, high pressure job and moved to a new city, rented a room, and took a new job in something lower pressure (and lower money) but which I was interested in (fitness).

Now, I am the oldest personal trainer in town lol, but I'm also one of the fittest 55 year olds and enjoy my work, pay the bills and a afford a few treats. I own my own (old but reliable) car, and have friends old and new and overall a balanced lifestyle, and more contentment than before.

So my advice is to take the risk, try to do something you enjoy and shape your life for yourself. Revalue your needs and live within them, modest to start and grow form there.

Life is of course a journey and not a destination, so enjoy the ride whenever possible!
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Old 25th May 2018, 5:48 PM   #5
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I have never done but the move is a fresh start. You can rebuild from here. Jettison all the baggage you left behind & put your best foot forward in your new place.

Best wishes.
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Old 25th May 2018, 7:16 PM   #6
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I haven't done it since I was older, but I had to move to another city and start all over so I could keep progressing in the work field of my choice. Truth is I sat around collecting unemployment as long as possible. i had a place in the country, no bills to speak of. Then I spent a month in the Florida Keys. Then I came home and Dad, who had gotten the house for me, wanted to move in because him and mom were finalizing the divorce, and it was just time to move.

I went there to apply to work at a record store. I think I took $20 with me. I crashed a couple of nights at stranger's houses because I was asked by the store to stick around and come back on Monday.

I had been making good money before I moved (I was making more on unemployment there even than what I had to start all over at in the new town). So I stopped buying expensive liquor and started back on the bologna sandwich, eggs, bacon, macaroni and cheese diet and worked for minimum wage. But I met my people in this new town. And eventually, I started making better money, went back to my original employer whose business started in my hometown but had expanded to my new town and climbed the ladder there again.

Change is nearly always good. It's usually exciting. It's fun to explore a new place. I wish you the best of luck. Keep busy. Get two jobs NOW while you have no friends or social life there yet! Save money.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 26th May 2018, 8:04 PM   #7
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For starters l don't think leaving it to monday is unadult haha, l call that smart. or is that just because l do that all the time, dunno who cares it's the way l like it.
l always leave the heavy stuff till next week if l've had enough.
Maybe the move was a good idea. l mean if there ws nothing behind , stale , no future, why not.
Done it myself and now l'll have to do it again. Divorce left me and life in a mess too and pretty well starting again.
This areas never worked for me. l don't think one good thing has happened in 10 yrs since we got here and then our marriage broke up.
longggg story before that 10 yrs too , and 3 states, nother time.

l had to move 3more times after we sold our house but stay close for my daughter. Well she's 18 soon and still nothing not one thing has happened for me here, not good anyway so l'm moving then. againnnn.
l still wanna stay close but she can drive soon so 2hours should be ok and so l've chosen a new city 2hours away , it's the only thing l can come up with and properties still fairly cheap there so hopefully l can start again, again.

l know way more than l wanted to about starting again.
But one thing l still don't know is when to cut your losses and just get put of there.
Yaknow, where nothings ever gone right there, does that mean it never will , or does that mean somehtings is gonna finally go right it's just around the corner , but you leave instead.

And now finally after 5yrs of after divorce and bs and hell and trying to be the best dad l can for my daughter like this, l'm oving again soon.
l loveeee the house l'm in , it's got everything l love and great views, could easily spend the rest of my life in this house , do it up and just live.
But the town here is fkd. Again 18mths here and not one thing has happened for me here, nothing, not one and l don;t fit, not at all.
The area in general though has a lot , if you don't mind driving 35mins to everywhere and maybe something good could happen in time, no clue. sure hasn't so far.

So yeppa , l hear ya and feel for ya , and l hope your new move brings you some great things and some happiness .
Be nice to hear how it's shaping up along the way too if ya feel like it.

Good luck .
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Old 31st May 2018, 7:48 PM   #8
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Thank you for all your thoughts everyone. Doing well, feeling healthy and happy and fixing to start working on a real estate license. I am indeed overcoming...I felt like Jennifer Lawrence's character from silver lining playbook 7 months ago, but feel like I have done a 180 in the last few weeks...breathing in the air of new opportunity. God is Good.
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Old 2nd June 2018, 7:54 PM   #9
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Yes I had to start over from scratch.

I spent several years in a toxic environment, and my social circle, including my mentor, essentially used me and betrayed me.

My plans which I had, and years of work and money, went down the drain.

I had to move back home with my parents, take care of my physical and mental health, and then start a new path in life.

Throughout my healing (with lots of therapy, no medications), I changed into a different person. I let go of every friendship that wasn't serving me anymore to the point where I had no friends.

You find out who really has your back during tough times, not when things are going well.

Now I'm studying daily so I can enter a graduate program at a university, and start a new life.

Yet I believe I can still have a good life, because now I can learn from my past mistakes, and I know I want to live a life of honor.

If anything, this "restart" made me a stronger person and I have more conviction in what I can achieve, so I don't really have any regrets.

Last edited by magnesium; 2nd June 2018 at 8:40 PM..
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Old 3rd June 2018, 5:05 AM   #10
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I am so glad to know that others are trying and moving on. We only get one life and I pray that I can show my son how good it can be--not with monetary wealth or useless toys and such, although being financially stable is a nice place to be in this world...but more like how good it is to have good family fun, time well spent with good people in your life, and the goodness and necessity of helping others. I am grateful as well that I am away from the people who hurt us the most...even if I did suffer a lot to get to this point. I just want to be happy by being me and spending time with people who actually are happy when they are around me too. So, yeah, Magnesium, I agree.
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Old 3rd June 2018, 6:54 AM   #11
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I have moved few times in my life, to different continents even where I didn't know a single person and had to start over. My reasons were mostly due to following my career path but I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel really excited by the move each time.

It always worked out well. It's an amazing way to start over. The people you will meet and the experiences you will have are something you can't even begin to predict right now. I highly recommend it.
"We have no dreams at all or interesting ones. We should learn to be awake the same way — not at all or in an interesting manner." ~Nietzsche
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