CarAndZam Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Hey, I guess I’m writing this to let out this stuff. Today was a ****ty day. I just feel so hopeless, and really down. Bit about me, I’m 20. Male. Don’t really have friends. It’s been years since I’ve had my own social circle, since middle school. And I’ve only dated one girl but she dumped before it became more serious. We got very close, 14 dates, we got sexual a bit (never had sex though). Today, through social media, I was going through social media. To be short, I found out that my “ex” has been sleeping around. We broke up 2 months ago. We were both virgins, and planned to lose it to each other, but never happened. She said she wanted to lose it someone special, which would be me at the time, but she dumped before that happened. Like I said, we got sexual a bit. And I guess now she’s become promiscuous now that I had bought out that sexual side of her (I was her first kiss and such). Which is fine, because it’s her choice and I’m not involved with her. But yeah.... it hurts to see how quickly she moved on. And HOW she’s moved on. So yeah I found out, I got really bummed. Told myself I can’t be in my room feeling sorry for myself. Left the house and drove to the mall alone. Just to get out of my a bit. But man was that a bad decisions. I just simply walked around the mall, observing. Trying to not think about much at all. But you observe other people and you see how happy they are. You see couples holdings hands and flirting. You see people hanging out with friends and laughing and talking. You see workers talking to their co workers, having fun. You how beautiful the girls are, how handsome the men are. Overall you notice how all these people have some type of happiness, confidence, self esteem. They have friends, they have the girl or man, they have something that makes them smile. Whereas I’m there just walking alone, being ugly, no one beside me, feeling sorry for myself. I spent an hour there at the mall. I couldn’t take anymore. On my way back to the car in the parking lot, I started tearing. Once I got in the car, I ****ing broken down. Just cried and cried. And cried on the way home. It was too much. I felt so much hate for myself. It’s really a damn shame and pathetic that I’m a man who lacks what he shouldn’t. Social skills, being able to talk to women, confidence, self esteem, social circle, etc. It’s exhausting know people have these basic stuff, and I don’t. Even more exhausting knowing that it’s all my fault. All of this should be fixable, and yet I don’t know how.... To me it just feels impossible to have people to like me and socialize with me, be my friends. It feels impossible for a girl to ever like me or be attracted to me. I’ve been trying to improve myself. Began meditating a while back. I’ve began lifting consistently 3 weeks ago. Been reading a lot of books too. But it’s not achieved what I wanted : a happy mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Is it fixable, don't give up. Once you gain some self confidence and start feeling better about yourself, stop beating up on yourself too, you WILL see your life change for the better. I'm sorry that you're hurting and feeling crappy. Have you considered speaking to a life coach or some kind of counseling or therapy? Talk therapy is a great thing. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I’ve been trying to improve myself. Began meditating a while back. I’ve began lifting consistently 3 weeks ago. Been reading a lot of books too. But it’s not achieved what I wanted : a happy mind. You're not thinking of giving up on those things just because you haven't seen results yet, are you? It's probably going to take some more time. Keep doing what you're doing, for now. Making the decision to get out of your house and go to the mall was a really good, positive move. It's unfortunate that your brain used that opportunity to negatively compare yourself to the other people who were just there minding their own business. Things will eventually get better. I think that 20 is possibly one of the hardest ages. You're an adult, doing adult things, making your own money and maybe living on your own for the first time, but your friends from high school don't really hang out anymore and you haven't made many good friends in your new "adult" life. Lots of people go through this. It's normal. Embrace it. And you should probably stop looking at your ex's social media. Block/unfriend her. You're going to be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 You need social skills. At 20 it's understandable that you haven't mastered them yet. If you are in college, try joining groups. Get involved. It will widen your circle. Consider the military. They offer leadership training & help boost confidence. If neither of those appeal to you, save up & take an in person social skills training course from the Dale Carnegie Institute or something like it. Start by reading a book called How to Win Friends & Influence People. Another free thing you can do is start volunteering for political campaigns. Politicians have awesome people skills. Emulate the candidate. Link to post Share on other sites
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