TheMianoPan Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 I'm a 44 year old guy. Two 'real' relationships in my life, married young and it lasted 22 years. A year after the divorce I found a girl and we went out a little more than a year. It was wonderful, and when she ended it I was shocked. Through the last 8 months I've grown massively, realized I was using her for my happiness and was not really a rounded person. Found a spiritual path, gotten into great shape (was in good shape even before) and have just done the 'work on yourself' thing. I've also been in therapy as I left a cult I was born into at age 35 and realized how damaging it was to my self esteem. One thing that resonates with me is the idea of being 'whole and complete' before entering a relationship. I've dated some, (can easily pull a couple dates a week via Bumble when I try) but I can't kick this feeling of being inadequate. I know its probably my vibe that's killing this.. What is 'whole and complete' in your opinion? Is it just being happy on your own whether you have someone in your life? Admittedly I haven't spend much time on my own. I'm growing weary of this constant need to 'work on myself' and trying to feel OK on my own. While every other area of my life is at least decent to great, I would say not having a relationship makes me unhappy.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 For me it was the ability to like my own company . . . to get to a point where sitting on the couch reading a book on a Saturday night didn't make me feel bad about myself. Being whole & complete was learning to trust my judgment & be proud of the things I accomplished, then from there seeking somebody to share that with, not because I dreaded being alone but because it was fun. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 (edited) Major Kudos to you for this life overhaul. It can't have been easy making all these changes. The fact you are strong enough to leave a cult after 35 years already says you are at the very least brave and have a mind of your own. As to your question, I don't know that I actually am whole and complete, but I do know I am at peace with myself and all the decisions I've made (errors of judgement included). I don't need or care for other people's validation, and I'm at a point in my life where I am a lot more accepting / less judgemental of others too. I'm 43, only ever had one LTR turned marriage and I'm totally fine with that. I've been single for years, not looking, I like my life with my 2 kids just how it is. Edited February 26, 2018 by littleblackheart Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheMianoPan Posted February 27, 2018 Author Share Posted February 27, 2018 @donniVain I do like my company, I'm introverted in general. My daughter is a senior and I have her every other week, so there's a definitely an air of "what's next" in my life once she goes off to college. I do like my alone time, just not all the time haha @littleblackheat Thank you. Its been a journey for sure. Lost a ton of so called friends because I left. I guess chilling out and being single for a few years wouldn't be a bad idea for me to do, just allow the universe to bring in a person if its all in alignment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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