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Mid Life Crisis


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Old 21st December 2017, 6:06 AM   #1
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Mid Life Crisis

So how does one cope with the mid life crisis.
Career, marriage, kids, getting old, looking older etc etc. Is it a form of depression?
Havent bought the Ferrari yet, but am questioning everything.
My career is okay, have decent money, plus a military retirement on top of it coming in.
Marriage problems, yes. Cant fix that just yet, separate topic.
Hair balding, not a huge issue.
Just feel like life has given me a bag of coal, and everyone else is happy, rich, sexy, jet setting the world.
What have you all done to cope with it.
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:26 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Steve40th396 View Post
So how does one cope with the mid life crisis.
Career, marriage, kids, getting old, looking older etc etc. Is it a form of depression?
Havent bought the Ferrari yet, but am questioning everything.
My career is okay, have decent money, plus a military retirement on top of it coming in.
Marriage problems, yes. Cant fix that just yet, separate topic.
Hair balding, not a huge issue.
Just feel like life has given me a bag of coal, and everyone else is happy, rich, sexy, jet setting the world.
What have you all done to cope with it.
marriage, kids, -- Try imaging your life without them. If you love them, that should scare you a little.

life has given me a bag of coal -- Imagine if your wife and kids could read this. It would hurt them very much.

everyone else is happy, rich, sexy, jet setting the world -- Everyone? Even the rich have problems. All that stuff they do sometimes is just to distract themselves from deeper issues.

With all that is going on in the world, it's a good idea to reflect on the good in your life not what you don't have.
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:33 PM   #3
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it's a good idea to reflect on the good in your life not what you don't have.

That's the key right there. I'm in my mid 50s. I've accomplished a lot, I think, but there's a boatload of stuff I'll likely never see. I'm not at the pinnacle of my profession. My kids still struggle with where they're going in life. I still have concerns about my (very long) marriage. I tend to drive old crappy-looking vehicles.


But on the other hand, I'm respected in my job and have a pretty great gig, I have kids that are mostly happy and healthy and smart and loving, I have a wife who loves me despite my shortcomings, and I guess I kind of like that old pick-up truck.
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Old 21st December 2017, 12:45 PM   #4
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So how does one cope with the mid life crisis.
one day at a time man
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:12 PM   #5
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That's the key right there. I'm in my mid 50s. I've accomplished a lot, I think, but there's a boatload of stuff I'll likely never see. I'm not at the pinnacle of my profession. My kids still struggle with where they're going in life. I still have concerns about my (very long) marriage. I tend to drive old crappy-looking vehicles.


But on the other hand, I'm respected in my job and have a pretty great gig, I have kids that are mostly happy and healthy and smart and loving, I have a wife who loves me despite my shortcomings, and I guess I kind of like that old pick-up truck.

I'm not quite as old as you, but I think my mid life crisis is in full bloom. From where I'm standing, if your relationship is together and she loves you, I'm envious. You got more than some of us.

Retirement is not far off. Try to see the glass you have as half full. Sounds pretty good to me.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:15 PM   #6
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I think many people find themselves in a period where they just feel numb and questioning the choices they made that got them where they are. Myself included.

It all starts with gratitude my friend. Being grateful for all you do have and making that a focus rather than all the negative crap.

I strongly recommend you get a notebook and every night before bed, jot down in no particular order, 5 things you're grateful for that day. It can be anything at all. Be sure to do this every night for at least 21 days and see how you feel. It's an excellent way to shift your focus and training your brain to look for the positives each day rather than dwell indefinitely on the negative.

I would also spend some time thinking about what you feel is lacking in your life. So many of us are living life on auto-pilot, particularly when we marry and start families. It isn't until we stop and look up that we realize we're not as happy as we thought we'd be and thus begins the questioning of our lives and our choices.

It's really important to spend time unpacking what's happened in your life that got you where you are. You can't begin to fix anything in your life if you can't acknowledge or articulate what you're feeling and ultimately what you want for your life.

That can be both challenging and overwhelming for some. Don't be afraid to seek counselling if need be. Professional help goes a long way in helping you understand yourself better and help you make small but significant shifts in your life that end up being monumental life changing moments long term.

You're in good company OP. The only way out of this alive is to go through it and deal with it head on.

Good luck.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:26 PM   #7
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I didn't have a mid-life crisis, but I did have a mid-life epiphany. I finally accepted that my marriage was not going to improve, and I realized that I didn't want to spend decades more being miserable.


Everything else was good - I had a lovely child, a fantastic job, good health, decent looks, etc. All was good, except my marriage. I divorced her.


I replaced my ex eventually, and now everything truly is good, and I'm happy - because the keys to happiness are good relationships and accomplishments, and I now have both.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:29 PM   #8
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My therapist has me journaling & making a gratitude list. When I wake up & when I go to sleep I have to write down 3 things I am grateful for. They can be profound but they can also be small. Repeats are OK. For example on cold winter mornings I have been repeatedly grateful for my soft, cozy flannel sheets. It does help to redirect your mind to the positive.


Doing things for yourself to self soothe & maybe indulge a little is also fine. If budget allows get the Ferrarri. I am actually in the market for my mid-life crisis sports car.
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Old 21st December 2017, 1:53 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Steve40th396 View Post
So how does one cope with the mid life crisis.
Career, marriage, kids, getting old, looking older etc etc. Is it a form of depression?
Havent bought the Ferrari yet, but am questioning everything.
My career is okay, have decent money, plus a military retirement on top of it coming in.
Marriage problems, yes. Cant fix that just yet, separate topic.
Hair balding, not a huge issue.
Just feel like life has given me a bag of coal, and everyone else is happy, rich, sexy, jet setting the world.
What have you all done to cope with it.

Believe it or not, I feel this is healthy. The fact we waited to long is because unfortunately society cloaks our eyes until our natural instinct can't take any longer and weather it be because of our aging process, or our surroundings, the distractions don't work any more. Questioning everything and living life by faith through conviction is what we're naturally set to do.

Read Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich, there's a lot of things he points out that aligns with spiritual religions that delve deep into the human psyche. The fact most empire builders started late 30's early 40's. Just remember your not old and its never too late to do anything. With that being said, you should still think before you leap and be compassionate of others, and yourself.


P.S: Watch The Founder with Michael Keaton. Ray Kroc started getting it in his 50's.
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Old 21st December 2017, 2:17 PM   #10
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I realized I wasn't happy in my 30s and retrained as a teacher. My personal life may be all to f**k but professionally, I'm happy. AND I moved to a Mediterranean island last year. I might be lonely but I'm doing it in beautiful surroundings.
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Old 21st December 2017, 2:38 PM   #11
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there is apparently this thing called the "u-curve".

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...crisis/382235/


Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve40th396 View Post
Is it a form of depression?
I guess it depends. Try not to dwell on it too much and let it take over your life.

Quote:
Havent bought the Ferrari yet, but am questioning everything.
No. But I blew lots of cash on synthesizers. (I play).

Quote:
Just feel like life has given me a bag of coal, and everyone else is happy, rich, sexy, jet setting the world.
They are full of ****. They are just posting their best holiday pictures to put on a fake shown for world to see.

Quote:
What have you all done to cope with it.
Just keep doing stuff that keeps you happy and your mind busy. It will pass. Don't dwell too much on stuff. Don't over do it with alcohol -- you will gain weight and it will make the mid life worse.
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Old 21st December 2017, 10:53 PM   #12
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Instead of feeling envious or others, think about how many people wish they could see, had all their limbs, or could walk.

My life was turned upside down when my long term ex left me. As miserable as I was I never lost sight of the fact that there is a minimum of 1000 people who would kill me to have my life.

It can always be worse. Remember that.
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Old 21st December 2017, 11:53 PM   #13
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Been there, done that. I bought a BMW, got a higher paying job, formed a poly triad with my wife and her best friend/lover, went to Vegas 4 times a year, got a dog and named him Vegas, moved out of State, got into competitive shooting, became a licensed ham radio operator at the highest grade, setup a man cave with three ham radios, two computer monitors and recording quality mics for my radio, bought a Rolex, got into High End Audio with a $20K tube system, quit smoking, started to work from home, bought all new clothes, did a wife swap, did a foursome, and basically worked my way into the top 5% income bracket. With money, a nice car, custom made clothes and a nice watch, girls were all over me as was my wife and her girlfriend. That and taking antidepressants worked wonders for me.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 2:17 AM   #14
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Been there, done that. I bought a BMW, got a higher paying job, formed a poly triad with my wife and her best friend/lover, went to Vegas 4 times a year, got a dog and named him Vegas, moved out of State, got into competitive shooting, became a licensed ham radio operator at the highest grade, setup a man cave with three ham radios, two computer monitors and recording quality mics for my radio, bought a Rolex, got into High End Audio with a $20K tube system, quit smoking, started to work from home, bought all new clothes, did a wife swap, did a foursome, and basically worked my way into the top 5% income bracket. With money, a nice car, custom made clothes and a nice watch, girls were all over me as was my wife and her girlfriend. That and taking antidepressants worked wonders for me.
May I ask how old were you when you did this?
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Old 24th December 2017, 7:27 AM   #15
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Interesting take on things. Thanks
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