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Living life for myself

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Old 26th September 2017, 9:55 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Virginia
Posts: 11
Living life for myself

So, I am looking for insight on how to start living my life more for me and less for my kids (who are 24,22,17) and significant other (who happens to b my ex-hubby). I feel trapped in my life. Every decision I have made in my adult life has been based on the 4 of them. How do you start making choices that will make you happy instead of worrying how it will affect everyone else?
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:12 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Germany
Posts: 22
Hello there,
Even though your thread is a little too short, I get the idea that you have given a lot from yourself for your family because it clearly is the most important part of your life. That is completely normal, thats why in so many cultures family is seen as sacred, holy and divine. Are you sure that you havent lived your life for yourself? Let me tell you one short story,
there was a young man who never knew what his purpose in life was. All his life he had been wondering what he wanted to do with the time given to him. He had no clear goals whatsoever and his future was to him like a misty field. People would ask him what he wanted to become when he grew up and such, and he had no answers. Then he got married and had his very first child. When he held his new born daughter in his arms it all became clear to him. When he saw her little eyes he know that he had a purpose. His meaning of life was to do everything so that his daughter would grow up happy and would never lack a thing.
In your case your children seem to be almost adults so, why dont you try to remember what your passions were before you had the family. Did you have hobbies? Try working out, learning an instrument, art, anything youd like, trying new recipes, baking, whatever. The self improvement journey is not a journey with an end! Keep that in mind. So, take action and do what satisfies you the most.
Kind Regards
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:18 PM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Virginia
Posts: 11
Honestly, being a mother has pretty much been my greatest accomplishment. My kids have been my life since I was 19. So trying to figure out how to live my life for me instead of them is my issue. If I try and do what I want instead of what they want you would think I was telling them I was running off to join the circus. They don't need me, they just like knowing I'm there if they want something. I know I caused it but its time to break the cycle.
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:30 PM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,015
Start small. Do something little for yourself that makes you happy. Buy your favorite kind of cookies or ice cream at the store even if everybody else hates that flavor. Do things you enjoy. Spend time with your friends.

You don't have wholesale abandon everybody else. Just put yourself 1st once in a while.

It's OK to let the dishes sit. It's OK to ask the older 2 kids to give a ride to the 17 year old. It's OK to say no.
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