I Need To Help Myself, Finally Going To A Councelor

[supermom]

I've decided to finally see a councelor.

 

I'm an emotional nutcase. I can't handle stress. The weight of the world goes on my shoulders. I cannot control how people treat eachother, their children, me, etc but It all effects me more than it should.

 

Anything to do with children in a negative way sends me into an anger, sadness spiral. I know it needs to stop.

 

I'm broke, and that depresses me. I cannot handle myself.

 

I tried Zoloft, but after awhile it made me suicial. I can't win!

 

I self medicate, with alcohol and pot. I cannot handle things alot. I self medicate (partying) to give myself an emotional break. What kind of parent is that?

 

I'm doing this for myself, my husband, but most importantly, my daughter. She is only 2, if I can fix myself before she gets older I would like that. I don't want her memories of me to be of a screaming, out of control, basketcase of a mom.

 

I'm ranting, I'm in a sad mood, but I'm gonna try to help myself.

 

Loveshack (the people in it) have tought me things, and I have changed my attitude on somethings as a result of being here.

 

I don't know what else to say......

[Trager]

i have severe depression and mood swings, i tried suicide in my past.. thankfully i have those who turned me around. First my faith in God helped, second, going to a theripist, then to a dr, for medication and proper dosage, and 3 realizing i have to fight my own depressing frame of mind. i lead a not so normal life, but then again who does, i fought my depression. yes it took me years but here i am and i feel great today. First things first. ur doing pot and auchohal, u must stop BOTH and ALL if u wish to get better, Medication WILL NOT WORK if u use either. not to mention it can kill mixed with medicin. if ur really ready to live, then listen. and for ur daughters sake. Stopping drugs and auchohal is hard, get profesional help, its really not bad. now i know that with those down moment u have up ones right? where nothing is better than those few moments and life is great and u cant wait to do something.. even if u dont know what? life is never actually that great on a constant basis. not when u get stabalized. But u do enjoy it. Suicide wont help u trust me, u cant beat this alone, i still cant, not if i drop my meds and support, or either. to start with when u feel ur mood changing to sad, if this depression/mood swing isnt half as bad as mine, realize that ur getting depressed. and make urself happy, yes its possible yet hard. it will take practice. again caffine is a no, drugs is a no, so on all these things will make u verry happy for a moment, but people like us, well that happyness wont last long and our downward spiral will be tons worse the more we have of the cause/ caffine drugs so on. u know u have this problem,. thats the first step GOOD JOB! i myself was told this was the issue, i didnt realize it. i can infact find some sights for u online with help of my own dr, if u wish, will take some time i'd have to call um but if u want to get better knowing exactly whats wrong is the next step, getting a diagnosis is best. it can take time to know exactly what is wrong but when u know, u can medicate (yes it will be for the rest of ur life i pray ur a strong person) and learn to deal. i have. remember u will need support through it all, i'm here if u need any more advice, cus ya i hate being like this, but i cant change it.

 

in the end it is possible to live with this, however u cant give up on it, ur not the problem, the deppresion is, and as long as u can control ur behaviors before hand then u will learn to have a great life!

[meanon]

What kind of parent is that? A responsible one who knows her coping methods are now doing more harm than good and who is taking steps to find a way to help herself. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to cope, supermom. We all have our limits, you've just reached yours.

 

Good luck with the counselling

[supermom]

Thanks for all your words of encouragement

 

More advise is always welcome...I'm hurting here guys

[sinner]

supermom, it's amazing what we will do for our children. And I'm sure your little girl is a great motivator to get your life straightened out. Remember, though, she loves her mommy no matter what.

 

Right now, you sound like a raw nerve with a very, very low upset theshhold. This can be treated through a combination of counseling, pharmaceuticals and time. In time, you'll get over this especially as your daughter gets older and your life becomes freer.

 

Right now: get help, persevere and keep your family going from day to day.

 

Also, you can have some fun, too.

 

Life is long.

[meanon]

At the moment you see your reactions clearly and yet can't control them. That's the first, some would say the most difficult step in making a change - recognising what the specific things are that are doing harm to yourself and others.

 

I've seen the shift in attitude you talked about. Again, that bodes well for your chances of success. You think about things, you're open to challenge, you gain insight as a result.

 

Supermom, this sad day is the start of a whole new chapter for you and yours. Change is hard. If you weren't hurting now, then you wouldn't have the motivation to see it through.

 

Let us know how you get on.

[supermom]

I've seen the shift in attitude you talked about. Again, that bodes well for your chances of success. You think about things, you're open to challenge, you gain insight as a result.

 

 

Meanon,

 

Do you mean me? Sorry if I sound stupid, but do you mean you've seen a shift in my attitude? If so please tell me so that way I can understand in the direction I'm trying or trying not to go.

 

Sinner,

 

Thank you for your reply. My daughter is a big motivator

 

I'm so sad today, I could cry right now, but I DONT KNOW WHY which is what makes me think I'm going crazy.

 

AAAAGGGGGHHHH!

 

Thanks everyone though!

[meanon]

No, you don't sound stupid, supermom. I wasn't clear.

 

So often the success of counselling depends on people's ability to let down their guard, to look at themselves from a variety of perspectives, to have the confidence to change their view of the world and of themselves.

 

It doesn't matter which topic area it was, I noticed that you changed your perspective on things close to your heart in the course of debate on Loveshack. As you said, you've learned things. That's bodes for your future because it shows that you have the type of skills needed to quickly gain insight into your own attitudes and behaviour.

 

Does that make sense?

 

There's a lot of guilt mixed up in the sadness, that's not helping. Try to be kinder to yourself. Having a young family and working as well can be tough plus you have had other things to deal with. Your daughter and you will always share unconditional love, she will always adore you and you will remember the screaming mom long after she does. Self medication is a harsh term for seeking fun in your life, although you do need to make sure you are in control. I'm 38 and I party as much now as I did in my early 20s - the more responsibility I take on, the more I need to let off steam. As sinner said, we are all allowed some fun in life.

 

You're not going crazy. These are normal reactions to having reached your coping limit.

 

Often people in your position feel as though the are losing control of their life. You are also blaming yourself a lot for failing to cope, that's bound to make you sad. Try not to worry about the why. Focus on what to do about it instead and have confidence that you'll be fine soon. See a counsellor, get meds if you need them (there are lots of different types), post about the things that bother you on LS or talk to friends about them.

 

I hope you're feeling a little better today, supermom

[supermom]

Thanks meanon, your post made me feel better

 

 

When I do "self medicate" or party, I definetly make sure I'm in control. I've never tried any hard drugs, just pot and alcohol. I am very strict on the fact that I do not want my daughter around when I do it.

 

 

It doesn't matter which topic area it was, I noticed that you changed your perspective on things close to your heart in the course of debate on Loveshack. As you said, you've learned things. That's bodes for your future because it shows that you have the type of skills needed to quickly gain insight into your own attitudes and behaviour

 

Thanks, I'm struggling today though, with the abortion thread, but yes, I have tried and still try to be less judgemental and more open. thank you for noticing, it keeps me motivated when things I do are noticed.

 

Oh goodness you are helping me so much!

 

Self medication is a harsh term for seeking fun in your life, although you do need to make sure you are in control. I'm 38 and I party as much now as I did in my early 20s - the more responsibility I take on, the more I need to let off steam. As sinner said, we are all allowed some fun in life.

 

 

Thanks for that statement, made me feel a little better and not so guilty.

 

Thanks for your time your definetly helping

[Mr Spock]

I can understand partly of how you feel-when I was younger, I used to have anger issues. I had a stable, loving home but still the anger came from somewhere. I didn't end up taking medication or counselling-but eventually I WAS able to recognize the pattern of anger, and how to deflect it and prevent others from triggering it. Of course, it took moving out of the house to do that.

 

Never feel bad about partying if you're not hurting anything but your liver. I'm not so much a huge fan of dope anymore simply because I feel it robs people of personality-stunts emotional growth.

[supermom]

Thank you Spock for reading my thread. Last night I had an anxiety attack, really bad, and my poor husband was trying, but at that time I couldn't tell him how to help. I just did, a minute ago, and asked him to get more educated on anxiety disorders, as it could be passed to my daughter.

 

My grandfather passed it to my mom, all my siblings including myself have it. I have seen my daughter I think once have one, but being a toddler she can't really talk. My motherly instict took over once I saw the fear in her eyes without nothing obviously there to scare her (i.e. shadows on wall,etc) so I spoke to her very softly stroking her face, rocking her, over her screaming crying and after about 10 mins she calmed down. I think I knew because of her eyes, kinda hard to explain.

 

 

I'm not so much a huge fan of dope anymore simply because I feel it robs people of personality-stunts emotional growth.

 

I could be in denial about this (hence the counceling) because when not partying (I don't that much) I do feel that I am in control, and do not notice my emotional growth stunting, but I'm sure the counceling may show me I am or am not. My mom did an angel card reading for me (don't know if you believe or not) and it did say that this is the time that I am spiritually ready to go for it. As I think, I realize that I have never in my life felt more ready for outside help.

 

I really don't want us at odds. I am only posting opinions. I am working really hard on the judgemental stuff. I came into this site very judgemental on the OW (just an example, no offense) but I don't know, have you noticed I've calmed down or not (I have been told by another LSer that she noticed) and also it has helped me to move on from the betrayal I felt when my husband cheated that one time. I even called the OW and apologized, and told her I realized that my husband was the main perpetrator, but, because she knew me very well, that part is her responsibility, and thus, she lost a person that really respected and cared for her. Weather or not she misses my friendship I don't know, but, if she does, that is her "punishment" (for lack of a better word) and she will have to live with that (she was like a sister to me and my sister and family to my family, now that's gone) and she said she really valued that.

 

Oh well, live and learn. If I see her again though, I don't have the feeling of wanting to pounce on her. I kinda feel sad myself though that that person is out of my life. The person I'm talking about is not the physical person, but the person that I came to know and love. She left when she layed down with my husband. My husband and I are going strong, but it's a slow process I've had to endure. I can honestly say that I do completely trust him again, I want him to go out and have fun, and I don't feel he would do it again. (BTW it was a revenge thing, so of course I'm not perfect either )

 

Thanks for listening to me

[Mr Spock]

Never at odds with the poster hon, just the topic on hand.

 

I don't frown upon pot smoking, I used to smoke quite a bit of it. Eventually, for various reasons I gave it up, and I don't miss it. I've since tried to go back to it, and I find I can't do it. I remember reading somewhere (and I can't be certain it wasn't anti-drug propaganda)that people who smoke pot regularly often remain less emotionally mature. Like, if you started into it say when you were 17-18 you'd tend to not progress.

 

I wouldn't think it helps with anxeity, but I'm not a doctor (I just play one on T.V.) as it makes me intensely paranoid.

 

 

 

Of course she misses your friendship. I'm sure you are a good person. I'm sure the added element of doubt this has added to your marriage isn't helping things. There was a time, when I was depressed, that events on the news would affect me adversely. I would cry-they would really, really affect me. I've since stopped watching T.V. in addition to snapping out of my rut. Many contributing factors to it.

 

I find that excercise really helps me focus, makes me feel good. For you, it could be pottery classes. You should have at least one non family related thing in your week that you lookforward to. Where you're not "supermom" dealing with all the crap, but instead your own person. Just my two bits.

[meanon]

Anger serves a very useful purpose, from a psychological perspective. If we feel we can't cope, if the alternative is depression or anxiety, it deflects us from the downward spiral by giving us something very concrete to pour our emotions into. That's great in the short term but longer term, because it prevents us looking too closely at what's causing the problem, it stops us making changes.

 

The incident with your daughter may have been a tantrum. Anxiety orders are largely about fear of loss of control, panic at a nameless what may happen next. The success rate of treatment is good. It involves exposure and proving to people that whatever they fear is not about to happen.

 

I don't think it sounds like you need counselling for the partying, drink and pot. It's the sadness, anxiety and anger you need help with. Party on! Pot used occasionally is fine, in my view, but the I've seen the effects Spock spoke of with long term daily use.

 

It's good to hear you are feeling better

[supermom]

Pot helps me to calm down, rationalize my feelings. When my husband and I smoke pot, we tend to open up more. I have a temporary break from dealing with the stress of everyday life. I do it in my bed, watching tv, before we go to sleep and after my precious daughter is fast asleep.

 

Drinking for me is really a social thing. When friends and family come over, its fun to let loose and joke, pick on each other, laugh histerically over past incidences that are funny. I don't use drinking as a release, but rather, a social thing.

 

Pot is my crutch. I like it. It calms me down and makes me laugh. Sometimes we smoke and watch cops. Just a thing we do. Or like we watch old cartoons, Ren and Stimpy are awesome. Its something I like to do when I'm done playing mom for the day. My husband is very very very helpful with our daughter as well, something well respected when I need a break.

Like, if you started into it say when you were 17-18 you'd tend to not progress.

 

 

Spock, do you feel there are exceptions to this? I started when I was 16 and I'm 25 now. I feel that I've grown alot since then. I have always had to be very responsible growing up. I grew up with druggy parents (my mom doesn't even smoke cigarettes now. Good for her! ) so at 5 I was changing my sis's diaper, taking care of things that my mom couldn't at the time. This experience has most definetly steared me away from other drugs. Pot leaves me still in control, that's why I like it. I expect I won't do this forever. Right now though, it helps me more than it hurts. (it doesn't hurt lol).

 

Of course a topic me and my husband have discussed....what are WE to do if and when we catch our then teenage daughter toking up? I for one do not want her to follow in my footsteps. Would we be hippocrites? We have a responsibility for her, and we will need to quit.

[Mr Spock]

Like I said, I can't remember if it was propaganda or not-I remember reading it somewhere, and it stuck with me. I have no problems with pot, or pot smokers, or the majority of law abiding non violent non drug users. I can't do it anymore. I'd LIKE to be able to use it recreationally, but I don't enjoy it as I used to do.

 

 

It would be hypocritical to your teenaged(future)daughter, although parents are famous for do as I say, not as I do in general.

 

If it helps you, then don't stop doing it. I'm just stating that it makes ME intensely paranoid.

 

I LOVE to party. Party. Party. Party.

[moimeme]

So you like it and enjoy it and think it's great but don't want your kid on it. Why not?

[Mr Spock]

And yes supermom, I believe there are exceptions to it, but I do also agree with it.

[supermom]

If it helps you, then don't stop doing it. I'm just stating that it makes ME intensely paranoid.

 

 

I get paranoid too, that's why I only like to do it at night, when I know I don't have to face anyone lol.

 

Sometimes we do it, and go outside and trip on the stars

 

Its just my release. LIke aaaaahhhhh.......