fully rebuilt myself. got too much to lose

[calgary]

ah honestly. if you read my previous posts on this site. I broke down hard. lost my girlfriend in January, went off the rails big time, my life was just at the lowest point it ever has been, I think that's maybe why we broke up.

 

Anyway, 6/7 months later, and I've got up and on with my life big time. taken the time to invest in myself rather than chasing new relationships.

 

I've just landed the job of my dreams. I can't actually believe I have it, I want to keep hold of it so bad. I've only done a week, and they've already asked me to work full time/ extra hours now and given me more responsibilities..

 

I have my final exam this afternoon before I get all my certificates.

 

i'm a lot closer to my family than I've ever been and they're really proud of me. things are all good.

 

I just seem to have this feeling in my stomach like any second, i'm going to mess up at work and they'll get rid of me, or they'll be disappointed. won't think i'm up to the job etc.

 

i feel like i'll fail my final exam and then all this years hard work is for nothing.

 

 

i feel like i have too much to lose right now in that sense. i never used to feel like this ? maybe its a lack of self confidence.

 

 

i just generally always feel like things in life always start out really really good and exciting and then once the shine has worn off, people get sick of me and disappointed.

 

it's always been the case with girls.

 

i seem to go the whole way with girls too fast or something and then eventually they move on but it's hard to get a relationship out of them ?

 

I don't really like a single girl I've met so far around here. it makes me sad. there isn't one girl i know that i'd be happy to be in a relationship with.

 

I feel like I've lost it with girls too, i used to do so well, and now i'm really reserved unless i'm drunk. i'm just avoiding them at the minute anyway . i just don't know if anybody knows a good way to gain confidence.

 

thanks .