How Big Will My World Be?

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Do you ever think, "what if this is it?" "What if I'll never get anything more than this, what if there's no way out?"

 

Stuck in the same sh*tty dead end bar job unable to get work in the field I'm qualified for, staying with my gf's parents because I had to move out of my own place, barely able to buy new clothes with the meagre income I earn. How will I ever travel? What will I ever get to experience in life? Will my world be confined to this; my gf's house, the bus to work and back again?

 

What reason do I have not to drink my life away and take solace in escaping from it all for a few hours a night? If this is life, I'm failing at it. I'll never be successful and each moment I continue in life only serves to prove my point. The way things are going the biggest tragedy would not be dying young, but dying old, poor, alone and having gained very little from the one life I had to live.

 

My world will always be this tiny, grey, desolate thing. I'll never see the things I dream of.

[january2011]

Some people don't have a job.

 

Some people don't have a girlfriend.

 

Some people don't even have someone who will let them stay.

 

I'm not saying that your problems are unimportant, but sometimes you have to focus on what you've got rather than what you haven't got.

 

And, I suspect that for many of us, there are some periods in life where we do what we can to keep our head above water until rescue arrives. I don't know what you've done so far, but all you can do, all anyone can do, is to keep plugging away. Even if it means that they have to do volunteer work or spend all their spare time trying to find work.

 

Unless your clothes are threadbare and not presentable for work, I'd suggest that new clothes are the last of your worries. Saving where you can, selling what you can and keeping up the job-hunting are your priorities, in my opinion.

[sweetkiwi]

your world is only as bleak as you see it. Perspective is everything in life. Find your hope.

[River Rain]

I used to think that way when I was in the middle of recovering from depression. I was on lots of meds, living paycheque to paycheque, isolated and alone. Once I decided that I wanted to make the best of my situation, things got a little better day by day. I was still plagued with debt, but I made small changes to make me happy.

 

You just never know when things will change for you. I know this sounds cliché, but it's true...it all starts with your attitude and how you see the world around you. When you're able to feel grateful for what you have, not longing for what you can't have, then life suddenly feels a lot better.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

Some people don't have a job.

 

Some people don't have a girlfriend.

 

Some people don't even have someone who will let them stay.

 

I'm not saying that your problems are unimportant, but sometimes you have to focus on what you've got rather than what you haven't got.

 

And, I suspect that for many of us, there are some periods in life where we do what we can to keep our head above water until rescue arrives. I don't know what you've done so far, but all you can do, all anyone can do, is to keep plugging away. Even if it means that they have to do volunteer work or spend all their spare time trying to find work.

 

Unless your clothes are threadbare and not presentable for work, I'd suggest that new clothes are the last of your worries. Saving where you can, selling what you can and keeping up the job-hunting are your priorities, in my opinion.

 

But you see, why should I then limit myself to that? What if I want more for myself? You suggest I consider that there's others less fortunate, implying I compare myself with them and be thankful. Wouldn't that just enable me to be lazy? If I compare myself to others who have more than I do, isn't that a better target? Why should I rest on what few laurels I've achieved. Okay, so I have a girlfriend. My girlfriend is content to live with her parents while she attends University, whereas my friend's girlfriend arranged for the place they share together and sorted out all the financing. What I'm saying is, though I love my girlfriend very much, should I accept that she has little ambition? That life effectively scares her to the point she'd rather stay at home? Lets look further; my friend works less hours than I do, in a job which is far less physically demanding than mine and where the hours are set, and fair. He also earns twice what I do. We both have Uni degrees but he found a job whereas I've now had a string of failed interviews.

 

Rather than try and be happy with what I have, or adopt some kind of blue sky positive thinking about it, I should look at this particular friend and say "hey, why isn't that me? What did he do different?"

[SpiralOut]

 

Rather than try and be happy with what I have, or adopt some kind of blue sky positive thinking about it, I should look at this particular friend and say "hey, why isn't that me? What did he do different?"

 

Have you tried asking him for advice?

[Crusoe]

Do you ever think, "what if this is it?" "What if I'll never get anything more than this, what if there's no way out?"

 

Stuck in the same sh*tty dead end bar job unable to get work in the field I'm qualified for, staying with my gf's parents because I had to move out of my own place, barely able to buy new clothes with the meagre income I earn. How will I ever travel? What will I ever get to experience in life? Will my world be confined to this; my gf's house, the bus to work and back again?

 

What reason do I have not to drink my life away and take solace in escaping from it all for a few hours a night? If this is life, I'm failing at it. I'll never be successful and each moment I continue in life only serves to prove my point. The way things are going the biggest tragedy would not be dying young, but dying old, poor, alone and having gained very little from the one life I had to live.

 

My world will always be this tiny, grey, desolate thing. I'll never see the things I dream of.

 

No, because this is never "it". It's all temporary, fella. The good times, the bad times, location, friends, money, health... it's all temporary and it's all experiencing life. Even the dreams you never realised, the money you never made and the places you never travelled are all part of experiencing life.

 

The world is as big and colourful as you choose it to be and circumstance matters very little.

[january2011]

But you see, why should I then limit myself to that? What if I want more for myself? You suggest I consider that there's others less fortunate, implying I compare myself with them and be thankful. Wouldn't that just enable me to be lazy? If I compare myself to others who have more than I do, isn't that a better target? Why should I rest on what few laurels I've achieved. Okay, so I have a girlfriend. My girlfriend is content to live with her parents while she attends University, whereas my friend's girlfriend arranged for the place they share together and sorted out all the financing. What I'm saying is, though I love my girlfriend very much, should I accept that she has little ambition? That life effectively scares her to the point she'd rather stay at home? Lets look further; my friend works less hours than I do, in a job which is far less physically demanding than mine and where the hours are set, and fair. He also earns twice what I do. We both have Uni degrees but he found a job whereas I've now had a string of failed interviews.

 

Rather than try and be happy with what I have, or adopt some kind of blue sky positive thinking about it, I should look at this particular friend and say "hey, why isn't that me? What did he do different?"

 

 

I never said that you should accept your situation as a permanent state of affairs. However, if you are constantly chasing and coveting what other people have, you will never be happy. Rather you will end up bitter and resentful.

 

You are in a tight spot. There is no denying that. And yes, you can change your situation. But sometimes you have to do the prep, keep treading water and wait for the opportunity to emerge - especially if you are not the kind of person who is able to create these opportunities yourself.

 

Being thankful for what you have is part of what makes people happy, despite being in apparently dire situations - there are studies on this. It doesn't mean that you don't continue to strive for improvements, but it does mean that you don't operate on the basis that you are always behind and at the bottom of the pile. You are in the middle of the pile - there are some people worse off and there are some people better off.

 

Your perception of your circumstances is what is holding you back - not your circumstances themselves. And your perception has a direct impact on your mood and behaviour. It comes across very clearly in your posts and I wonder if you are like this at interview. If I were a hiring manager, I'd be very concerned about how you'd operate in the job with this kind of "doom and gloom" negative thinking.

 

Life is sh*t and it is sh*t for everyone. But there are people who choose not to perceive it that way. They make the best of what they have, especially if they don't have the skills and resources to make things better for themselves.

 

In addition to those things I listed, you have an education, you are articulate and seem reasonably self-aware. I don't know what industry you are in, but in this current economic climate it is tough for most people - the various job threads on here are evidence of that. All you can do is keep plugging away and working yourself back up to where you want to be. You may dismiss blue sky thinking, however, from experience, most people prefer it over dark stormy skies any day of the week.

 

You can get angry and lash out all you like - internet strangers will either flame you or put you on ignore. Most likely there is only so much your girlfriend and her parents will take if you are also like this with them. Only you can do something about your situation - if you are not happy about something, do something about it and also accept that change may not happen overnight.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I never said that you should accept your situation as a permanent state of affairs. However, if you are constantly chasing and coveting what other people have, you will never be happy. Rather you will end up bitter and resentful.

 

You are in a tight spot. There is no denying that. And yes, you can change your situation. But sometimes you have to do the prep, keep treading water and wait for the opportunity to emerge - especially if you are not the kind of person who is able to create these opportunities yourself.

 

Being thankful for what you have is part of what makes people happy, despite being in apparently dire situations - there are studies on this. It doesn't mean that you don't continue to strive for improvements, but it does mean that you don't operate on the basis that you are always behind and at the bottom of the pile. You are in the middle of the pile - there are some people worse off and there are some people better off.

 

Your perception of your circumstances is what is holding you back - not your circumstances themselves. And your perception has a direct impact on your mood and behaviour. It comes across very clearly in your posts and I wonder if you are like this at interview. If I were a hiring manager, I'd be very concerned about how you'd operate in the job with this kind of "doom and gloom" negative thinking.

 

Life is sh*t and it is sh*t for everyone. But there are people who choose not to perceive it that way. They make the best of what they have, especially if they don't have the skills and resources to make things better for themselves.

 

In addition to those things I listed, you have an education, you are articulate and seem reasonably self-aware. I don't know what industry you are in, but in this current economic climate it is tough for most people - the various job threads on here are evidence of that. All you can do is keep plugging away and working yourself back up to where you want to be. You may dismiss blue sky thinking, however, from experience, most people prefer it over dark stormy skies any day of the week.

 

You can get angry and lash out all you like - internet strangers will either flame you or put you on ignore. Most likely there is only so much your girlfriend and her parents will take if you are also like this with them. Only you can do something about your situation - if you are not happy about something, do something about it and also accept that change may not happen overnight.

 

I understand where you're coming from, and it does make sense, but I guess I don't see myself as a pessimist, more a realist. I'm actually on very good terms with my gfs family. Only my gf knows how I really feel. You probably already know its fairly easy to fake optimism, all you really need is the blueprint of expectations. For example, my work expect smiles, friendliness and cordiality, since its a bar, and since I know that's what they look for, that's what I give them. Same with job interviews, I research the expectations and adapt to suit those needs. If everyone were themselves at interviews or a work, no one would have a job.

 

I know I need to be more positive. I get that, and I'm not lashing out. I apologise if my last post seemed hostile. I re-read it and it seems I didn't word it correctly, or streamline my thoughts enough. I guess that happens when you don't edit your posts...

 

It's just that I can't seem to get the things I want and it's depressing me. That's as baldly as I can put it. If I think to myself, "well others don't have what I have," it doesn't make me feel better; it usually means either they were disadvantaged by circumstance and are troubled, in which case I sympathise but I can hardly put myself next to them. As much as it would be tempting, I can't blame my parents or my upbringing for my problems. The other case would be that they simply didn't work hard enough, or were too lazy or didn't care enough, in which case they do not have my sympathy, but I would put myself in a class with those people.

[january2011]

It's just that I can't seem to get the things I want and it's depressing me.

 

Welcome to life and adulthood!

 

It is very unlikely that you will remain in your current situation for the rest of your life. However, neither of us can predict when things will change for you. But again, all you can do is to keep plugging away.

[CptObvious]

Look on the bright side OP

 

 

 

 

 

 

You'll be dead in about 15 years

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most likely from cancer