How to do away with confession anxiety

[Pompom]

I thought I'd share some advice that has been a great revelation to me. It's only relevant for those people who like me, get cold feet when the time comes to contact a not so helpful crush. Relationship-wise insecure people.

 

So in the beginning of this year I had a fling with someone who'd been flirting with me for a while by that time. My mild crush got huge. After that, contact died down, and we sent each-other mixed messages due to which contact went dry altogether. On one hand, when we did talk, there was a lot of happy and sexual energy going around, lots of joking and enthusiasm for one-another, but - we rarely did talk. I usually rushed past him, embarassed, and he also adopted evasive behaviorisms. But we always watched one-another from a safe distance. I just knew there was a chance. But I didn't dare try, and then he was transferred to another location where I wouldn't see him again.

 

Then I got in touch with his ex over something unrelated to him, but she did ask how I knew him and that was when we became best gossip-about-that-dude buddies. She encouraged me to get in touch with him, both by explicitely telling me to, and by telling me a lot of encouraging things about him, some of which I knew. She told me to call him the next day, and also wanted to hang out with me 2 days after that, and insisted I told her about how that call went then.

I had an ultimatum. I could not chicken out. This ex girlfriend who I've been horrible to out of jealousy (behind her back) was trying to hook me up with her ex, not because she's an evil scheming cow, but because she sincerely wants him to find happiness (and leave her be) and thought I might be the one to give him that. She liked me right away, and I her.

 

Anyways, fuelled with hope, I was still terrified. For the lack of contact I thought he hated me or something. I'm insecure that way. Could not bring myself to make that phone call. My heart would beat in my eye balls, I'd break a sweat and get that feeling of cold air in my chest. Not like a monster would come out of that phone and eat my teeth, but... Really, worst case scenario he moans at me and I'm forever free to move on.

 

So I chugged down 3 peeloads of ice cold water, listened to my happy songs and got a pen and paper to sit myself down in a crowded place (to mind my dignity in case that phone call does go wrong) and list all the things I've done that were so much scarier than calling a crush who was highly unlikely to react mean or cold. When I concluded that list with "I'm still OK", I realized: f*** that sh**, I'm gonna call the f*** out of that. 2 calls, no connection, so hoping that wasn't my number being blocked, I sent an SMS: "Wanna hang out?" It was successfully sent...

 

A few hours later, after I'd decided he was ignoring me - insecure much? - the phone rang with an SMS: "Tomorrow night, my place, bring beer and a great mood :):):)"

I might bring some home-baked chocolate cookies, too.

Back then, we had a fling, no strings attached, but he now got over his aversion from love, and after we'd set the date, he removed the newly posted picture that said "Wanted: love". Instead there was suddenly an old picture of how happy he had been with the puppy I'd given him. Huh. I know it doesn't sound like much when you don't know the guy and his behavior, but knowing him, it's far from random.

 

Here's that list plus a few things about him that make him the opposite of scary. I really recommend hand-writing a list of the fears and hardships you've overcome to remind yourself that a possible rejection won't kill you. It'll free you to move on for good and find someone better. And maybe, there won't be a rejection at all

To me, this list has become my prayer for courage. I might frame it. I had horrible confession/rejection anxieties until I was done with this list. It reminds me how strong I can be.

http://666kb.com/i/c6zun3rzumax9itq2.jpg

*the scrapped parts are censored because I've also posted it on my Facebook and not everyone there needs to know certain things.

 

I know some people here suffer from a disease I call "Tryandbustbubblitis" but even if tonight turns out ot be another bout of mindless sex, I know for sure now I'm strong enough to digest and crap it out and move on.