How do I stop feeling like a victim

[SpiralOut]

I have this habit of thinking too much of the negative. I used to be pretty good at brushing stuff off, maybe because I used to have a really good support system so I didn't notice things that much. When those friends fell away, I secluded myself. I became too anxious to get out and around.

 

I've been getting out more and trying harder to be myself. I have made myself some enemies. It's my own fault, really, for not pretending to like people I don't like. Sometimes I don't hide my dislike very well but I don't put people down or anything like that. I just avoid talking to them, and sometimes get snappy. But I would rather be snappy than lay myself down like a doormat.

 

It feels like I'm attracting a lot of negative energy. I've been explaining different stories to people just to make sure I'm not overreacting or imagining things. I wonder sometimes if I am doing something wrong to deserve negativity. I don't want to be one of those people who walk around thinking they aren't doing anything wrong. But based on what people tell me, the people who give me a hard time really are wankers.

 

I've been trying harder to meet new people and get more excercise. I am slowly getting to know some good people, and getting exercise helps me to stay calm. But by the time Saturday comes along there's all this stress. It takes me almost all day to shut off my brain and stop thinking about the negativity. I feel a lot of anxiety. I think like a victim, wondering why people are such jerks, trying to figure out their motivations, trying to find out if I'm doing something wrong, like did I do something to deserve this, and not knowing what to do to shut down these thoughts. Maybe I just wish that I had people on my side, but I don't like complaining about certain things (not in person, anyway) because I don't want to be a whiner. I'll go out for the afternoon, or watch some tv, or go for a run, but the thoughts are in my head like an obsession. I don't even care that much if people like me or not, it's just the negative comments and the aggressive behaviour being acted out towards me that bothers me. I want to be able to just not care.